Terrestrial Navigation
by wheeloffire
Summary: Post-Taft AU except the 'break' is a clean break up. Bo has to grow up. Lauren has to recover. These things do not happen overnight. There will be no instant gratification. There will be NO explicit sex. If you are in search of the high dramatic adventure and flights of superb creativity available in many honourable examples on this site, this isn't the story for you.
1. Chapter 1

**TERRESTRIAL NAVIGATION**

A/N1: Those who reviewed this author's previous work have my gratitude for your time and trouble in offering encouragement and suggestions or even just approval. Many thanks.

A/N2: For those who took the summary lightly: if you would throw a Jane Austen across the room rather than read it, it is probably safer for your monitor or phone if you do not read this. She was a genius. I am not. _Caveat lector._

 **PART 1**

Chapter 1

Bo was trailing Dyson as he followed his nose to an empty lot with a cargo container sitting in it. Behind her was another Light fae, Kristin, whose girlfriend had missed meeting up with her two hours ago and hadn't answered her phone. Kristin had just arrived in town and hadn't known Dyson. She'd picked up one of Bo's flyers, recognized her name (as who did not after the Garuda?) and called her instead and Bo had brought the detective on board. Dyson had used police resources to locate the missing woman's phone and tracked her from there.

"She's in there," Dyson said, looking at the cargo container. "I'm going to take a quick circuit to look for trouble. DON'T .." he fixed a gimlet eye on Bo and Kristin, ".. approach until I get back. I don't want to have to save you two as well."

"We'll stay put," Bo assured him. Kristin, controlled despite her obvious worry, just nodded.

Five minutes later, Dyson trotted up and beckoned them on to the cargo container. As he tore up the chain and padlock, his nose wrinkled and reflexively he jerked his head away only to face front again immediately. Then Bo caught it, the scent of unwashed bodies, but thankfully not decomposition.

Dyson hauled the door open. Kristin sprang in with Bo on her heels.

"Lise?" Kristin's dark head swiveled as she searched, taking in the dull eyes of about seven women slumped in various attitudes of exhaustion and dishevelment on the floor. "My god, what _is_ this? Lise!" She darted to a diminutive prone figure with straw-coloured hair.

It groaned. "Ohh … my _fucking_ head!"

Bo smiled despite the circumstances. Lise sounded well and truly alive, certainly alive enough to be pissed.

"Bo?" Dyson said in a low voice. "No fae scents other than the four of us. Get them clear. It might be human trafficking. I have to call the rest of my colleagues, humans and all, to deal with this."

The three of them cleared out accordingly. Kenzi was with a cousin overnight so Bo accepted an invitation to have dinner with Kristin and Lise, who had fully recovered from her sedation after an hour in the open air and a cup of hot sweet tea.

"So, how long have you two been together?" she asked a bit enviously once they were settled in a restaurant.

"Two years and three months." Kristin said promptly.

"And four days," added Lise, pinching a bit of skin on the back of Kristin's hand gently and waggling it while she raised a teasing eyebrow at her girlfriend. "Do _you_ have a significant other, Bo?"

Bo's throat tightened. "You know I'm a succubus," she began haltingly, "but …"

"So?" Kristin shrugged.

Bo, surprised out of her incipient depression by this, inhaled sharply. After a second, she realized her that her mouth was hanging open. "Wow," she said. "Usually people just assume that means I wouldn't have a significant other."

"I see how that might be," Lise said. "But they do, you know. Succubi and incubi, I mean. Not all, of course, but it happens. They might have polyamorous unions though that's a pretty complicated dynamic that few people have the energy to maintain. Or they might have a harem or a list of regular feeds but the actual relationship outside of feeding is very variable."

"You know other succubi?" Bo asked eagerly. "I'm told we're rare."

"You are. In Europe, earlier last century I saw only one around," Kristin said. "Heard mention of another."

"Me too," Lise chimed in. "Kris and I hadn't met then. We might have come across different ones. I met one near the French Alps and I heard about one in … let's see ….. I think it was Lithuania. And a couple of centuries earlier, I crossed paths with one active in Spain."

"Can you tell me about them? Please!"

"Sure," Lise nodded agreeably.

For the next half hour Bo listened attentively as Kristin and Lise took it in turns to talk. After her mother's frighteningly well-masked instability and rage, it was a relief to hear about normal succubi.

"So you see," Lise finished, "it seems to depend on the individual succubus's preferences. They seem to vary as individuals like everyone else."

Bo's excitement deflated suddenly. "So it's just me then," she muttered to herself.

"Sorry, what was that?"

Kristin and Lise had given her information freely. With Lauren gone, there wasn't any reason not to tell them about her. Truth to tell, Bo was longing for someone new to talk it over with. These women had life experience and a perspective Kenzi and Bo's other friends didn't have and she liked them.

"You asked me if I have a significant other. Well I did," she said sadly. "We parted ways a bit over month ago."

"You don't have to talk about it," Kristin said, "but we'll listen if you want to."

So Bo talked in her turn. For a long time. She didn't cry but she was feeling weepy by the time she finished.

The pair across from her exchanged glances now and then but they didn't interrupt.

"…. So we searched and searched and couldn't find her. Lauren's really smart. If she wanted us to find her, we would have, which means she didn't want us to. She really didn't want me, not even to help when she's in danger ….." she concluded dismally. "I guess you can tell I'm still pretty down about it."

"Not surprising. That's a heckuva history," Kristin said, "and it hasn't been that long."

Lise rested her chin on her hand. "Bo, did you want advice or thoughts from us or did you just need to tell the story? We don't mind either way, do we, Kris?"

"Of course not," Kristin said.

"I … I guess I need an outsider's perspective," Bo said. "You see, everyone I'm friends with already has their view and most of them weren't in favour of the relationship. They all said it wouldn't work because Lauren was human."

"Oh, I see, the rule against fae-human relationships," Lise nodded in understanding.

"No, they thought it wouldn't work because she couldn't sustain me," Bo said. "And I won't follow the rule because it's stupid. Stupid rules are the main reason I stay unaligned."

"But that's ridiculous. Feeding isn't the basis for any couple's relationship that I know of, human or fae. That kind of dependency can't be healthy." Lise frowned. This comforted Bo a lot.

"Most fae follow the rule, though. How did Lauren stay safe?" Kristin asked.

"We were covert after Hale was appointed Ash. He's our friend but of course he couldn't be seen to flout the rules."

Kristin's dark brows drew together as she scrunched her aquiline features in confusion. "I agree with Lise that your friends' skepticism is not based on an objection that makes sense, but I don't understand how you were planning to continue in the long term."

"We hadn't got there yet," Bo said.

"Are you sure that's true for Lauren?" Kristin asked. "Medical school takes years and it doesn't sound like she came to the fae fresh out of it. And then there's the years she spent with the Light. At the sort of age she must be, it would be reasonable for a human to want to settle down."

"I never even thought of that," Bo admitted. "You see what I mean about it being me?" she sighed, squeezing her temples between the fingers of one hand.

"Possibly…," Kristin said calmly.

Bo felt crushed.

" … but you can learn, can't you?" Kristin continued. "Ow, Lise!" She rubbed her arm where Lise had pinched her, not gently this time, and gave her girlfriend an injured look.

"Sorry love, I didn't realise you hadn't finished your sentence. I'll make it up to you." Lise planted a quick kiss on the pinched spot.

Mollified, Kristin asked, "How old are you, Bo?"

"Oh man, I can't take her anywhere," Lise shook her head, looking apologetically at Bo.

"No, look, we can't give an opinion on anything if we don't know what we need to, right?" Kristin argued. "She doesn't have to be exact."

"It's OK," Bo said. "I'm thirty-ish."

"That's still awfully young even by human standards, Bo, more like twenties when it comes to relationships if you didn't have any for ten years after you left home," Kristin said. "Humans and fae in their twenties and thirties make mistakes all the time. These things take time and experience to learn. You can and will do better if you want to."

"This _was_ my first relationship," Bo said. "So I guess you're right. It just hurts so much that she's gone and obviously doesn't want me. I can't make it right."

Lise said kindly, "Bo, you don't seem to know if you did anything wrong, let alone what it was. We don't know Lauren's perspective."

"She said it was everything else she'd been through and I can understand that but why wouldn't she let me help after all the Dawning craziness was over? And then she also said she would always be asking more of me than I could give. That's the part that involves me so it's really bugging me because I don't know it means. She made it sound like it was all on her but I think she just didn't want me to stick around and argue. And she's not the sort to yell, even if I _had_ done anything wrong. I want to know what to apologise for and what to do better. I mean, it sounds like she didn't want to put up with me feeding from others but she did before and Lauren's rational and very adult. She's always known I had to feed. We even worked out a system together that she thought she could handle."

"Sometimes," Lise said, "what people know isn't the same as how they feel. Maybe it hurt her, even though she knew you had to feed."

"I'm not saying you're wrong because that makes sense. I just don't want to think that," Bo said, "because it means I can never get her back."

Chapter 2

Lauren was drinking coffee from a to-go cup outside a police station in Calgary.

Taft hadn't been interested in isolating fae scents and there'd been none to pilfer. Lauren had brought some from the Light labs, together with her false IDs, but once she had defied Taft, he had confiscated her things and she hadn't been able to find them again. She _had_ found a bottle of pungent aftershave in someone's drawer after destroying Taft's work and had doused herself with it liberally from head to toe before she dug out car keys from jackets and coats abandoned in the lab by staff were either dead or hopefully had fled instead. She'd gone into the car park, tried all the keys and chosen a fuel-efficient sedan to drive to Montreal, which was far enough away from that dreadful place that a scent-tracker like Dyson would have lost her trace by the time the effects of the aftershave had faded. Then she'd driven around until she found a dodgy enough scrapyard that had given her cash without asking for ID or title documents and she'd watched them crush the sedan beyond recognition.

Some of the cash went on the tortuously long bus journey from Montreal to Calgary. It was easy to avoid being noticed in cities, and trains and buses didn't require ID. Calgary was big enough and a long, long way away from Toronto. She'd wanted to keep off the fae radar as long she could.

Her current ID, debit and credit cards were traceable. The fae would have software spotters that would bleep an automatic alert if that ID turned up in employment records. So she had done odd jobs for the last month or so and made enough for food and a room. It might have been a somewhat squalid existence but Lauren had taken pleasure from the change, from not facing life and death circumstances all the time. She might have had a better standard of life under the Ash in material terms, but the sheer pleasure of being able to sit for an hour with a doughnut and coffee and read the newspaper or think about nothing in particular, or exchange cheerful backchat _as an equal_ with the greengrocer or the people she did jobs for, was something Lauren had been so long without and she relished every second of it.

She'd even spent last night with a woman who had picked her up while she was having dinner. It had been a much-needed lighthearted interlude, not just a reminder that she was alive but also that despite clothes courtesy of the Salvation Army store and Walmart, despite not even looking for a hook up, she could still pull them. She must have given a good enough account of herself in bed because in the morning she had been given not just breakfast but a sandwich for lunch, wrapped in butcher paper and pressed into her hand with a goodbye kiss. They'd smiled at each other, knowing they would never see each other again.

That woman, whose name she hadn't even retained because it was meant to be an anonymous encounter, had given her a boost of confidence and energy which Lauren would always thank her for. Because now two men in dark suits, off-the-shelf from the fit of them, were looking at her from across the way.

Even if she had been able to get work in a lab without ID or a credible employment record for the last eight years, she wouldn't have been able to synthesize fae scents to wear without fae biological material to start with. So she had always expected to be found. It was just a matter of when. She'd been dragging it out because she had been so desperate to re-connect with the human world again while not under someone's thumb, even if only for a finite time.

The guys looking at her were most likely the Morrigan's people. Light fae heavies wore grey suits, not dark ones, and these guys had that indefinable air of the Dark about them. And if these were indeed the Morrigan's men, and they knew who she was under the baseball cap and sunglasses and un-Dr-Lewis-like clothes, then they must have a preternatural ability to recognize people.

Bugger.

A hunted person's scent couldn't be broadcast to all fae everywhere like an APB. Besides, the Dark would have had no access to her things in the Light apartment. If the Morrigan had sent scent-trackers to Taft's lab, it would have been impossible for them to identify Lauren's scent out of the plethora hanging in the air there and of course, there had been the aftershave….. So the Light and Dark fae littered about the general populace and not tasked specifically with finding her would no doubt be looking only for the face on a poster in the local waystation or Light and Dark compounds if they bothered to look at all. Therefore if Dark fae with special people-finding abilities had tracked her down, it meant the Morrigan was actively searching for her.

She'd spotted the two men eying her ten minutes ago while buying her coffee and had walked straight to the police station along the busiest streets to buy time to think. Now that they had a current location for her, even if she evaded them now, they would still have a city on which to concentrate the search. They could call for help and that help would definitely cover the transport hubs. At some point, she wouldn't be able to hide or run anymore in Calgary.

Prolonging the hunt would mean a period of continuous hiding and anxiety. She had limited funds. The longer she dragged it out, the likelier it was that in the end when they caught up with her, as they certainly would, they would take out their frustration on her. Right now, she had a small degree of control of the situation. So with infinite wistfulness, she resigned herself once more to the loss of her freedom.

 _Okay, Lewis, fish or cut bait._

She looked straight at them and beckoned them across. They came and hovered over her.

"You know who I am?"

"We do."

"You from the Morrigan?"

An inclination of a blocky head.

"Are you intending to kill me?" Lauren didn't know how she kept her _sangfroid_ , except out of sheer bloody-minded pride.

"Not our orders." Squarehead was evidently the spokesman of the two. She was relieved not to have the additional task of persuading the Morrigan's minions not to kill her just for the hell of it.

"So what do you want with me?"

"We're to take you with us."

"Where?" Like they would answer. Lauren asked anyway just to draw out the last precious seconds of liberty she would probably never know again.

"You'll see. Will you come quietly?"

Lauren nodded. "Yes. I would, however, prefer not to be manhandled while I'm not resisting. The Morrigan will get a lot more out of me if I'm not distracted by bruises and pain. If you attempt to use force gratuitously, I give you fair warning that I will make it difficult enough that in trying to subdue me, you may very well end up killing me. Fragile human, remember? So if you don't control yourselves, you'll end up with nothing but a dead source of information the Morrigan might want. An irreplaceable source."

They surveyed her anew, clearly not expecting this show of spirit.

"So you tell me what you want me to do and we'll start by not attracting attention here on the street under the noses of the police."

"We have a car." Squarehead gestured with his thumb.

"Fine. Lead the way and I'll walk beside your buddy."

They drove to an airfield, climbed on a charter plane and landed at a private airfield with a good view of the Toronto cityscape. Another car was waiting for them. A few minutes before they reached the outskirts of Toronto, Squarehead's colleague held up a blindfold. Lauren sighed and submitted.

When they took off the blindfold, Lauren was in what looked like a small room in a seedy motel.

Squarehead went out.

"So can I shower? Without being disturbed?"

The remaining man made a 'have at it' gesture and Lauren went, thankful for a little time alone.

She briefly contemplated escape, but decided that she probably couldn't incapacitate her guard and even if she could, she wouldn't have enough of a headstart to steal a car and get far enough away to mask her trail. Cars these days were hard to steal if you weren't a professional about it. She showered.

Squarehead came back with pizza and soft drinks and then left again. Lauren ate and drank and then eyed one of the beds. Guardman looked at her.

Lauren said steadily, "If you're thinking of doing anything…. questionable, bear in mind that I will be seeing the Morrigan. I will have ample opportunity to explain _why_ I 'm too traumatized to remember the things she wants me to tell her." She held his eyes. He looked away and remained where he was.

Lauren didn't know if the orders he had required her to be unharmed. If he decided to gratify himself with her, she would have little choice but to endure. He was probably at least three times as strong as she, and twice her weight. Resistance would just result in unnecessary injury and whatever else happened to the rest of her body, Lauren had to protect her head. It was her only asset and her only weapon. She didn't sleep well.

It was morning when Squarehead reappeared with breakfast and a briefcase just after Lauren's second shower. He let her eat and drink and then cleared the table, opened the briefcase and took out a stack of files, a clean pad of paper and a pen, which he put on the table in front of her.

"Write the diagnosis and remedy for each case on a sheet and put it in the case file."

Ah, a test. To doublecheck her identity. Maybe also to see if she would be more useful alive than dead but Lauren wouldn't bank on it. The Morrigan might prefer the secrets of the Light in Lauren's head to Lauren alive and sane. If so, she could extract those secrets by the myriad ghoulish means at her disposal, leaving Lauren a useless gibbering wreck fit only to be put out of her misery: in the end there probably wouldn't even be a body to find. At this moment, all Lauren could be sure of was that the Morrigan wanted certainty that the person she had actually was the Light doctor. She had to be prepared to negotiate for her life and Lauren wasn't good at negotiations.

She did as she was asked. It took almost two hours. Squarehead packed the finished files away and departed.

When he returned hours later, he brought lunch and they ate silently together. It took yet another hour for his phone to ring.

They brought her to the Dark compound of course. Lauren spent the drive preparing the arguments she would advance to the Morrigan in defence of her life and wishing she were better at the art of persuasion. As they drove through the gate, she took note of the new barrier and the guns. Not only handguns but assault rifles too. The Morrigan had upped her security.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 3

At the supermarket, Bo queued up to pay behind a couple with a baby in a stroller. He gurgled at her. She winked at him and he gave a bubbly chortle and stretched his hand out to her. His mother and father turned to her and they all smiled at each other.

"He's cute," Bo said, because it seemed the thing to do.

The mother chuckled. "He's a terror, is what he is."

"Especially when my mum's around," the father put in. He gave Bo another smile, a perfunctory one this time. He and his wife nodded at her and turned back round to face the front of the queue. Bo watched them enviously as they talked softly, hands overlapping on the stroller handle. It was four going on five weeks since she'd last seen Lauren at Taft's lab. Bo now knew that when Lauren had implied to her face that she no longer loved her it had had the salutary effect of turning Taft's attention away from Bo to Dyson, but it still bugged her terribly that she didn't know if Lauren had meant it or just said it as a blind.

Bo's basket was light so it wasn't on the ground in front of her but on her arm at her side. As a result she was a bit closer up behind the couple than they realized.

The man leaned his head toward his wife's. "Not that I blame him, she can be such a bitch to you," he said very softly. "And I really hate it when she bitches about you to me behind your back."

"Now, Nick," she said, equally softly, squeezing his arm. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm going to say something to her. I should have a long time ago. I won't have her putting you down all the time. Especially not in _our_ house. I won't have her making you feel bad."

"Sweetheart, she's still your mum."

The man shook his head. "You're more important to me than anything or anyone. She should know that and if it means not having her around, then she won't get to visit, grandson or not. You and the peanut mean everything to me." He drew back and looked at his wife. "I don't just get to protect your body, you know."

He smiled at her and kissed her on the head and she hugged him tightly, one-armed.

Bo had a lump in her throat still when she got out of the supermarket. The little scene resonated with her even though it had been such an ordinary little slice of human life and a relatively undramatic, even boring, example of the mother-in-law trope. The two of them had been so loving.

She and Lauren had never had a conversation like that. Bo would have liked that, to have had occasion to bitch with Lauren about ordinary every day irritations.

Kristin and Lise had signed Trick's ledger and now, since they were new in town, Bo was meeting them again, just to be hospitable and friendly, see that they settled in all right, and tell them where to shop for what and about the various fae in the vicinity.

Lise had a new job teaching in a human school, which was what had brought them here. Kristin worked from home at something to do with online publishing. They were very ordinary people insofar as fae _could_ be ordinary. They just stayed alive, kept a low profile and enjoyed life much as they could.

Bo felt a wrench of envy when she saw them. It was a bit like picking at a sore. But there was still something comforting about seeing them just being a couple.

At first she'd thought about feeding off them both, but last evening when she had been too preoccupied with their conversation to put on the boogie-woogie charm, their auras had told her they were content with each other. She wanted them onside for their experience of life, outsiders' perspective and willingness to say what her other friends would not, so atypically she thought of the possibility that they might not react well if she tried it on. Bo certainly didn't want to be a deliberate homewrecker either so in the end, ethics as well as self-interest decided her against it.

It occurred to her that she'd never cared to enquire if any single fae she fed from was part of a committed relationship. It had been enough that they wanted her naturally, before she got her touch on them. But thinking it through, Bo now realized that maybe some of them might not have wanted to act on the attraction because they were committed to someone who wasn't with them at the time. She might have made someone an adulterer who had never wanted to be one. From this new consciousness that attraction alone was not implied consent, Bo resolved to embark on a new practice. She had always used her influence to feed so as to stay safe, but now she wouldn't start using it until she and her mark had actually gone somewhere private and intentions were unmistakeable.

Now she took a seat across from her new friends in a diner halfway between their place and hers. The couple at the supermarket were still on her mind even though hours had passed, during which she'd gone home, put the groceries away and then sat for while looking sadly through the pictures of Lauren she had on her phone.

"What's wrong, Bo?" Lise worked with kids. She observed other people's moods even when she wasn't trying to, like on a Saturday lunch out with an adult friend.

Bo recounted the scene from the supermarket in detail. "It's just stuck in my mind. It made me think of Lauren and I guess I just feel down."

Kristin had a look which Bo could identify. One that said she'd thought of something but figured it was undiplomatic so she wouldn't meet Bo's eyes and be lured into saying it to a relatively new friend. But right now, Bo didn't want Kristin to be hesitant.

She directed a Paddington Bear Hard Stare at her. Lise caught it and did the same. Kristin shifted uneasily. "No, you don't. Bo's down enough as it is. We're going to have a nice lunch and cheer her up, Lise."

"I'm not _going_ to have a nice lunch if I'm distracted by wondering all the time what you have to say," Bo pointed out.

Kristin sighed. "Bo, there are couples all around us right now. None of them are having the effect on you that the couple at the supermarket had. So what makes them different to you from all these others?"

"It was what they were talking about ….." Bo stilled, thinking.

"Remember you told us the people around you didn't favour your relationship? Put them in the mother-in-law's place. See any parallels?"

Indeed Bo saw, wondering why she hadn't before.

"So it's not surprising it struck a chord, right?"

"I didn't do that," Bo whispered. "Defend her to them and ….. and put those friendships on the line for her."

"It isn't always necessary, though," Lise said. "A reasonable lover wouldn't want you to compromise your friendships with other people just for their sake. Only if for some reason it were absolutely necessary. If there were no other options."

"Lauren's the most reasonable person I know. She never made any demands on me. She … she wouldn't have asked." But that man's wife hadn't asked either. He'd offered, insisted. Should Bo have done the same?

"This could take a while and it's very personal," Kristin said. "Let's pick this up after lunch somewhere private."

Chapter 4

"My, _my_ , Dr Lewis. What fustian rags."

Lauren only knew the Morrigan by sight. She knew that Evony Marquise was to be feared. Nothing more - except for Bo's story of how she'd got Vex to join the anti-Garuda mob squad. It didn't give one high hopes for the Morrigan's sense of responsibility, which left self-interest as Lauren's only negotiation point. Correcting her about the meaning and usage of 'fustian' was the very last thing Lauren ought to do. There would be a time to negotiate but the start wasn't it, not until she got a feel for her interlocutor.

"Nothing to say? A bit of quid pro quo? Bargaining for your life?" The dark eyes glittered at her.

Lauren said nothing.

The Morrigan pouted. "Not much fun, are you? B-o-r-ing!"

Lauren didn't react.

The Morrigan perched herself against the front of her desk. "Now why oh _why_ , Dr Lewis, are you being so ... unsociable? Succubus got your tongue? Doesn't she let go even after a month?"

So the Morrigan knew she and Bo had been a thing. The Light higher-ups, other than Hale, hadn't known or Lauren would have suffered the consequences. When they'd first started their relationship, there had been no Ash and the guards weren't sticking much to a roster. It had been relatively easy for Bo to come to her apartment, and Lauren could stay over at Bo's for a night here and there. But when Hale had been appointed Ash, the guards resumed their usual schedule. So for the last couple of months they had been together, Bo had come to her at night by stealth, not succubussing, which the guards would have remembered and later taken out on Lauren. A pebble thrown, a sneaky dash while a back was turned to investigate the sound, things like that. But mostly they had met at the Dal, walked out separately, Lauren using the rear goods entrance, and then driven to Bo's and Bo would drive her back to the Dal later, whence Lauren would make her innocent way home.

The Morrigan's words implied relatively recent intelligence, not from all the way back before Hale's appointment. This meant she'd been watching Bo recently and closely, which in turn meant that the Morrigan was planning something nasty because even the leader of the Dark didn't expend resources on close surveillance for nothing.

Lauren tried not to think of Lou Ann's human family and just who had ordered their execution because they were in a relationship with a fae.

"I would respond," she said instead, "if there were something substantial to which _to_ respond."

"She speaks!" The Morrigan clapped. "My dear, you have a bright future ahead of you with us!"

Not a _long_ one, Lauren noted.

She sighed. "What is it you want of me, Morrigan?"

"Why, your brain, of course!"

Lauren went cold, tried not show it.

"Oh, don't be like that. If I wanted to torture you for those delicious Light secrets you hold in your little blonde head, you'd already be in chains."

Lauren relaxed, but only a little.

"Why don't you spell it out for my little blonde head then? I am only human, you know. I can't read minds." She knew it was politic to keep her voice mild rather than snappish, but she had been on edge for twenty four hours, since she'd been picked up.

"It's suspense, of course," the Morrigan purred. "Soooo delicious."

Lauren tried not to roll her eyes. She really tried. But she _was_ only human.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk! Well, I see you have no sense of the dramatic. Or of humour. You understand, Dr Lewis, that extracting what you hold in your head about the Light might give me a quick and glorious advantage over them."

Lauren set her face to show no fear. There was that pride again.

"But then, I don't know _what_ secrets you have. They might not be worth losing your many, many skills, hmmm?"

Lauren continued to look impassively at the Morrigan but an ember of hope was beginning to glow.

"Because, honestly, hearing about Elder Gorstich's arthritis and Elder Donnegan's haemorrhoids would _not_ make up for losing someone who could cure the Congo epidemic. In fact it would be an added insult to the loss."

The ember glowed more brightly.

"So you, my dear, shall join, and enhance, our Science and Medical teams!" The Morrigan struck a pose and spread her hands with the revelation.

Lauren stared at her. It was the outcome she had hoped for but she had no trouble displaying surprise and relief. The negotiation she had planned hadn't even been necessary. The Morrigan was perhaps more responsible without the approach of Armageddon than Bo's story had led her to fear.

The Morrigan cocked her head, raising her eyebrows, awaiting a response.

"Ahhhh … thank you?" Lauren ventured.

"Good!" Another clap. "Now honey, we absolutely _have_ to get you different clothes. You work for the Dark now, we have fashion sense. I can't have you go all Practical Jill to the labs, can I?"

"I don't know," Lauren murmured, still a bit numb. "Can't you?"

"No, no, no, no and no! Come, fun is to be had." The Morrigan gathered her purse and held the office door open. "We're going shop….ping!"

Shopping with the Morrigan, Evony, as she'd instructed a dazed Lauren to call her whilst channelling Tallulah Bankhead all afternoon (formality is _soo_ passé, dahhlink!), was something like an out-of-body experience.

When Lauren had balked at the haute couture boutiques that were Evony's first choice, the Morrigan had nearly thrown a tantrum. Only when the doctor had explained that anything flowing or, conversely, restricting movement could be a hazard when surrounded by delicate equipment and test tubes holding dangerous substances had the Morrigan relented, though she continued to pout. She made Lauren choose expensive designer pantsuits, jeans and tops and footwear and then sent her to choose underclothing on her own with a careless wave of her hand while demanding champagne from the boutique manager.

When Lauren had broached the subject of retrieving her things from the Light, provided they hadn't already been burned, Evony had gasped in exaggerated horror. But Lauren had wanted her old sweatshirts and soft worn jeans and T-shirts.

"Later, perhaps," was Evony's final response. "Perhaps then my eyes will be lucky and there won't _be_ anything to retrieve! I don't want them to know you're with us yet."

At the end of the day, installed in a very comfortable apartment right next door to Evony's, with a new wardrobe that cost the GDP of a small country, Lauren collapsed on the superb bed and just lay there, disbelief and temporary relief warring for supremacy. She had always thought it would be the Light who retrieved her. Before yesterday, it hadn't occurred to her that the Dark might want her alive.

She wasn't fooled by the veneer of affability though. It was just that, a veneer. She was still a human among the fae. The Morrigan might dress it up better, literally and figuratively, but as far as she was concerned, Lauren was still hers to do what she liked with. The Morrigan had mentioned chains for a reason. If Lauren put a foot wrong, she wouldn't be as good as dead, she would be sent to the torture cells for a long and agonizing experience throughout which she would _wish_ she were dead.

What if she were required to do something that went against all her ethical principles? Would she risk unknown suffering, and it probably _would_ be suffering instead of simple death for a good long while, to adhere to those principles?

 _No point borrowing trouble betimes, Lauren. Cross that bridge if and when you come to it._

Fatalism settled on her like an old familiar coat. She knew that at some point the other shoe might drop. But at least it wouldn't tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: My thanks to the reviewers. We are all busy so I appreciate your thoughtfulness and encouragement.

* * *

Chapter 5

Bo nestled against the couch cushions. They had decided to continue their conversation at her house and she'd made sure Kenzi was hanging with Hale.

"So," Kristin prompted, "the conversation in the supermarket."

"Yeah, at first I was only thinking that I wished that Lauren and I had had that kind of conversation, you know, just everyday complaints about little things and people we knew," Bo started.

"So what _did_ you have conversations about?" Lise asked curiously.

"In the beginning," Bo thought back, "we talked about my health and control of my hunger. It was the whole reason I went to see her. Then I guess we flirted and she helped Kenzi and me on cases so we talked about those. Then ... well, you don't wanna know about the sex talk, right?"

"No need," Lise said with a perfectly straight face.

"OK, then ... well there was Nadia and the Garuda before we got together, then more cases and my Dawning ..." her voice faded.

There was a short silence.

"After we became a couple, it was all about me," Bo confessed. "And I sorta knew that. I told her that with the Dawning over, we could concentrate on her. But I realise now, thinking back, that except for Nadia it was mostly about me even before the Dawning, from the start..."

Kristin cocked her head. "Preparing for your Dawning _was_ important, but does that mean that all through the prep you didn't have a minute here and there to ring her and ask about her day? While someone else was driving or while you were walking around, or waiting for food or coffee? Not a minute?"

Bo gazed at her a bit stupidly for a few seconds with a slightly open mouth, then haplessly dropped her forehead between her outstretched index finger and thumb.

"Kris," Lise said reproachfully.

Kristin threw up her hands. "I'm not _trying_ to be mean! We're asking questions. It's Bo's _answers_ that are making her feel whatever she feels." She eyed Bo's crestfallen expression. "But we don't have to go on. You might not feel comfortable enough with us yet for this; it could be hard."

"No! Please," Bo insisted bravely. "no one else will do this for me. I've already realised two things I didn't before. I never did that, ring Lauren just because. And it was all about me from the very beginning, not just from the time we knew about the Dawning. Y'see, we didn't start the usual way, with long phone calls and just hanging out every day like in school. We started with my need to control my feeding and then that became a pattern and I never saw that until now. And so yeah, it sucks to be me right now, and it's probably gonna suck a whole lot more but it's still necessary. So please, I need you to do this even if I get upset; it'll be with myself, not with you."

Lise sighed, " All right. Just call for a break if you need one."

Bo nodded and Kristin went on, "OK, where we left off at lunch was that you feel bad because you didn't defend Lauren and you didn't put your relationships with other people in your life on the line for her. What was it you ought to have defended her from and didn't?"

Bo bit her lip. "That's the thing, I'm not sure. I just feel like I fell down on the job but when I try to put my finger on an instance, I can't."

"Lauren didn't tell you if someone was giving her trouble?" Lise asked.

Kristin nudged her. "They didn't talk about Lauren's problems, remember? Only Bo's."

The knife in Bo's belly dug a bit deeper. Kristin hadn't been kidding about this being hard.

But she was now approaching it from another angle. "When you said your friends didn't favour the relationship, how did you know that?"

"They told me," Bo said, "but it was only that 'she can't sustain you' crap and I ignored it. I mean, I couldn't sound off on them for it because it was true but it didn't matter. Like Lise said, couples don't feed on each other. No one goes out with a steak. It's stupid. I shouldn't have _had_ to tell anyone. They're not _children_. In fact except for Kenzi, they're all a lot older than I am."

"Ah yes, so on the _surface_ there was nothing to defend Lauren from in that because it was true." Kristin looked at Bo meaningfully.

Bo stared at her helplessly, not knowing what further response was called for.

Kristin said patiently, "Bo, people tend to be attracted to succubi. Did one or more of your friends want you for themselves?"

Bo nodded. "I probably sound vain or something, but yeah, Dyson and Tamsin did."

"It's not vanity if it's a fact," Kristin said. "But isn't it possible that they were harping on the irrelevant truth precisely because you couldn't argue against it without seeming unreasonable? It was a way to get you to listen to what was in reality insidious persuasion to leave Lauren for them."

"Damn!" Bo scowled. "Now you put it like that ... Dyson was sly. After he claimed he would respect my choice: that's out and out hypocrisy!"

"Bo," Lise said, "Kris and I barely know Dyson and you recall he helped find me, so I'm not comfortable judging him at this point."

"Oh, YOU don't have to," Bo said darkly. "He's old and smart. If his subconscious made him do something in the heat of the moment he'd ordinarily think was wrong, he'd recognize it after the fact. But he's never acknowledged that he acted like a two-faced git about this. He _meant_ to do it."

She stewed vengefully about that for a few seconds, then, "And Tamsin, she's Dyson's partner, now _she_ didn't even bother to be sly. I mean after Lauren and I got together, I healed once with Dyson but only because it was an emergency and I told Lauren about that and we agreed that I wouldn't feed from him. But Tamsin came on to me when there was no emergency, just like that," Bo snapped her fingers, "like Lauren was of no account."

"So what did you do?"

"I took her chi once before Lauren and I broke up but we didn't have sex then," Bo said virtuously.

They both crossed their arms and looked at her sternly.

"What?" Bo got nervous.

"I _meant_ ," Kristin said, "did you defend Lauren from that disrespect?"

Bo stopped feeling virtuous. "No." She hung her head.

"Why?" Lise's voice was carefully non-committal.

"Tamsin accused me of murder," Bo said, her voice small again. "I wanted her to stop trying to bring me down."

Kristin sucked in a breath. "That's serious. I can't say I blame you for not wanting to rile her up."

"Did Tamsin and Lauren know each other _?"_ Lise asked, and when Bo nodded, went on, "That couldn't have been a comfortable position for Lauren."

"But if Tamsin was a real and serious danger to Bo ...Lauren might not have liked it but to ask that Bo undergo that kind of risk when it could be averted by a bit of forbearance ... she doesn't sound like that kind of person."

"I didn't tell her," Bo said. "I thought I could manage it and she wouldn't have to worry."

"Oh," Kristin looked a bit more doubtful. "Still, all you did was fob Tamsin off nicely, right?"

"Well, no," Bo said, "she was with me for the invitation to the Dawning and she kissed me."

They stiffened and she hurried on, "Before that day she was all hostile. So when suddenly her body language and aura were saying she wanted me, it was a surprise and I hoped that meant she would stop trying to crucify me. I thought she wouldn't take it further if I didn't encourage it. So I wasn't expecting the kiss and when it came, well, bashing her wouldn't have kept her onside. I was thinking about being jailed and taken away from Lauren. I didn't know what to do."

"So you didn't tell her afterwards that it wasn't acceptable either." Lise didn't put that as a question.

"No," Bo admitted. "Like I said, I didn't want her to throw me in prison. Plus, she was so awful before that, it felt like a bit of a conquest, to be honest. Dyson's always so loyal, more than Hale who I never fed from: he's more Dyson and Kenzi's friend than mine. I wanted that kind of loyalty from Tamsin, the kind that comes from love..."

She faltered because suddenly the other two wouldn't look at her.

The silence stretched and her stomach tightened.

...

Lise shook her head at last. "It's normal for people to _want_ to be loved by as many people as possible. I'm not faulting you just for that. But you're talking here about love with a sexual element; _needing_ it enough to actively foster _that_ kind of love from anyone who isn't your significant other isn't the mindset of anyone who's ready for a committed relationship. Now, for succubi it would perhaps be an instinctive need because it assures you of as many willing feeds as possible, but even succubi can outgrow that, as we told you last night. If you haven't ..."

"Whatever other people may feel for me, _I've_ only ever loved _Lauren_ in that way," Bo insisted.

"But you just said you wanted Dyson and Tamsin to love you so they'd be loyal. So what you wanted was for them think a relationship with you was possible, right? Not just the feeding? Because if not, why would being a potential feed mean anything to them?"

Bo frowned. "I guess ...I didn't think of it like that. Dyson knows that feeding and feeling are different. He's said so more than once. Plus I told him I was in love with Lauren. I wasn't even feeding from him because of my agreement with her. So if he still wanted to fool himself into thinking that being _able_ to feed me could lead to more, I figured that had to be his own lookout. And you already know now why I didn't go out of my way to dissuade Tamsin. She knew I was with Lauren. If she got her fingers burnt by thinking a relationship was possible, well ... I can't do her growing up for her."

Kristin had been silent for a while but now she said, "Bo, that's all well and good when you're single, but in this case by letting them hope, you also let them see Lauren as the obstacle to their hopes. People do things to try and make their hopes come true. They were trying to win you over. For all you know, they were chipping away at Lauren all the time when you weren't there."

She forestalled Bo's impending outrage by the simple expedient of raising an imperative finger. "Ah, ah! Hold it - we're talking about what _you_ did wrong, not what other people did, which you don't know anyway. Listen! What you _did_ know was that they had access to her. The important point here is that knowing that they had a clear shot at her, _you made them want to take the shot_."

...

...

Bo became aware that she had been stunned into immobility for several seconds. The others were looking at her inquisitively so she gave a quick tiny nod to signify that she was back in the land of the living.

Lise said carefully, "Do you see now why it's not the mindset to have? So far from defending Lauren, you made it more likely that people would attack her, verbally if not physically. And let's not even talk about the movies and TV shows where people kill for reasons just like that, or about the fact that she was human and they were fae and could kill her without even getting out of breath."

Bo's automatic protest died stillborn when she added dryly, "And don't get off the point again because it's more comfortable to concentrate on something else, like avenging her: that would hardly be of much good to Lauren after she's dead. Let's stick to you creating the situation, hmmm?"

Bo was still trying to kickstart her brain when Lise went on to ask, apparently out of nowhere, "When you're not hurt, you control your feeds, don't you? To feed safely? All fae have a built-in system to feed safely or we'd all be dead."

Bo nodded.

"So if you didn't need to heal, would feeding from any other fae have been so risky that you needed your friends to be available for you as potential feeds? I mean, from your agreement with Lauren, that seems to be the way you normally fed anyway, from strangers. Did you really need Dyson and Tamsin just waiting in the wings for something to happen to her?"

"No." Bo whispered.

Lise looked at her reprovingly. "Bo, you told us yourself, Lauren wasn't free. She was badly enough off. You wanted to pile that on top of her other difficulties? Honestly, what would it really have cost you to keep that worry and possible danger away from her? If just being firm with Dyson and Tamsin cost you their friendship, those friendships can't be worth having, can they?"

That was plainly rhetorical so Bo didn't have to answer, which was just as well because she couldn't.

Lise concluded, "Knowing you're a succubus, she must have understood feeding your hunger: maybe it was feeding your ego that drove her away."

Bo wanted to crawl into a deep dark hole and hide. The sheer cussed foolishness made her stomach curdle. And the waste. The greatest treasure the world might have given her ... thrown away for nothing more than ego ... how fucking idiotic and blind could a person _be_?

"Look, you did acknowledge you were inexperienced," Lise said, obviously regretting her harshness and trying to mitigate the hurt.

"Sorry," Kristin said, "but she's really not. Bo, you watch TV and movies, you bartended and waitressed. You grew up with your adopted mother and father, who were a couple. You must have observed other couples all the time. You just did at the supermarket. There's a limit to how far inexperience is an excuse. Where it _does_ count for something in this case is that being a succubus carries a unique set of considerations. There was no precedent for you, no example to follow of what you ought to have done."

This didn't make Bo feel better though.

"And of course, without Lauren's input we're just guessing," Kristin added. "Make no mistake, going into a commitment with that mindset was something you got wrong no matter what its effects, but those are speculative to us now. Maybe Dyson and Tamsin were discreet. Or maybe the connection between you and Lauren was so strong that even if they had said anything, she wouldn't have been too troubled by it."

Bo groaned. "It would be just like Tamsin to be a bitch to Lauren. And Dyson was a bastard to her right in front of me before we were a couple. Now that I think he didn't respect our relationship the way he said, god knows what he might have said or done to her when I wasn't there. He and Tamsin are both fae so you know they wouldn't care if they hurt Lauren's feelings, they'd probably have enjoyed it."

"That's no excuse," Lise said. "Kris and I aren't like that. We aren't the only ones either."

"Living in a colony skews things," Kristin explained. "Fae who don't live in one, like we did before coming here, have to interact with humans regularly or suffer complete isolation. Life would be awful if we didn't get on with them. But fae who've lived in a colony a long time get used to not having to hide or interact with humans except as prey. And there tends to be an accumulation of the types of fae who feed on humans in a harmful way because the colony infrastructure protects them. They all get careless and indulge their worst natures because they don't suffer any penalties for treating humans badly."

"Lauren would've liked you," Bo said wistfully.

"Thanks," Lise smiled.

"Anyway," Kris said, "that's Dyson and Tamsin. Anyone else?"

"Kenzi, my human friend and roommate. She and Lauren are just very different kinds of people and Kenzi's always liked Dyson, he's sort like a big old cousin for her. So ... oh wait, I did defend Lauren ... in the beginning Kenzi didn't trust her, so when Lauren and I became a couple, I asked her to dial it all the way down because Lauren was a big part of my life. She said she would and Kenzi keeps her word. She did say she'd come to like Lauren all on her own. I think she would've still preferred Dyson for me but she didn't push it anymore."

"Well, she's entitled to her preferences," Kristin said.

Bo flagged it in her mind but didn't interrupt her as she continued, "Okay, so just the last bit to go, about putting other friendships on the line for her. You said you didn't?"

"I didn't know of anyone giving her grief," Bo frowned in thought.

When she didn't go on, they both looked at her expectantly.

Bo looked back, puzzled.

"Bo," Lise said, "are you avoiding the real question?"

"Uh ...," Bo stalled because her mind was shying away from the dreadful thought of losing Dyson or Kenzi, maybe both.

"I'm getting that you are," Kristin dryly. "I say again, stop being distracted by what your friends did or didn't do. This is not an empirical question, it's one of principle. Your principles. Are you saying that you would have wanted her to endure anything they threw at her so you could have both her and them? It shouldn't be difficult to answer."

"It _is_ , though," Bo said. "Kenzi's like my sister. Dyson's the most important and loyal friend I have apart from her. And ..."

"Bo," Lise interrupted fiercely, "I'm sorry, but just hearing this, I have to agree with Lauren about dumping you and this isn't a maybe."

Bo went white.

"If you can even consider letting her be unhappy so _you_ would be happy then she's right, you _shouldn't_ be in a relationship with her."

Kristin nodded her agreement. "The thing that I find disturbing is that you were willing to let Lauren suffer possible unhappiness, worry and maybe even danger as part of her commitment to you, but for your part you didn't forego _any_ self-indulgence as part of your own commitment."

The indictment in these bare, effective comparisons from both of them froze Bo again. She was still reeling as Kristin continued.

"You wanted to just say the words of commitment and have them be enough. And I'm sorry to say this Bo, but wanting every little thing that made up your happiness even at the possible expense of hers isn't an attitude of generosity, let alone love, and still less commitment."

Bo could feel the paralysingly unlovely truth in every word.

Kristin persevered. "Don't you see? That's at the root of the individual problems we've discussed, from not asking about her concerns in case that meant risking your friendships to keeping Dyson and Tamsin hanging on. Even if your friends were great to her, an attitude like that would always have led to other problems."

Bo had been prepared to come out of this not covered in glory. She'd been prepared to learn the right things to do and say that she hadn't before and to feel humbled at her ignorance. But her failings thus revealed were not of simple ignorance, they proceeded from character flaws so reprehensible, so fundamental that her sense of self was rocked. The world seemed to tilt and everything became unsteady, uncertain.

And this awful clarity came from people who'd only heard _her_ side of it. How much worse had it been from Lauren's point of view? Bo had even been the stronger of the pair, at least physically. She ought have to have been taking stress away from Lauren onto herself, not stacking it on. Self-castigation welled up inside her until it was almost too much to bear.

But both of them were now looking her intently, significantly, not accusingly. And then suddenly Bo got it. She'd bombed out on a hell of a lot of the doing, yes, but _only_ because the mind behind the doing hadn't been right. This was correctable. Not simple, because she had to do a personality reset, be a better person, not on the surface but deep down. But wasn't knowing what to do half the battle? She had a whole lot to make up for but now she knew she could, if Lauren would only let her. With that understanding, the world steadied into what felt like a new normality. She was far from done beating herself up, but she had plenty of leisure to do that all on her own. First, she had to concentrate on getting right what she had to do.

"You're saying," Bo was hoarse from holding back tears of rage at herself, but also with hope, "that if I go into it with the opposite mindset, thinking she's more important than me, with generosity instead of selfishness, those kinds of problems won't happen. Because I'll be thinking right."

Kristin smiled faintly and without much humour. "Yes, if it's genuine and not forced. If it's forced then what you believed was love really wasn't."

But Lise was nodding approvingly. "I think it was, Kris, or she wouldn't be so upset with herself." She said bracingly to Bo, "So no giving up. Not now that you're not floundering in the dark anymore."

Bo's voice was quavering but dogged. "Everything you said is right, is true. I can feel it. But I also know what I feel for Lauren. I only want _her_ like that and it feels like a forever thing. I didn't know what to do, how to think and I wasn't anywhere near as good a person as I thought I was. I need to be better, not just for her, but for me and for everyone else. I won't deserve her otherwise. But I'm only understanding this _now_. So she ... she ..." her voice gave out.

"She might have thought as we did, that you didn't care enough?" Kristin prompted gently, having softened at Bo's steadfast speech.

Bo nodded, feeling wretched, and voiced her worst fears. "She might not want to give me another chance because I screwed up so epically. By now, she might not love me anymore. She might have stopped before she dumped me because I was so awful."

"She might never want me back."

Chapter 6

Lauren had learned by necessity over the last 8 years how to live despite fear: you identified it so it could be managed or compartmentalised.

She had no trouble identifying her present fear. Statistically, it was probable that she would become dispensable to Evony. It wasn't possible that the fae would produce _no_ scientists or doctors of her calibre. With time on their side, it was astonishing that they hadn't already. The moment some fae came along that Evony regarded as a worthy substitute, Lauren would become expendable.

This conviction was not helped by her ever-growing listlessness. It was harder and harder to get out of bed. Only the fear kept her to a strict working schedule. On top of that, the effort of dissembling so that no one would suspect she was feeling this way, so that Evony, especially, would not suspect it, was compounding her exhaustion.

Lauren was quite simply depressed. Her future was uncertain; she was completely alone and would probably always remain that way. Her past eight years were nothing to look back upon with pride. In fact, thinking of the past only brought remorse.

The shots she used to give Bo were not and never _had_ been a replacement for chi. They reduced the _feeling_ of hunger to make it safer for Lauren and for Bo's human feeds, but they didn't diminish the amount of chi Bo required, let alone remove the need to feed altogether. So even if the shots had not failed because of the onset of Bo's Dawning, she would still have had to feed. Lauren had been wilfully blind in the beginning, carrying on as if sexual fidelity from a succubus were possible. Had she wanted Bo to starve just to appease her by conforming to some human paradigm that was completely inapplicable? Unrealistic expectations had unfairly set Bo up to fail and as the doctor of the pair, it was entirely Lauren's fault that those expectations had been formed in the first place.

She could now accept that Bo was genuinely fond of her but didn't actually love her. It hurt a _lot_ , but she had been loved by no one conscious for eight years, after all; this was par for the course with the fae. What gave her the most acute sense of failure was letting down a patient she cared for deeply because she had wanted her so much. It was precisely why physicians did not treat anyone with whom they had a close relationship. Lauren had selfishly thrown fundamental medical ethics out the window and Bo had paid the price, suffering untold disappointment in herself when she'd had to heal that first time. That had been a critical point in their relationship when it wouldn't have been there at all if Lauren had just addressed the issue at the start. Fortunately, she reflected bitterly, she would never again have another opportunity to fail another patient in like manner, not for the rest of her life.

Which might be very short, if her train of thought kept digressing.

The best defence was a good offence, so she was working out a way to ensure she _didn't_ become expendable. The first problem was how and where she could work privately. Since she had arrived weeks ago, the Morrigan had stopped in at her apartment or at the lab once every two or three days. It must be standard procedure to have surveillance at the lab and on her emails and phone calls. A home lab could be, _would_ be, inspected by Evony. Hiding her private work in plain sight was the only answer. The files in her workspace were accessible at any time so putting all of her private work in one file would be asking for disaster. That meant distributing paper and computer records of her private work among the various paper and computer files relating to her known work, and holding in her head the rest that wouldn't look like it was a natural fit in any of those files. It meant sneaking time to work on the private stuff while appearing to working on an assigned project, _and_ while still turning in progress on those assigned projects. All this while coping with the mental and emotional exhaustion built up over all these years.

But she was managing it and by god, she would continue to do so until she had what she needed.

She couldn't stop the fae destroying themselves in their meaningless internecine strife and it was none of her business if they did, considering what they had done to her and poor Nadia and what they had done and continued to do to other humans. But she didn't have a vengeful nature, and she also remembered, for example, the Aswang whose feeding benefited the human population by removing disease. So she had no desire to harm the fae, she just wished not to have them in her life under the conditions they deemed necessary to impose on her.

Right now, the one doing the imposing was the Morrigan. And protecting herself also meant that others would be safer, particularly Bo who, whatever her faults, did not deserve whatever gruesome fate Evony's unpredictable malice might visit on her if it weren't curbed. So Lauren _had_ to persist.

A perfunctory knock sounded on her door a second before Evony opened it and poked her head in.

"Knock, knock, Lewis."

"Evony," Lauren said drearily. "What brings you by?"

The Morrigan swirled in. "Entertainment."

"I don't know how to juggle."

"Killjoy. The supplement you suggested to those water sprites to counter pollution is working wonders so _they're_ happy. _I_ have just rooted out an insufferable little prick who has been sabotaging my despatch service for weeks. Finally I get to send little packages of him to the Ash, all neatly wrapped up. So _I'm_ happy. _Ev..._ verybody's happy. Ta-da!"

Lauren looked up dully, uninterested. "Congratulations."

Evony inspected her, humming in thought. Then she pointed an accusing finger, "You _see_? What do they say about all work no play? _This_ is what happens. Burn out."

"I am not burned out." Well, she was, but she couldn't afford to allow Evony to truly believe that. A burned out Lauren would be headed for nothing good. "I'm just tired. Can't we do the entertainment thing tomorrow? All I need is sleep."

"At 9pm? Fuck _that_ for a laugh. _I_ know what you need." Evony held up a bottle Lauren hadn't noticed she was carrying.

"Tequi ... LA!" She did a little two-step sideways flourish then sashayed forwards, holding the bottle out invitingly.

Lauren groaned. "Oh, boy."

"I'm celebrating, Lewis. Bring it on!"

Lauren went to fetch shot glasses, salt, limes and a small knife and cutting board. Evony had given her pause for thought, though.

If that veneer of affability were only skin deep, Evony should have left her to her own devices long ago. The periodic check-ins should have been just that and nothing more. Instead Evony continued to keep company with her in a way that was not called for. Had Lauren not been always wary, on the watch for useful intelligence or traps, she would have said Evony's habitual demeanour towards her was downright friendly and it didn't _have_ to be. Evony got nothing out of alleviating Lauren's loneliness. The Dark leader was in no way an avatar of sweetness and light but Lauren was beginning to think quite seriously that she was also not one-dimensionally evil. Here she was, attempting to cheer Lauren up, when there was absolutely no necessity for her to do so. The Morrigan must have plenty of other people to drink with.

Maybe the offensive she had planned to curb Evony's excesses could be just that, a curb, rather than actually harmful ... military past or not, the very thought of doing deliberate harm was anathema. Perhaps she had reason to follow her natural inclinations after all. She still had to be careful, though.

In the bathroom, she willed herself to forget that her private project existed. It was the closest to self-hypnosis she could come. If Evony was going to pour tequila down her throat, there was no telling what she might say. She concentrated on her legitimate projects one by one, and left the bathroom with the last of them at the forefront of her mind; the rest would swim in her subconscious and hopefully would be what surfaced in her drunken babbling ...

...

...

Two hours later Lauren sprawled on a couch, gazing in fascination at the perfectly plain ceiling.

"Sing us a song," Evony carolled.

"I'm not the piano man, I can't think of one," Lauren returned fuzzily. "You sing, I'll p...p...rovide percussion."

" _When Johnny comes marching home again, hurrah, hurrah, ..._ " Evony began cheerfully and surprisingly melodiously.

Lauren laboriously lifted her heavy hand from where it was trailing on the floor and tapped out the beat on the coffee table.

...

" _When Johnny comes mar...ching home_ ," Evony finished.

Lauren clapped arhythmically. "Haven't heard that since my childhood," she slurred.

"Out of fashion. Been a long time since the American Civil War," Evony drawled. She was disjointedly spread over the opposite couch. "Ugh, those uniforms!" She heaved herself up enough to lean over and pour herself another shot.

Lauren wanted to ask if Evony had had personal experience of the Civil War but she couldn't follow up because that stupid tune was still pounding mercilessly in her brain...

...

Still there ...

...

...

Nope. Fuck it, it was still there and wouldn't go away. Simple tune, simple beat. Annoying. Only one thing to do ...

" _The wombats went in one by one, hurrah, hurrah,_ " Lauren sang softly, half to herself. In her peripheral vision, the Morrigan shuffled herself into a position of gangly attention. It occurred to Lauren to wonder why singing was easier than talking when drunk, but she wasn't able to follow that thought through either...

" _The wombats went in one by one, hurrah, hurrah_

 _The wombats went in one by one_

 _And each of them had a submachine gun_

 _And they all went_

 _All went_

 _All went into the Ark._ "

Evony shrieked in drunken delight.

"Lewis, you _are_ fun to play with!" She staggered up and wove unsteadily over, reaching into a pocket and then extending her hand waveringly over Lauren's shot glass as her upright posture seesawed dangerously. Lauren was in no position to help. She didn't think even getting up was an option.

There was a thunky sort of tinkle. Lauren peered. A coin was now sitting in her empty glass.

"More!" Evony cheered.

" _The wombats went in two by two, hurrah, hurrah, ..._ "

Four verses later, Evony was crumpled up on the carpet, giggling nonstop. "One more!" she called, too loudly, so that Lauren winced. She vaguely wondered if this sort of drinking session was to become a regular occurrence and if so, how long her liver would hold out. Her voice fading, she began.

" _The wombats went in six by six, hurrah, hurrah_

 _The wombats went in six by six, hurrah, hurrah_

 _The wombats went in six by six_

 _We have guns and you have sticks_

 _And they all went ..._ "

Evony went into hysterics, drowning out the rest. It was Lauren's last memory of the evening before sleep overtook her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 7

After the Long Hard Conversation, Bo had thanked Kristin and Lise profusely. She had seldom meant anything more. They had left her, reiterating that while she would probably feel bad for a while, it was important not to _wallow_ in it so that she could actually work on being better rather be mired in past failures.

It was just as well she paid attention to this because the conversation had done a complete demolition job on her self-esteem. Bo, however, was nothing if not resilient and determined. She had defeated the Garuda. She would damned well not be defeated by herself. She knew she didn't have Lise's steady maturity or the way Kristin had of seeing things so clearly, but previously she had been lazy, not _wanting_ to think about the hard stuff. While Bo's mind was not complex, she was not at all stupid even though sometimes she believed thinking wasn't her strongest attribute.

Now that she had actually lived through an example of how analyzing a situation was done right: rigorously, unsparingly, she felt able to attempt it all on her own. It made her just a tiny bit proud, feeling like she had taken a big step in growing up. She had worn the big girl clothes and weapons and fought really big baddies and had sex, but she hadn't had an adult mindset in her personal life. Well, she had to grow up sometime and what better motivation than to be the sort of partner Lauren might want? If they ever found her again, that is.

In the result, while Bo wasn't feeling especially charitable towards her friends, her resentment had abated, not wholly but a little, with the recognition that Lauren's state of mind was no one's responsibility but her own and Bo's. Tamsin and Dyson had wanted Bo. Hale could be a milk-and-water weakling with Kenzi and Dyson with whom he felt closest and would never have taken Lauren's side against either of them. But people were naturally self-interested, even Lauren, and they were entitled to be. It wasn't a fault, it was a necessity for survival. It was how far one allowed self-interest to eat away at justice and fairness that was the measure of a person.

And Bo herself had obviously wronged both Tamsin and Dyson. She had after all a succubus's advantages in securing lovers and wanna-be lovers. She was the one who knew they loved her and that she did not love _them_ anywhere like she loved Lauren. So if, as her new friends had pointed out, by failing to squash their aspirations early on she had allowed them enough false hope that they might have been guilty of some horribly adult yet immature version of playground gloating to Lauren's face or worse, it was still she who was most to blame.

So she diligently went to cross off her first task in becoming a better person, apologise to Dyson and tell him that she wouldn't be feeding from him anymore unless it was life or death, Lauren's absence notwithstanding.

He was tremendously disappointed. Bo thought a mating bond being denied could hardly bring anything _but_ pain but she'd been dilatory enough about cutting him loose. Despite the loss of his hopes, though, he was respectful and gracious. So she dared to bring up the tense conversation he'd had with Lauren in the Dal in the very early days, when she had sat between them regretting that she'd not spirited Lauren away, especially because Lauren had left immediately afterwards.

Now she said, "I was still new in town in then. For the first time ever, I could feed and heal without killing. It was really important to me and you know that. So you can understand that as a stranger in town, I didn't want to alienate you, one of the few people I knew then that I wouldn't kill and could believe wouldn't hurt me when I needed to heal. That's why I didn't take Lauren away for a more private drink and I should have. I was wrong in that. But that doesn't absolve you either. Social graces should have made you take off on your own initiative once you knew she was there at my invitation. And even if I was in the wrong to stay, I couldn't have expected what you did. It was a bar, not a schoolyard. For you to pick on Lauren for something she couldn't help when you had all the advantage, not because of any virtue you had but only because you had the sheer luck of being born fae, that was plain bullying. It was as far from noble or honourable as anything I've ever seen."

He closed his eyes momentarily. "I know, I know. I was a tool."

"Dyson, I understand you have this life debt thing going with Lauren now after what she did for you at Taft's. But I don't like to think that it took something like that for you to see how wrong you were, that you didn't have the sense of justice on your own before that to know that your behaviour to her was shitty. That awful conversation was hardly the end of it, was it?"

He said shamefacedly, "No."

"Bullying is cowardice, Dyson."

"Yes, like I said, I was a tool. I know that."

"So all that bullshit about Lauren not being to sustain me was just you being more of a tool? And if you make the excuse that it was true, I swear I'll slap you! You're more than a thousand years old. You must know damn well that's not what a relationship is based on."

His guilty look answered her before he could open his mouth and she held up a hand to stop him from speaking. "Never mind. Look, you know now that Lauren never deserved to be badly treated. She was deprived of her freedom by fraud because the fae valued her skills and didn't think it was enough to buy them honourably with an offer of employment to a human. _You've_ always tried to come across as being a man of honour to me but honour is a lot more than physical bravery and that's mostly what I've seen from you. I appreciate that you went to the Norn for me and I'll always be grateful for it and everything you've sacrificed or been willing to sacrifice for me, but you can't always and forever be trading on that, as if it gives you licence for all shitty behaviour for the rest of time. A man of honour doesn't only show he's honourable to one person and hang everyone else out to dry. It's supposed to be a way of life that everyone can put their faith in, not an air to put on when you're sucking up to just one person."

She let him squirm on the hook of this devastatingly accurate cutdown for a long and satisfying minute. "So tell me how you think Lauren _should_ be treated. Ignore your own interests; imagine I weren't around."

He thought about that seriously and then nodded just once, straightening his back. "I see your point. I'm ashamed of myself, Bo. I will apologise to her if I ever get the chance and you may trust that I will be better. Not just to her, but overall. I wasn't acting my age with her or in the least bit well. It's no excuse that I wanted you and the mating bond was acting on me as it did."

"What do you mean?"

"The hormones. It made me more ... pubescent, even in its formative stages." He flushed.

"Actually," Bo said thoughtfully, "to me, that's probably a better excuse than most, even though it's still not enough to put you in the right. I'm the last one to lecture you about resisting a biological imperative!"

They smiled thinly each other.

"Well," Bo said, "it's not my place to forgive you, that's for Lauren. But for what it's worth, this conversation required moral, not physical, courage and I do think well of you for it."

He managed a grin despite his broken heart. "It's given me a lot of respect for you too."

"There's one last thing, speaking of that mating bond," Bo said.

Dyson tensed.

"Dyson, as fond as I am of you, I'll still love Lauren even if she doesn't want me anymore or if she dies before I do." Bo flinched minutely at the very thought of that. "Point is, at the moment, I'm her Dyson. By the time I'm able to love someone else, and I don't know if I ever will, it could be years ahead. We'll all be different people in some way. I can't hold out hope for you. Can't you do something about it? It's a bit of burden to me, to be honest. I can't help feeling it's underhanded and you're hoping to guilt me into being with you and I resent it. I never asked for that responsibility or wanted it. I'd have told you that if you'd told me about it from the start as you should have."

"Bo, I did speak of the mating bond in the past tense."

"What?" Bo sat up straighter in hope. "You mean it's not there still?"

"No. When Kenzi got my love back, it was minus the bond. I guess that while the bond _requires_ love before it can form, it's really something more … or different. So when the Norn took my love, she didn't take the bond, she took the conditions for its existence. That's my theory anyway. Whatever the truth of it, I just feel good old fashioned love for you now. I can work on that. It's not such a cast iron thing as the bond. So maybe it's a good thing all that Norn stuff happened."

Bo breathed more easily. "Why didn't you tell me? I've felt so bad for so long because of it."

"I'm sorry, really, but I honestly didn't know it'd make a difference, Bo. I mean, I still felt, feel, love." He gave a sad smile. "Does it help at all that the guilt might be justified because I still hurt anyway?"

"No," Bo said baldly.

They sniggered together morosely.

Bo liked him the better for being able to do that despite all he must be feeling. Now she'd vented a bit of spleen and the air was clear between them, she could appreciate his good qualities without guilt.

"Okay, so all the shitty behaviour after you got your love back, through all the time Lauren and I were together - you've got no excuse for that?"

He sighed and shook his head. "Nope. Not just a tool, but an unvarnished tool. I know, Bo. Not my proudest moments."

"Well," Bo sighed in her turn, "it wasn't as if I was a shining example of good behaviour myself. I can tell you mean it, so there isn't any point chewing you out any more. I'm still pissed, mind, and I gonna go on reserving judgment until I'm convinced you really have changed for the better. I just can't treat you worse than I've been treated since I was probably more awful than you ... and I see you're not jumping all over yourself to correct me on that."

He grinned. "Naw, you were pretty awful, I can let you have that! I'll be kinda glad to leave that all behind us both. Next time we have a drink, we'll toast to being the people we prefer to be."

She rose to go. "So we're still friends, right?"

"Always," he confirmed. They shook hands with warmth.

"Well," Bo said, "I have to talk to Tamsin next."

"You're outta luck," he remarked. "I don't think she's in town anymore now Hale's back."

Chapter 8

Several weeks after her talk with Dyson, Bo answered the knock at the front door to find a bike messenger.

"I have a delivery for Bo Dennis, Unaligned," he said, reading the back of the envelope in his hand. "To be signed for."

Bo signed. Inside the house she opened the envelope and withdrew a single sheet of stiff thick paper just as Kenzi came downstairs. They read it together.

 **"FORMAL ANNOUNCEMENT TO ALL SIDES**

The Dark Fae formally announce the appointment of Dr Lauren Lewis, formerly of the Light, to the Dark Fae Science and Medical Facilities, with special dispensation to keep fulfilled all pre-existing confidentiality obligations."

The Morrigan's title and signature were at the bottom, with an official looking stamp.

"Whoa!" Kenzi exclaimed. "Holy frickin' disaster!"

Bo threw down the announcement and headed for the door.

"Bo, where ya goin'?"

"I'm going after her, Kenzi, what do you think? You _know_ what the Dark could do to her."

"Wait, wait, wait! Bo, if they were doing bad things to her, why would they announce it like that? Let's just see what Hale and Dyson and Trick have to say about it first."

Bo said over her shoulder, "Call them and _you_ can talk to them. I'll drop you at the Dal on the way."

But when she rocked up to the Dark compound, she was met by a road barrier and firearms levelled at her a long, long way from arm's reach. They wouldn't allow her near them so she had to shout out her identity. It was to no avail and she retired in disarray. The Morrigan, it seemed, had changed her security protocols and had no love for Bo.

On her way back to the Dal, she tried calling the Dark Science and Medical facilities under an alias, which got her past the first question. When asked the reason for her call to Dr Lewis though, she utterly failed to come up with any convincing scientific inquiry that would merit being connected to the doctor.

Foiled a second time by petty minions of the Dark, Bo arrived at the Dal seething.

She found Trick, Dyson, Hale and Kenzi in a huddle by the bar and stormed up to them.

"Bo, stop it," Trick said sternly. "No one needs you flying off the handle, Lauren least of all. Calm down and listen and then we can make a plan."

Bo forced her ire died down to simmer, took a seat and nodded.

Hale said, "Bo, Lauren's safe for the time being so there no need for immediate panic."

"How can you say that?" Bo burst out. "They could be doing god knows what to her right now!"

"Bo, listen!" Kenzi insisted. "Hale, will you just cut to the damn announcement before she loses it?!"

"Right," Trick said instead of Hale. "You wouldn't know this Bo, but among the fae formal announcements are like blood oaths. If Evony wanted to get Light secrets out of Lauren, she wouldn't have said anything. She'd just have done it and we'd be none the wiser. If she's gone to the trouble of making a formal announcement, we can take it as a fact that Lauren is not being tortured for information."

Just that last phrase being spoken aloud made Bo's heart seize a little. Only the good sense behind what Trick said and his calm demeanour kept her from all out panic. "Are you sure?" she asked desperately.

"Yes, Bo. You don't have to worry about that. It's a measure of protection, unusual but effective. It dissuades the Light from taking the risk of sending assassins after her. Everyone knows Lauren wouldn't volunteer anything. Her previous patients all know she's a stickler for confidentiality and besides, telling Evony anything sensitive would just invite retribution. Lauren would know that and so do we all. So the only way would be to force her and Evony's just nixed that as a possibility."

"They wouldn't let me in to see her. They wouldn't even let me talk to her on the phone," Bo grumbled, still feeling thwarted.

"Look," Hale said. "The effect of the announcement is to tell everyone that Lauren has the protection of the Dark and no one from the Light needs to bother trying to get past Dark security to silence her because their secrets are safe. OK? Now can we work out the end game?"

"What end game?" Bo said.

Dyson's voice crossed hers. "There isn't one."

When they all looked at him, he said, "It's just a fact that she's with the Dark now. The Light isn't going to mount an attack and effectively declare war just to get her back. And anyway an attack would be the surest way to get her killed. There's no way around it. She's there and we have to accept that."

"But …" Bo couldn't stand the thought of knowing where Lauren was and still being unable to see her.

"Dyson's right," Trick said. "I'm sorry, Bo, but isn't the most important thing that she's all right? At least we know that now."

"I haven't _seen_ that she's all right, Trick. If any of you had gone missing for months, I'd want to see you were all right with my own eyes too."

Dyson shook his head. "I just don't know how you'll do that, Bo, unless you can sneak in like you did before at the Light compound. But Hale and I can't be seen to help you without triggering a war. We can only help invisibly."

Bo was losing hope.

"Well, well, well … me mates in the Happy Sunshine Gang. Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding, brownies come to the pow-wow ring," Vex's voice sang.

Bo was on him before anyone could stop her. "What do you know about this, Vex?" She held him firmly by the collar and thrust Trick's copy of the formal announcement under his nose.

Vex tried jerking away but Bo held fast.

"Not the way to win friends and influence people," he scolded.

"Vex …" Bo tightened her grip.

"You really think I'm going to talk like this?" he challenged back.

Reluctantly Bo let go.

Vex straightened his collar in a huff and minced to the bar. "Hit me," he said to Trick, who poured him a shot of whiskey without demur.

"Come on, Vex!" Bo nearly shouted.

"Tch! Impatient!" Vex wagged an admonishing finger. "I'll talk to you and I'll talk to Hale but no one else. In fact everyone else might as well go home, because if you two don't blood-swear absolute secrecy, my lips stay sealed. And you, dog-boy," he pointed the finger at Dyson, "better not be listening if you don't want those blood oaths to bite your friends."

Dyson pushed himself away from the bar. "Fine. I have to get back to work anyway. Hale, I'll cover for you for now." Hale was back as his partner now that a permanent Ash had been appointed after a Stag Hunt Bo had refused to attend.

Vex drank his whiskey, watching Dyson leave. "Okay, outside," he said.

Hale and Bo followed him a good distance from the Dal. He kept going, testing Bo's patience. He took them all the way to the middle of a large greensward in a park before turning to face them.

"Okay," he said, holding out a penknife. "Inside voices. Swear that no one else shall, through your agency, know of what we speak now." His voice was unaccustomedly formal. He was serious. Bo took heart.

"Wait. I wanna be able to tell the others if Lauren's all right."

"As of yesterday when I saw her she was. Now swear."

She and Hale made their blood oaths.

Vex grinned. "What do you want to know?"

"How did the Morrigan get hold of her?" Hale asked.

"She searched."

" _We_ searched," Bo pointed out.

"The Morrigan has plenty of searchers to spare. You don't," Vex shrugged. "You sure you want to waste time on that? Not like I have all day, y'know."

" _When_ did she find her?" was Hale's next question.

"Coupla months ago," Vex waved a dismissive hand.

"Where does Lauren live?" Bo asked next.

"The Dark compound. A nice apartment, not a dungeon."

"Does the Morrigan have plans to harm her?" Hale asked.

Vex grinned hugely. "Nope. Now ask me why."

"Why?" Bo was too impatient to voice her irritation.

"Becau…uuu….se the good doctor has made Evony ….ding ding ding …. lose her powers!" Vex dropped this bombshell with glee and outspread arms. He crossed them back over his chest and surveyed its effect with complacency. It was all he could have wished for.

Hale's jaw dropped. Bo looked like someone had smacked her in the face with a fish. There was a short stunned silence. Then ...

" _What?_ " they chorused, voices high as schoolgirls'.

"Yup. Now zippity doo dah, folks. Have to go!"

"No! Wait, Vex. When was this? How is Evony maintaining her position?" Hale could now understand why Vex had wanted his oath. It was warworthy news for the Light.

"Last week. The doc and I aren't talking and Evony sure as little apples won't."

"Why aren't you doing something about it? Last I checked, you weren't a fan, so why haven't you ousted her?" Hale asked.

"Tchah! You think I want to deal with _paperwork_?" Vex's scorn was magnificent. "Are you mad? She can't melt me anymore and she knows I won't keep my gob shut if she sends other people after me. That's all _I_ care about."

"But … but … _how_? Evony wouldn't have let Lauren anywhere near her with a needle in her hand." Bo was so amazed she hardly knew what questions she should ask.

Vex's eyelid dropped in a sly wink and he leered. "You're a succubus. Use your imagination. _I_ certainly did." He licked his upper lip with exaggerated lewdness and Bo felt ill.

"Just say it, Vex, and stop playing around!" she barked. "Did Evony _force_ her …."

"Well, I wasn't there, was I? Just tellin' you what I think. It's a good story to _my_ depraved mind. And now, I'm really off." He danced away.

"Vex!" Bo shouted. "What's her number?"

He flipped her off and Bo lunged towards him but he made her feet stand still and had disappeared by the time she could move again.


	5. Chapter 5

**PART 2**

Chapter 9

"Blondie, I have a new project for you."

Evony had naturally been furious with Lauren. Surprisingly, however, she hadn't attempted any violence. Of course, she needed the doctor to reverse the condition she had inflicted, which was the whole point of inflicting it. But people in a full-blown rage forget temperance and wisdom, which was why Lauren had had a tranquilising syringe up her sleeve which it turned out she never needed.

When asked why she had had the base ingratitude to do this to someone who had only ever treated her well, a conscience-stricken Lauren had confessed her fears. Evony had fallen silent then and Lauren had left, still convinced of the wisdom of what she had done, but no longer quite so adamant about its rightness.

Even more surprisingly, their interactions continued after that. Evony was still occasionally a bit acidic and irritable but that was hardly to be wondered at. In her place, Lauren thought, she would probably have borne the grudge more strongly and for much longer.

So now she blinked up at her with a small but genuine smile, "Morrigan, I thought my priority was the restoration project."

"It still is your overarching priority. However this new thing is urgent and must take precedence for the time being." The Morrigan's Jimmy Choos clicked over to Lauren's desk. A moment later, a cloth was spread open on the work table set at right angles to the desk.

Lauren stood to get a better view. It was a map, handdrawn with a brownish ink Lauren hoped was not blood.

"I need you to assist in identifying the region depicted, genius," Evony said.

Lauren stared at her. "How? I can test the material and the pigment but they may have nothing to do with what's drawn."

"Well, start with that anyway. You don't recognize the place?"

Lauren looked at the map again. There was no compass point and no legend. "This could be anywhere. We don't even know what scale it's drawn to. Whoever drew it wasn't any kind of proper mapmaker. I'd say it was drawn as an aide memoire for himself rather than to guide others. What's that?" She pointed at a crudely drawn cross with 'RT' scrawled next to it.

"It won't help with identifying the region," Evony said.

"Are you sure?" Lauren was dubious. "Any little thing might help."

"It won't help because it is an artefact we mean to find using the map, not a geographical feature."

"There are precious few of those drawn," Lauren observed. "Nothing a satellite map could be compared to, especially since we don't even know orientation and scale."

"If it were easy, I wouldn't need help, would I?" Evony retorted crossly.

Lauren frowned at the map. "Are you sure there's nothing you feel able to tell me regarding the object named on the map? You never know, it might prompt me to think of something that might help."

Evony sighed. "Have you ever heard of Rangumen's Torc?"

Ah, the 'RT'. "No," Lauren said.

"Rangumen was the leader of the fae in his region, which was basically Macedonia. In his day, there was no Light-Dark divide so fae allegiances depended largely on location. He lived long before Alexander the Great, which is why the torc is made of plain old iron. He wore it nearly all through his reign. He was killed not long after he took it off... apparently, he gave it to his younger daughter as a keepsake when she chose to leave home and make her own way in the world. But since he was killed shortly after she left, the speculation spread that the torc protected him in some way."

Evony glared. "So I'm feeling vulnerable right now, so sue me," she snipped. "You have only yourself to blame for why I want it."

Lauren remained calm. Evony would have wanted it regardless. Her motto seemed to be that one could never have too much protection and besides, she would want to deprive anyone else of the benefit of the torc. "Look, you just can't melt people now. You're still fae. You still have the long life and the strength. You're not that much more vulnerable. Tell me about the map?"

"One of my people found it while digging a fire pit a few hours hike out of Winnipeg," Evony said dismissively.

"But why would you think it has anything to with this torc? It could be the location of someone with those initials, where he lives or his grave. It could be lots of other things. And why would the torc be in Canada anyway?"

"Rangumen's daughter kept it a good long while after he died. The last anyone I know heard of her, she was in Iceland in the 1950's. About a decade after that, the torc was carried by messenger to the Archivist of the Silver Wood and he reported it stolen sometime in the '70's." She sniffed. "Careless."

"Who's …" Lauren began.

"Oh, the post is defunct now, probably because of the theft. The old fool was appointed as some sort of historian by the Ash. Presumably Rangumen's daughter chose the Light after the Blood Laws were written, silly girl. Even sillier to have got rid of the thing, and of all people to send it to…." Evony rolled her eyes. "The torc's been missing since then. The thief or thieves were never identified."

"Still, the map might have nothing to do with it."

"Won't know unless we go there and see, will we?" Evony was back to being tart, but Lauren sensed that this was a distraction. Evony had reason to think the map was relevant, she just didn't want to explain it.

"Have you asked the Dark fae in the Winnipeg area if they recognize the locality depicted?"

Evony was silent.

"Let me guess," Lauren said dryly. "You didn't want anyone else to see the map in case they go off afterwards and get the torc themselves."

Evony huffed, which confirmed Lauren's theory, then pointed out, "Just because the map was found near Winnipeg doesn't mean what's drawn is anywhere around there."

"Look," Lauren said, "Just scan the thing with the 'RT' blocked out and then show it around. The more people who look at it, the higher the probability that someone will recognize the place. I don't see how testing the material will get us anywhere, but I'll do it anyway on the off chance it does provide a clue."

"Go ahead," Evony's eyes were gleaming again.

Lauren wondered with a little spider crawl of anxiety whether, if Evony got the torc and its power of invulnerability was real, she would deem the doctor's efforts to restore her melting power unnecessary. She had to hope that Evony would want her power back nonetheless. The Dark leader did like aggression as much as, if not more than, defence.

Chapter 10

As Bo hung up from Trick's call summoning her to the Dal, Kenzi came haphazardly down the stairs and made blindly for the kitchen. "Bo?" she croaked.

Bo looked up. Kenzi feebly pointed at the coffee machine silently, leaning against the wall, eyelids at half mast. Even the skulls on her pyjamas seemed to droop.

"What do you say?" Bo teased.

"I will pawn your dagger if you don't make the so good so good caff."

"Kenzi, I have no idea what you just said."

"Me too," Kenzi mumbled ungrammatically. She shuffled to the couch and collapsed onto it beside Bo. Her eyes closed completely.

Bo prodded her gently.

No reaction.

She poked a bit harder.

Still nothing.

Bo took a deep breath and quirked her lips.

"MY BONNIE LIES OVER THE OCEAN ..." she bawled as offkey as she could make it while keeping it recognizable.

"AUGHHHH!" Kenzi shrieked, jumping awake instantly. "Oh my god, oh my god, my ears, my ears, my poor poor ears!"

"MY BONNIE LIES OVER THE SEA ..."

"Uncle! Mercy!" Kenzi begged. "Ohh please, god, pretty, pretty please PLEEEEEZ make coffee, beautiful SuccuBo!"

"What do I get in return?" Bo made as if to stand up.

"A non-crabby roommate who will not pawn your dagger?"

Bo sat back down.

"Extortion!" Kenzi groaned. "It's too early for blackmail."

"It's 1pm, Kenzi."

"See?!"

"YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE, MY ONLY SUNSHINE ..."

Kenzi screamed in agony into the couch cushions and Bo snickered like Muttley.

"What do you _want_?"

"Trick's asked us to go to the Dal, so get ready, please. Now."

"Coffee first."

"YOU MAKE ME HAPPEEEE ..."

"AHHHHHHH! OK, OK! Start the coffee and I'll start changing."

"Done." Bo got up and waited.

They stared at each other.

Several seconds passed.

Then Bo visibly drew in another deep breath and opened her mouth.

"Going now!" Kenzi shot up off the couch and pattered upstairs with all haste. Bo grinned and went to the coffeemaker.

A half hour later Kenzi had washed and changed and sucked down two mugs of boiling coffee with a speed Bo could only envy and they drove to the Dal. There they found Dyson and Hale already waiting and Kenzi made straight for the siren for her hangover cure.

Another few minutes passed before they were ensconced around Trick's desk in his study. Kenzi had been given a basket of mini-muffins and was stuffing them whole into her mouth, for once mindful of Trick's structures as he had threatened to take the basket away if he saw so much as one crumb fall.

He pushed a sheet of paper across the table towards his audience and they craned to look at the crude markings on it.

"Some kind of stupid ass map made by a stupid ass draughtsman," Dyson grouched, reasonably enough. "Or a child. Why is it important?"

"The Morrigan's trying to identify the location. Apparently she's been showing this around the Dark fae for the last couple of weeks. She's never done anything like that, involve all and sundry in her business. It must be important and if it's important to the Morrigan, we're well advised to find out what it's all about."

Trick looked at Bo meaningfully.

"Oh, you need me to ask the Dark fae?"

"Well, yes. Dyson and Hale and I can't." he replied. "The guys can take copies and ask around the Light fae to see if anyone recognizes it but only you can ask the Dark."

"Are you by any chance, oh dear sweet Trick, _hiring_ us for this job?" Kenzi asked, all saccharine.

Thank goodness for the goth. It hadn't occurred to Bo to ask to be paid because it was Trick, but she and Kenzi earned their living precisely because they could cross the lines.

So when Trick looked at Bo to see if she would correct Kenzi, she just stared innocently and enquiringly back at him.

"All right," he gave in with good enough grace.

"Good," Bo said brightly. "Kenzi, you'll discuss the rate with Trick while I start making calls?"

"Sure thing, Bobo, leave it to _moi_!"

To Bo's amusement, Trick was looking dismayed as she walked out with her phone in her hand, but her mirth was transitory. Her Dark fae contacts had had no news of Lauren when she'd approached them just after the announcement was published. Perhaps one of them might have an update now.

...

...

Hours later, she thumped noisily back into the Dal like a discontented very small elephant. Fortunately it was mid-afternoon and the bar was empty.

"Trick!" she trumpeted. "One of my Dark fae contacts says Lauren isn't at work in the Dark compound!"

"I thought you were asking about the map. I distinctly remember agreeing to pay ..."

"Yes, I did," Bo assured him. "None of my contacts knows anything. I asked them about Lauren after I asked about the map so I have done the work. It isn't my fault the Morrigan plays her cards close to her chest."

"Oh," Trick said in a disappointed voice.

"Oh, please pay attention, Trick! Lauren's more important than some stupid map no one can make heads or tails of."

Trick looked exasperated. "Bo, what can I possibly do about Lauren not being at work? All the concern in the world isn't going to change the fact that I can't just march into the Dark compound and ask about her."

"Can't you?" Bo challenged. "I already know the Morrigan won't let me in. But she might let _you_ in. You've talked to her before. Maybe she'll even tell you about the map."

Trick heaved a sigh. "It's not a strong position to take, Bo. She doesn't have any immediate need for me so she'll probably want to know what I have to offer and I have nothing. She won't agree to see me."

"You know more about the fae than anyone else, Trick. Tell her you might be able to help her with it."

"But that isn't true!"

"Of course it isn't true _now_. But that's because we have so little to go on. If she can tell you something about it then you might be able to tell her something more, right? If she's casting the net as wide as she is, she's probably desperate."

"Not desperate enough to stop being cagey," Trick muttered.

Bo glared at him.

"Oh all right, I'll grow a spine," he groaned. "Just … go away, please, and let me figure out what to say."

Bo had no choice but to mooch off home moodily.

Chapter 11

Lauren was fed to the teeth with this expedition.

Mindos, one of the Dark fae, had vaguely thought the locale depicted on the map was somewhere in the Yukon she'd passed through years before and on the strength of that slender thread, the Morrigan had named her trip leader. Against all Lauren's expectations, she had been asked to go as well. Her protestations that she would only slow them down were to no avail. She still didn't understand why Evony wanted her on the team.

She'd flown with Mindos and two other Dark fae, Brinno, who apparently hailed from some ancient Germanic tribe and Brick, short for Bricius, also a very old fae, up to Whitehorse. They'd chartered a plane for aerial surveillance until they found a spot that seemed to correspond with the map. They'd taken photos from the air and got satellite photos as well so they could plan a way in and it became obvious that no four wheel drive or even horses would get them there. They would have to hoof it and it would be arduous though not dangerous.

So then they'd got in supplies and got geared up and started walking from a trailhead where they'd left their truck. Lauren was in reasonably good condition but she hadn't been allowed to go hiking in the years she'd been with the Light. And the others were all fae of course, which meant they could walk faster and longer. They had quickly discovered that Lauren's pace wasn't comfortable for them so they had formed the habit of going at their pace and leaving her to catch up with them at the end of the day, by which time they would already have set up camp and started on dinner. Lauren would stagger in exhausted and collapse on the ground, usually too tired to eat properly.

It didn't help that they had the typical fae attitude towards humans. In her mind Lauren had named it 'just-call-me-shotgun' because of the excellent view she got of people's nostrils. She had no doubt that if there had been any dangers on the trail, they would have hung back to help her out but there weren't. Not a bear in sight, surprisingly, or a cliff to traverse. So the days were long and for the most part solitary. She actually preferred it to their company and being out here with the space and the silence was a nice break from her normal routine and Evony's rather annoying overwatch.

The downside was that she was so very, very tired. After the first day, she'd been so sore that the second day had been agony and the third only a little better. Those three had planned the days believing that they had taken her limitations into account, and the distance covered each day _was_ in fact less than Lauren believed the fae could have gone without her, but it was still a bit too much for her.

Once on a university break she'd slept for fourteen hours in a hostel bed after a totally exhausting day's hike. This time though, she managed at best about five hours sleep a night on average and that was troubled, partly because of the summer light this far north and partly because of her discomfort with the others. She never recovered fully before the next taxing day began. Her belly and cheeks were hollowing out and she was steadily being drained of her physical resources.

So today she had been slower than ever before, now running so late that the short summer night was approaching. Doggedly she stumbled on, her fatigue a further depressing reminder that in her teammates' eyes, she deserved their disdain.

At length she stopped and leaned on a tree, perching her rear on a conveniently low branch to take the weight off her feet for a short rest and closed her eyes, determined not to weep with loneliness and the constant feeling of always being 'lesser'. She felt herself swaying before she jolted fully awake but it was too late – her balance was off and she was about to fall on her face.

A crab scuttle of alarm went up her neck as she was suddenly pulled firmly against the tree by bindings all over her body.

In the dimming light she could see creepers of indeterminate colour all over herself. Lauren hadn't studied the plants of this region in much detail though she'd come across a few because of their medicinal properties. She must have triggered some sort of defence mechanism in this one although she'd never heard or read of one like this. Crap! If she struggled they might tighten. She could just imagine what the others would say if they got tired of waiting and came back looking for her, finding her in this ridiculous situation. Worse than a laggard. A nuisance. She gritted her teeth and tried to put the indignity out of her mind. She had to stay calm and still. She was absolutely trapped.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 12

"What's up?" Kenzi looked up from the TV as Bo did her elephant imitation upon entering the house.

Bo explained.

"I hope she's OK," Kenzi said soberly.

Bo slumped onto the couch. Kenzi eyed her carefully.

"What?" Bo said grumpily.

"We're all worried about her, Bo."

"Coulda fooled me," Bo muttered.

"Just because we don't moan about it all the time ..."

"Don't placate me, Kenz!" Bo snapped. "You wouldn't mind if she never came back to me."

Kenzi stared at her while Bo fumed silently.

The succubus had been drinking less these days because now that she was confident about really being more grown up, she didn't feel the need to prove it through drinking capacity, which was how she'd started in the first place all those years ago. One less than welcome result was that as Kenzi continued to binge on vodka and tequila until she was in a vulnerable stupor every night without fail, even when she was away from home where she might be safe, and continued to have hangovers every morning that made her non-functional until Hale, her ever-willing crutch and enabler, whistled them away, Bo had felt herself getting mildly annoyed. And then she'd felt guilty about this because she'd been just the same not so long ago. She knew she had no business being self-righteous about this. It was bad enough that she was fae and Kenzi was human; she didn't want to come across as being superior in human matters that they had in common. So she'd overcompensated in the way she treated Kenzi and that did nothing but make the impatience grow larger and larger in her mind. It was coming to a head now.

"I don't want her hurt, Bo," Kenzi said reproachfully.

"Yeah? Really? When she was hiding here from Lachlan, you wanted her gone even though that meant she would be in danger," Bo fired back. It was a bit unfair referring to the pre-truce Kenzi but she thought her point was valid nonetheless. "You might not want her hurt when there's nothing else at stake, but if that were the price of us both being happy you wouldn't care. I might be partly to blame because I've been an ass but it's not as if you don't think independently. You never liked her from the start."

Kenzi said nothing. Plainly she hadn't expected this. Her lips tightened and she glanced quickly at the door.

Bo sighed, "Oh, don't run away. Just tell me the truth, please."

"Look, Bo, Lachlan was a long time ago, things changed."

"How much?"

"I dunno," Kenzi said a bit truculently. "Enough."

"Don't give me that vague shit!"

Kenzi rolled her eyes, which only increased Bo's ire. "I'm serious here, Kenzi. Avoidance ain't gonna cut it, missy."

Kenzi threw up her hands. "Bo, why are you picking on me about this _now_? We had a normal day like nine-to-five normal and then all of a sudden almost from the minute you walk in you're pissed like Bodzilla."

"KENZI!" Bo's voice echoed in the draughty house. "Can you have a proper conversation without trying to be cute? Style over substance is _not_ the way to go right now!"

Kenzi stared at her again. They'd quarrelled over relatively trivial things in the past but this was shaping up to be their first serious blow up ever.

"Dammit, I am missing her and missing her so _much_ and I've been worried about her for so long. Now is NOT the time to be all clever and slippery. Can't you see that?" Bo hadn't entirely lost her temper but Kenzi hadn't been soothing her building frustration.

"Fine," Kenzi said quietly.

They were silent for a minute while Bo marshalled her thoughts. "You never wanted Lauren for me, did you?"

Kenzi sighed. "Bo, if she makes you happy I'm fine with it. I promised you a truce before the pigmen came around and I stuck to it. I started to like and respect her and I still do."

"Placating..." Bo reminded. "Reluctant concession much? Just say what you gotta say."

"It's just that I can't understand it," Kenzi rushed it out with the air of something long withheld. "... with the feeding thing, y'know."

Bo couldn't believe it at first. Kenzi wasn't being a hypocrite trotting out this argument like Dyson had been, the goth was honestly confused. Then she remembered that Kenzi was the youngest of them all.

"Nothing's changed about that," Kenzi continued, "And here you have ... "

"I don't think that was the problem," Bo interjected. " _I_ didn't want her for feeding, and _she_ couldn't have a relationship with a dead succubus."

"I don't think it was much fun for her to see you feeding in the bed you shared with her," Kenzi observed dubiously. "I was there, remember?"

"We were just starting to figure out how to go about it then. After that she didn't want to be involved and that was the way we went. And I always changed the sheets. I wouldn't've brought the feeds here if it weren't much the safest option. I control _them_ but what if there were other people around where they live or they planned an ambush? No, I'm sure now she didn't break up with me just because I had to feed or she'd 'a dumped me long ago. I never took her chi at all when we were in bed. It wasn't about that for one thing, and for another even if I did, I'd still have to feed from others, so why take it at all when she has little enough to spare at the end of the day after working so hard to save lives? What if I made her tired and the next day someone died? We'd both have blamed ourselves. We were just too caught up at the beginning to think about feeding, and then I had to heal and she wasn't there so we couldn't talk about it first. That one time after the Dawning, I never meant to take her chi. Or yours either. I should have apologized," Bo sighed. "I was disoriented and panicked and wasn't thinking. I'm really sorry about that."

"Never mind about that now. I don't like that you risked our lives without so much as a by-your-leave, but seeing that I've taken risks for Dyson myself, I can forgive you so long as you know it was wrong. ...So it wasn't a case of Lauren not feeding you enough, she didn't feed you at all?"

"Not with chi, no. We had plenty of sex. As you know."

"So, like I said, I guess I just don't get it. You have people who can feed you enough all around, not inside the Dark compound. There's fae all around and especially at the Dal. You were getting it on with Tamsin after the doc left. And Dyson's always there ... and we both know he's a good guy."

"Kenzi, would you marry a pizza?"

"What?" Kenzi did a small double-take at the abrupt question. "What kind of a question is that?"

"No one else has a romantic relationship with their food, Kenzi! Why do you think I alone _must?_ Why can't you get that?" Bo burst out. "I have sex with other people to _feed_. When I sleep with Lauren, the lovemaking is great, sure, but so is cuddling with her and feeling her smile against my cheek and watching her sleep and looking in her eyes in the mirror when we're brushing our teeth! And just ... knowing she's there! I can feed from anyone else like you can buy a pizza anywhere. Don't you prefer to buy a pizza where you won't get mugged and where the portions are big? So sure, I had preferred feeds because they were safe even for healing and I could get enough from them. But they were still pizza to me. And Dyson and Tamsin are history now."

Kenzi was quiet.

Bo pressed on. "Would you go out with someone just because they had the right qualifications on _paper_? No, you wouldn't. You'd want to feel the buzz you get when someone's right for you. So why would you think I would have a relationship with someone just because they're fae and can feed me and they're here?"

Kenzi let out a breath and rested her head back. "OK, I get it, Bo. Lauren gives you the warm and fuzzies like no one else. I guess I never thought about it so deeply, you know. I mean the feels being so separate from the feeding. It was confusing when you were feeding from strangers one day and then from Tamsin and the wolfman the next."

 _Dennis, you really have shit for brains. If even Kenzi thought this, Lise and Kristin were right on the money._

"I was a jerk about that," Bo acknowledged. "I shouldn't've fed from Dyson and Tamsin even with Lauren gone. Does that make it less confusing?"

"Much, yeah ..." but Kenzi's still thoughtful look alerted Bo that the conversation wasn't over.

"Go on."

"Well, ... you know I don't know Lauren all that well 'cos she doesn't hang out like the others do ..."

"Because they're free and Lauren wasn't!" Bo said, her voice rising again in indignation. "And she was working! Helping us and other people! I can't believe you'd hold that against her. And how can you take being claimed by me for granted like that? No human among the fae lives like you. Did you seriously just spend all this time blaming a victim?"

"No!" Kenzi denied reflexively, but her voice weakened as she went on, "I just meant, that's how I knew Dyson better and got to like him so much."

Bo had suspected that a conversation like this might be in the offing. She just hadn't known what Kenzi's actual opinions were and she hadn't meant to start it in a bad mood.

Troubled by Bo's silence, Kenzi admitted, "Look, maybe I wasn't fair about that but it's still true that I know Dyson a lot better, even though it isn't the doc's fault ..."

"Okay ...," Bo waited for her to continue.

"And of course you know why I held back a bit even after the truce, even though I did start to like her."

"I really don't actually." Bo went narrow-eyed. "Spit it out."

"Hello..o? Spy-bang ring a bell? And then sleeping with you without telling you about Nadia? Look, I know the wolfman turned you down in the beginning and kept your mother's identity a secret from you so he isn't all golden either, but the point is, it was a bad start. It's a wash between them on the doing-wrong part, but he's right here now."

Bo stared her with stupefaction and dawning horror. She had thought it was a simple case of Kenzi and Lauren just being different characters that didn't naturally take to each other. She hadn't had an inkling of this.

Kenzi saw her expression and quailed. No one had ever looked at her like that before. And from Bo, of all people. It was making her feel distinctly queasy and she didn't understand. "Bo?" she whispered.

Bo tried to speak and her voice failed her. She held up a hand and looked away, concentrating on breathing to calm herself. She had to stand and pace a little before she finally felt steadier. The words she had heard in the supermarket floated into her mind. _I don't just get to protect your body, you know._

She looked back at her best friend, jaw hard with the effort of self-control, and spoke carefully.

"Kenzi, it _wasn't_ a wash between them. Lauren never did one thing wrong and Dyson did."

"What are you _talking_ ..." Kenzi began to protest.

Self-control went out the window. Bo lost her temper outright and interrupted her savagely.

"Shut up!"

Shocked by this unprecedented behaviour, Kenzi froze, openmouthed.

"That first time …. look me in the eyes right NOW, Kenzi! And _tell me_! Tell me that you would rather Lauren and Nadia had _died_ because she disobeyed the Ash, just so I wouldn't get my feelings hurt?" Bo actually backed unthinkingly away from Kenzi as she said this.

Blank stare.

"Do you even _know_ how fucked up that is?" Bo shouted.

Silence.

"Answer me!"

Kenzi couldn't. The enormity of the accusation was hitting her full force.

"Nadia was defenceless. Lauren wasn't just trying to cure her, she was protecting her. You know what people who protect the powerless are called? You see it on TV and movies and the news every day. They're called _heroes_ , Kenzi! It's what _we_ try to do all the time! What choice did Lauren have? Why do you keep blaming her for being the Ash's _victim_? Did you forget she and Nadia had known each other for years and had been all-in close, and Lauren had barely met me weeks before and only seen me a few times since then? You think people should be disloyal to friends and family for my sake even when they hardly know me? That's not even realistic, Kenzi, and it wouldn't be OK! Every time we met before that Lauren was doing something for me, giving me my shots, helping with my cases. That was the first time she wasn't, the first time she ever asked _me_ for something and it wasn't even for herself but to keep me alive! She asked me for something for once and I said no. Like every other asshole fae who only ever used her. And I went from being an asshole to being a bigger asshole because I was too busy being hurt to do her the justice of letting her explain. But at least when I found out about Nadia I understood. And yes, I was envious of Nadia but the point _now_ is, the Ash could have killed her at any time. She was a damned _hostage_ however he dressed it up. Lauren did it because she had no choice, because I was a stubborn ass who wouldn't listen. She did it to keep us all alive! There was _nothing_ to forgive her for!"

Kenzi wasn't even looking at her anymore. Her head was down.

"And as for the second thing, you just ask yourself what you would have been like if you'd had to spend five years after losing your family and friends, your whole _world_ , surrounded by people who all looked down on you and treated you like property. You knew what loneliness was before you came here and you avoid it now like the plague so we both know you hate it. You're _always_ around people who indulge you. Lauren's never had that with the fae: _you_ only have it because _I_ gave you a foot in the door. Trick and Dyson and Hale like you 'cos you're great, yeah, but do you think they would have given you a chance to show them that if not for me? She never had that luck, Kenzi, and that's all it is, luck. You're not better than she is. _I'm_ not better than she is. We're just better _off._ One _week_ of solitary confinement is punishment for convicted criminals. People can go mad from it and Lauren, who did _nothing_ wrong, suffered _five years_ of a glorified prison with no one on her side. That's like a quarter of your life, Kenzi! And then, Dyson and Tamsin and Vex and … and _you_ were there digging away at her some more, as if she hadn't already had more than enough to bear. ... Five years without anyone close to you. And then tell me you wouldn't have taken the chance for some kind of meaningful connection with another person. She didn't know Nadia would ever wake up!"

Kenzi was absolutely still.

Bo had been ranting at high volume but now her voice dropped to a wondering one of stark incomprehension, "You said you got to like her, but then how ... when she's saved your life more than once ... _how_ could you still hold the Vex thing against her now? How can you think two lives were less important than a moment of unhappiness for me? All because ... what ... in the very beginning she was stiff and not _cool_ according to you? I thought I was serious when I said 'style over substance' just now, but _this ..._ "

Kenzi's eyes were screwed tight shut now and Bo took a breath and didn't finish her sentence.

She declared shakily, "Kenzi, you will always be my sister and I love you. And though we're fighting seriously now, we're still family. But I just ... I can't even look at you right now. So I'm going to cool off and then we're continuing this. Don't you dare run away. This is too important. And we're going to face it like we face everything, together."

Bo whirled and slammed out of the house for a good long walk at a fevered pace, wishing that she'd defended Lauren like that a long time ago and feeling like an absolute jerk because she hadn't even seen that she had had to.

Chapter 13

A loop of vine tapped gently at Lauren's throat and she was suddenly very, very alert. That had been deliberate. There was intelligence behind this ... attack? Defence?

The vine stayed where it was and didn't tighten.

"Are you fae?" Lauren asked quietly. "I'm a doctor for the Dark. My name is Lauren Lewis and I am Ward of the Morrigan. I don't wish you harm."

Her bonds loosened a bit.

"It doesn't matter whether you're Dark or Light. Doctors give oaths to do no harm before they _can_ be doctors. If you are injured or ill, I would do my best to help regardless of your affiliation."

Tendrils of vine investigated her pockets and her pack. Lauren was alarmed for a minute but then they withdrew and she relaxed. One of the tendrils held her wallet aloft in the fading light. Another opened it and flicked through its contents, pausing on her ID for a long moment.

With a slight susurration the vines withdrew and Lauren was free. She took two steps and turned to face her erstwhile captor.

"Thank you," she said into the gloaming. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"My name is Kitring," a calm male voice said softly. "I am sorry I frightened you. There were others, in a group. They seemed the aggressive type."

"Kitring?" Lauren carefully pronounced it. "Did they threaten you?"

"No, I observed them from afar. I thought you might be one of them."

"If by 'them' you mean two men and a woman several hours ahead of me then technically I travel with them, but I'm not one of them."

"No, I see that now. Those three are Dark fae?"

"Yes," Lauren said. "I'm glad you stayed out of sight. I don't know these people well. I don't know what they might have done if they'd spotted you."

There had been rustling and, for an instant, the brief tiny saw of a zipper in the shadows but this ceased and then Kitring agilely hunkered down, fully clothed, a non-threatening distance away. There was just enough dim light left for Lauren to make out a forty-ish rugged looking man. "Thank you for stopping me from falling on my face," she added.

"You are tired," he observed.

"Yes, well, it's been long days of walking. "

"The others are too fast for you?"

"Yes," she said shortly.

"Because you are human."

She sighed. "Yes, and I'm not the fittest hill walker amongst humans either."

"Still, it is discourteous of them to leave you behind. And so far behind too. What if you misstepped and turned your ankle?"

"I suppose they'd come back for me if I don't turn up."

"They are accustomed to you being hours behind. By the time they were alarmed by your absence, worse could have befallen you. There are bears. Wolves. It is not safe to walk alone." Kitring's voice was disapproving.

Lauren shrugged. "It's not like I can change their attitude. So long as they don't actively set out to harm me, I can cope. In any event I don't have a choice. The Morrigan chose the team."

"Individuals choose how to conduct themselves," he returned. "What they have been doing is not right."

"Well, complaining would just give them more reason to look down on me. Why don't you, by the way? Most fae do."

"I spend my time with humans," Kitring replied. "I have to hide my nature from them of course, but they form my society nonetheless. Where are all of you going anyway? This is not a route to anywhere of note."

"We're trying to get over that ridge to the next valley," Lauren pointed.

He turned his head to look. "Hmmmm ... the way you're all following was obstructed yesterday by a rockfall. Why do you wish to go there?"

"We have an errand to perform for the Morrigan."

"In the next valley? But there is nothing there."

Lauren shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not supposed to talk to anyone about it," she said at last.

"So you will continue on to your group's camp tonight?"

"Not much choice," Lauren said. "They'll want to know the path is blocked."

"And how will you tell them you know that?" Kitring asked. "You will tell them about me and they will hunt me down, hmmm?"

"I don't know that they will," Lauren said. She didn't want him to feel threatened. There was no telling how long it would be before Mindos ordered a search for her. Lauren didn't know what Kitring might do if he felt she was a danger to him. "And you'd be long gone by the time I find them."

"There is another route into that valley, you know," he said conversationally. "Only I am not interested in associating with those others in your group. They may well attack me once they believe me to be of no use to them. I will not show them the way."

"Does that mean you might show me?" Lauren asked anxiously. The team hadn't been carrying explosives. Clearing a rockfall might take god only knew how long. They might try to find another route with the aerial and satellite photos, but these were now days old and might not reveal other recent obstacles. She couldn't estimate when or even if they'd ever reach their goal.

"It would require that you abandon those three," Kitring pointed out. "And I must ask that you state your errand there. I do not wish to walk into danger unprepared or assist in anything evil."

There wasn't an option so she salved her conscience by telling him they were there to retrieve a long lost fae artefact of historical importance, which was enough of the truth to be fair to him, though it wasn't the whole truth.

"So who has this map you speak of?"

"It doesn't matter, I have a photographic memory," she said. "Once I get into the valley I'll be able to orient myself."

Kitring shrugged. "Then let us leave if you are coming with me. When those three decide to look for you, the first thing they will do is backtrack."

"I don't want them to worry or get in trouble with the Morrigan," Lauren fussed.

" _They_ were willing to let you suffer loneliness and possible danger," Kitring commented. "And you still have to get to that valley. I do not mind which matters more to you, but you have to decide."

She capitulated. "Let's go then. Thank you, by the way. I know I must seem a bit ungracious."

"Not at all. It is understandable. You do not know me and _they_ are bound to protect you while you have only my word that I will respect your status."

True, but even in this short introduction he had been revealed as thoughtful and decent as well as considerate to humans. Lauren trusted him enough to believe he would do her no harm. In fact she already trusted him more after these few minutes than her _soi-disant_ team.

They walked over hard sandy ground and then a rocky place and then for ten minutes up a stream that barely came to her knees, all of which would have thrown both sight and scent trackers off their trail. Lauren spent the night in a hollow on high ground which Kitring blocked with fragrant brush and rocks angled to hide her while still allowing air flow. He gave her nuts and an apple and let her sleep long into the next morning.

When she woke, her temper was much restored by a full sleep and by not being surrounded by a bunch of fae who might at any time say or imply something disparaging about her. The hollow sat above an underground hot spring and the warm ground had helped her aching muscles and dried her boots and socks. Kitring had spent the morning kayaking to his truck and he returned with a sack of Canadian military IMPs and a blanket for her. They ate and then started walking, sharing a bag of raisins as they went, both familiar with the digestive complaints that went with such meals.

By the end of the day, when they reached the edge of the valley, they were already great friends, foregoing all formalities. Kitring made Lauren feel not just safe but comfortable in a way she had experienced with hardly anyone else. Very intelligent herself, she had never as an adult known the relief of being in the company of someone whose calm good sense was unfailing and whose judgement she found to be as sound, probably even sounder, than her own. She liked his slightly unusual way of speech, which borrowed from different eras and milieu but was always straightforward and his measured manner and even temper were soothing. So she thoroughly enjoyed his company and the stories he told of his youthful adventures. In turn she told him her history and how she had ended up as Ward of the Morrigan.

At the end of it he said, "I was not expecting anything like that. You were cruelly used by the Ashes you knew."

Lauren sighed. "Thank you. I so rarely get sympathy. Bo, the unaligned succubus, was the first to offer any in the all the time I was with the Light."

"Unaligned?"

Lauren explained. "She was brought up as a human and didn't know about the fae until she was an adult. At her Choosing she refused to choose Light or Dark."

"I did not know of this," Kitring admitted.

"That's surprising. It caused quite a stir. And then she was designated Champion of the fae against the Garuda and defeated it."

"I heard none of this," Kitring said, "but then I generally have nothing to do with other fae. A Garuda, you say? I believed they were extinct."

"They are now," Lauren told him darkly. "That was the last one. At least it had better be because it also killed the last Naga."

"Tell me," he urged.

So she did. After that there was a little pause. Earlier Kitring had made a small covered fire in a pit while they squabbled familiarly about which IMPs to eat. Now he busied himself burying the coals a few inches under the spot where Lauren had chosen to sleep. Her sleeping bag was with the others and the summer nights were still cool enough that she would be glad to sleep warm again. When he'd finished, she gratefully stretched out there with her borrowed blanket and mused, "I wonder where the others are. They might be on their way to this route."

"Unlikely," Kitring said. "You may have noticed the trees we have walked under. Only one who has been here on the ground would know this way."

So the aerial and satellite photos would not show the route they were taking if the tree canopy obscured it. But they did have an NTS topo map too and she said so.

"I am not concerned. This is not an established path. It should not be marked on a standard map. ... Are you worried they will be a danger to you?"

Lauren squinted in thought. "The moment they get a chance to talk to the Morrigan, they'll probably tell her I did a runner," she said gloomily. ""I can't even imagine what sort of reception I'll have when I get back."

"I can still take you back tomorrow if you regret your choice to leave them," he offered.

Lauren shook her head. "If we go back, chances are they'll come upon us before you can get clear away. I won't lead you to potential danger. Besides we're almost there." She tilted her head at the entrance to the valley they would head for in the morning. "The team will be fine. They'll probably return to Whitehorse if they can't find me or get here."

"Then the solution is simple. We avert the possibility of them enacting some undeserved punishment on you in their anger by not returning to Whitehorse. We will drive to Edmonton and you may call the Morrigan to arrange for protection and transport. If you call her with an update, it will hardly look like you are running, particularly if you have the artefact for her."

"Then," she said grimly, "I really hope we find it."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 14

Bo got back home after a good hour away. They had a conversation to finish now that she was able to temporarily stop beating herself up.

She hadn't meant to sound so furious at Kenzi; it had been her own responsibility to have addressed this a long time ago. But to find out Kenzi's shattering truth after weeks and weeks of blaming herself for such a great deal had been too much for self-governance.

Kenzi had washed her face but it was still a little red and her eyes were bloodshot. Kenzi yelled when she got upset. Bo had only ever seen her cry once, when she'd had to give Nate up, but she had cried now and Bo felt a little bad that her best friend had borne the brunt of her raw emotions. On the other hand, it was a hard lesson that the little goth had had to learn and the shock value contributed to its effectiveness even though Bo hadn't planned any such thing.

They stood looking at each other with matching hangdog expressions.

Bo said tremulously, "Hug?"

Kenzi almost ran into her arms and they hugged silently for a long minute.

Kenzi's words poured out in a panicked stream. "I didn't think about it like that, Bo. I didn't. Of course I didn't want Lauren and Nadia to die. You were right about me taking you for granted. I never thought about their lives being in danger."

Bo held her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Kenzi, even if the penalty was imprisonment or whipping or chopping a hand off or some other thing that wasn't death, it would be just the same. Lauren couldn't know what punishment the Ash might have given her."

Kenzi shuddered, clearly visualising for the very first time the truly sinister unknowns Lauren had had to deal with, and by implication the courage it must have taken to live with those possibilities every day. "I get it, Bo. I wouldn't have wanted anything like that. I didn't think to do a reset after we found out about Nadia."

Bo said gently but firmly, "You are one of the smartest people I know. I rely on that brain of yours all the time. You didn't think of it because you made a snap judgment in the very beginning for no better reason than that you didn't like Lauren's manner. After the Vex thing, that became a fixated grudge for you. Then when you had that truce, you got to like her but in the back of your mind you didn't give up the grudge; you just never talked about it again. You've been thinking less of her than she deserves for all this time for no good reason. But Kenzi … you can't go through life like that. You can't just fix on a first impression and then purposely ignore any facts you see with your own eyes because it doesn't agree with that impression. Think of the kind of work we do."

Kenzi nodded silently.

"Look, it was on me to have picked up on this before. It wouldn't have been so intense then. But you see the bigger point, right? This isn't just about Lauren."

"Yeah," Kenzi was still subdued. "I really get it, Bo."

Bo said, "I know you kept your word about the truce and then some. I know you meant to do right. I should have done better though. I asked you to change your behaviour but I didn't try to persuade you to see things differently so that your feelings would change. I was in the habit of avoiding the really tough stuff and honestly I never really thought it would be necessary because you got to like her all on your own and I thought that was even better. I didn't know until now that all this old stuff was still there but I should have checked in to make sure. So I'm sorry too."

They snuggled together on the couch, needing each other's comfort.

Bo broke the silence thoughtfully. "Y'know, what I said about old loyalties is true too. You gotta wonder about the value of loyalty from someone who'd ditch their old friends just 'cos Bo Dennis swanned into town. I mean, after the Garuda, maybe even earlier, I guess I proved I deserve some support, but way back then when I was new here, that was different. Now I think about it, I was probably a bit of a brat about that. I was caught up in the love, you know. Because I hadn't had any for so long."

Kenzi frowned at her. "You mean you're not mad anymore about D-man keeping your mom a secret? "Cos I still am."

"No, I'm still mad about that," Bo said, "just a bit less mad. He's been loyal to Trick for a long time, Kenz. I'm pretty sure he never meant to have feelings for me. He tried to stop, remember? But I insisted when I needed to heal and it would hardly have been decent of him to just let me die even if I was a complete stranger, and then, well, we can't help what we feel for people. So I reckon it wasn't his fault he got into a difficult position between his old loyalty to Trick and his unintended new loyalty to me. That's why I'm less mad. Trick was the one at fault for insisting on secrecy and not letting Dyson off the hook. But once Dyson knew his loyalties were divided, he shouldn't've just carried on giving me the wrong impression. We can't help how we feel but we can control how we act about it. He could have kept his distance no matter how he felt. Or he could've put his foot down with Trick because it was a stupid thing to keep a secret from me. So he still deserves _some_ mad for that."

She paused. "But I was thinking about Lauren too. I never asked either of them about existing obligations and commitments they already had before I ever turned up. They were adults, working, with responsibilities. I should have expected that they'd have other calls on them. Just because they were both willing to help me when they could didn't mean they _always_ could. They gave me an inch out of generosity, and from that I expected them to owe me a foot and that was wrong. If I had asked and they hadn't told me it woulda been different, but I never asked."

Kenzi seemed to have had enough of this introspection, though, because she went back to the original subject, saying worriedly, "Lauren didn't break up with you because of me, did she?"

Bo shook her head. "Lauren wouldn't have done that, not just because of you. If it was obvious that I never took her side where you were concerned then it would have it made it harder for her to believe I loved her but that's on me, not you. When you got taken by Inari you weren't even there. It was all on me."

"What happened?" Kenzi frowned again, not having heard about this before.

"I said hard things to her when she wouldn't believe me about you not being you. It was dumb to expect Lauren to believe me just because she loved me. She doesn't believe things because she _wants_ to believe them. That's not how it works for adults and she's a scientist too so it's even more true for her. She looks at the evidence. It's how she's so good at her work and able to help us all the time. I got mad at her for being the person she is, the person I claimed to love, because it didn't suit me at the time." Bo looked down and picked at a fingernail. "Afterwards she was even apologetic about not believing me, and I accepted that, as if I was in the right to expect that she should suddenly have become a different person to cater to my every mood. I was a bit unbalanced in temper because of the Dawning but that was hours after we got you back and I was calm by then. So I don't have an excuse for letting her continue to feel apologetic when she'd done nothing wrong. My expectations were unrealistic and stupid. I do love the person she is, scientist and all. I shouldn't have let the situation make me forget that. I was right about you not being you, but that didn't make it right to treat her like that."

She paused. "I was kinda like a kitten, you know. I'd chase one string one day and the next day I'd chase another in a different direction and so what I wanted and needed, what was important to me, changed from one day to the next. It was completely unpredictable because it depended who or what was dangling the string. And then I expected people round me to keep up and got mad when they didn't. I didn't settle into myself or take control of my life, just got led by the nose from one distraction to another. I'm learning not to be like that anymore. I think it's called stability, or growing up."

She gave Kenzi a self-deprecatory half-smile.

"Lauren might have made allowances anyway," Kenzi offered.

Bo sighed. "She did nothing but, Kenz. Too many, ones she needn't have made, and I accepted them as if they were my due. I don't want to be a person anyone has to make allowances for anymore. That's part of growing up too."

"Didja figure out why she dumped you?"

Bo shook her head. "No, but I figured out I deserved it whatever her actual reasons were. It's what started me on trying to be better. I suppose if I ever find out those reasons I'll have even more cause to kick myself."

She told Kenzi about Lise and Kristin and the Long Hard Conversation.

After that there was a long, long silence.

Eventually Kenzi said, "You're doing good now though, Bo. Look at you, facing the hard stuff, thinking things through. You're being brave inside and out. We may have got it wrong a lot but we won't let it go. We'll make it right."

Chapter 15

In the light of day Kitring had laugh lines around his eyes and mobile mouth and his expression in repose was approachable and kindly. He wasn't handsome in any traditional sense but it was still a face that you could look at for a long time. Lauren was looking at it now. It hadn't been even an hour into the next morning's walking when they arrived at the spot marked by the cross on the map. It was a rocky unremarkable locale. Lauren had stared round, feeling a bit let down and then turned to him to see if his better knowledge of the area might give rise to a helpful suggestion.

He was quartering the area with his eyes and she followed his example.

After several minutes, she said, "It could be anywhere. Buried, or behind any of a thousand rocks. I wish we had a metal detector."

"We might. What is this artefact made of?"

"Iron," Lauren said.

"How _much_ iron?"

"It's a ring meant to be worn around the neck. It's supposed to be all iron."

"Hmmmm. So we would be looking for a small amount only, not a quantity that mining surveys would be interested in….. All right. Please take several steps away from me, turn your back and count out three minutes."

Lauren did this unquestioningly. From behind her came the rustle of clothing and then a bit of creaking and then silence. When the three minutes were up she turned around. A massive tree fern was just standing there primly, looking a bit out of place, with Kitring's clothes at its base. She was almost overcome with delight.

It was bad manners, if not outright criminal molestation, to just go up and touch him without permission so she sat firmly on her hands and contented herself with a visual examination. She would have to look up which species he most resembled but she remembered the creepers that had caught her before. Clearly like all fae who metamorphosed, he didn't just become a mere facsimile of an existing species of plant or creature. His roots must be extending into the area to investigate the elements in the soil. An hour passed, during which Lauren found a comfortable place to sit and fell into a light doze.

When Kitring called her name, she blinked herself awake to see him once more in human form and dressed.

"Did you find anything?"

He nodded. "There are traces of iron in the ground over there." He pointed.

Lauren squinted. "Does that mean the torc's under the earth?"

"Not necessarily. Rainwater might carry trace particles of it into the earth. But at least now we have a spot on which to concentrate."

They were already headed to it. Kitring with his fae strength moved boulders while Lauren looked under and behind them.

"Wait!" she called out. "Can you hold that rock a while longer? I see something."

"Yes," he said calmly, "but my strength is not inexhaustible. Be efficient."

"Being," Lauren replied. She stretched a hand deep into the hollow. She felt leather, carefully got purchase on it and pulled gently and smoothly. There was a little initial resistance and then it came loose from its resting place. She pulled it all the way out and called, "OK, clear."

Kitring set the rock back in place and crouched beside her. Taking a deep breath, Lauren carefully drew back one fold of leather after another. Then she stopped.

A perfectly plain and ordinary iron ring about a handspan in diameter was lying there, looking innocuous.

"We have it!" she crowed.

"It appears we do. And I suggest we leave. Let us not risk a confrontation if the rest of your team somehow make it here. But first, put on the artefact."

Lauren stared at him. "What?"

"Put it on," he repeated. "It will be harder for anyone to wrest it from you. They would have to harm you to do it and the fae are bound to protect you."

"But ..." Lauren said, "I'm human. We could try it on you."

"You're the one who has to return to the Morrigan with it, not I."

Lauren contemplated it quickly. The others might arrive any minute. It was a long way to Edmonton and a skilled thief could abstract it from her pack if she kept it there. It was too big to put in a pocket. And there were no stories about the torc harming its wearer.

"All right," she said, "but you might have to take it off if I go nuts or something."

"I shall," he promised.

She reached out and touched the iron ring.

It felt …. friendly.

 _Lauren, you are anthropomorphizing like an adolescent idiot. Metal does not feel anything._

She tried hanging it from on her wrist like a big bracelet.

Nothing happened.

In a final burst of boldness, she put the torc around her neck, fastening the simple hook catch.

It gave a definite little click and she felt a pleasant warm wave pass through her. The torc felt ... friendlier. She refused to say that out loud, though. It seemed like the veriest foolishness.

"Well," Kitring said after a minute, "it seems like it does no harm at least."

Lauren nodded. "I feel all right."

"Perhaps you should make sure it stays hidden," Kitring suggested.

Lauren buttoned her shirt right up to the neck.

"Good," Kitring said. "Shall we go?"

"We shall."

And they suited deed to word and cleared out of the valley without further ado.

* * *

A/N: To the reviewers, thank you all. After the pucker factor of the summary and initial warnings, I think I should feel very fortunate (and surprised!), that this story has _any_ readership at all! That you should expend your time and thoughtfulness on it, whether you agree with what's said or not, is an unlooked for grace for which I am very gratified. This is a story on its own terms and it's already pretty much finished (although other authors may well agree when I say that editing is a bitch!) so it can't be materially changed even if I were skilful enough to write to order, which I'm not. Instead I'll avoid spoilers by reserving anything substantial for an author's note at the end - if one is needed: possibly by then those of you with concerns may find that some of them have been addressed.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 16

It had been an interminable day. Lauren and Kitring had decided to slog all the way back. By the time they got to his kayak, darkness was falling. Kitring had paddled them both to his truck through the long twilight and the onset of night. He'd only the one paddle and Lauren was exhausted anyway and ended up dozing on the water. When he woke her at the landing stage, she helped him pick up the kayak. Once it and their gear had been stowed, they climbed into the truck and slept in their seats.

In the morning, they started driving towards Edmonton, knowing they had to break for an early night and proper beds after the strain of the previous day. Lauren put on her sunglasses and a hat borrowed from Kitring to obscure her face and hair. He got them a take away breakfast at the first opportunity and the food and coffee revived her.

"Kitring, I haven't asked because you haven't volunteered it but sooner or later I'm going to have to know if you're Dark or Light if I'm to plan appropriately," she ventured.

"Actually I have not declared an affiliation."

"You're unaligned?" She was startled. "Like Bo?"

"The succubus? Not quite. She was asked to choose and declared that she chose neither side. I have not had occasion to declare anything."

"How is that?" Lauren asked, astonished.

"When the fae war occurred I was being ... herbaceous ... in Papua New Guinea and knew nothing of it."

They both grinned at the term.

"I was there for a good long while because I was in a growing phase and needed to feed a lot in peace. By the time I moved on, the war was over. I only came to know about it and the Blood Laws because I overheard some fae in discussion somewhere in Asia years later: remember that travel used to be slow and difficult and so was the spreading of news. Also, I wasn't on the lookout for tidings of the fae. I had found by then that outside my family, other fae could be ... aggravating."

Lauren smiled.

"Now, I was brought up with the one fundamental rule of self-preservation: to keep knowledge of the fae from humans. It wasn't a law then, but for obvious reasons, I have always observed it. The rest of the Blood Laws, however, made no sense to me. I was used to being a solitary fae among humans by then and I saw no reason to change that. Over time, on the rare occasions that I came unavoidably into contact with other fae and was recognized as such, I always kept the contact brief. They all assumed I was of their affiliation if I was not hostile and I never corrected them."

"I'm the last person who's going to judge you for not making a selection," Lauren said. "It just means that we plan to avoid you coming into contact with other fae."

"Thank you, but that is not a serious concern. I am not hiding from other fae so much as avoiding the annoyance they can cause because I've never had a reason to put up with it. I shall deal with it if I must. We can plan for me to avoid them in the first instance but we need not be desperate about it. Still, as a matter of curiosity and possibly of preparation, what can you tell me of this succubus's Choosing?"

"I wasn't there," Lauren admitted. "They hold them at an abandoned glass factory that is neutral ground. She was made to fight two underfae to the death. A Troll and a Pain Eater. So the first one was a purely physical combat and the second was a battle of the mind."

"Barbarous," Kitring muttered, looking repulsed.

"Yes, it is. Two beings died just for an individual fae to choose a side," Lauren agreed.

He mulled over this for several minutes. At length he said lightly, changing the subject, "So, this succubus, Bo ... you said before that she was sympathetic to you. She is a friend?"

"Yes, we were close," she said.

Her suddenly guarded tone made Kitring cast her a quick glance before he turned his attention back to the road. "I do not pry, Lauren. All I will say is that if you wish to speak of it, I will listen and I have no one to tell even if I were so inclined, which I am not."

"We were very close," Lauren admitted. It did feel good to tell someone.

"And now?"

"Now I'm with the Dark and Bo can't get to me," she said tonelessly.

Kitring gave her another quick keen look but only said non-committally, "It is hard to lose a friendship to external forces when both parties want it to continue."

"Actually, before I left the Light I broke up with her." Lauren had decided to bite the bullet. She had thought about the break up so much that she felt muddled now. Maybe talking to someone else who was distanced from it might help and Kitring was a strict and rigorous thinker. With any luck he'd catechise her about it until she was able to think clearly again. She probably wouldn't feel less miserable but if she was going to be miserable anyway it was much, much better that it be for the right reasons than the wrong ones.

"Aren't you still friends?"

"I'm not sure any more." And she wasn't, not after Taft's.

He just nodded.

"Have you been in love before, Kitring?"

"Oh yes, two or three times," he answered readily.

"With any humans, I meant," she clarified.

"They were all human."

"But then ... what did you do?"

He gave a wistful sigh. "I could not live with them and hide my nature, Lauren. The first one was long ago in Western Europe when for humans love outside marriage was frowned upon. I could not offer marriage so I did nothing and I left. The second time was with someone in an arranged marriage. It was easier for me to conceal that I was fae because we were together only for short periods of time at a stretch. It continued for years until she started to show her age and I did not, so I had to leave. The third one was more recent, about twenty years ago. I said that I could offer nothing but an open relationship, which was the truth. It ended after a couple of years when that ceased to suffice her."

He paused. "Do you ask because your being human was an issue?"

"Not to us. Or I thought not at the time. It mattered to everyone else and nearly everyone else was fae."

"Ah yes," he nodded. "The disadvantages of living amongst fae. So it was not the reason you broke up?"

"No ... I wasn't whole," Lauren confessed. "It's only now, months after leaving the Light and forging a relatively safe place for myself, that I'm starting to feel confident again in other respects than the professional."

He nodded slowly. "Indeed. I see how that might be. Being rendered powerless can only be addressed by taking some back yourself; being given it is not much good."

She breathed a sigh. "Oh, you _do_ understand. It's a relief in itself to have that."

"And Bo played no part in your decision?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because," he said as if it were obvious, "you started up in the first place, when you were also not whole. Something else must have happened."

And in fact it _was_ obvious. Lauren gave a brief mordant chuckle at herself. "Sorry, you're right of course. It's just everyone else was all too ready to say from the start that her being a succubus and me being human was a recipe for an unsuccessful relationship. I get defensive. She paused. "They all thought her need to feed would make our relationship impossible, but in the end it had little to do with why I couldn't stay.""

"It would have to be a relationship different from the usual in terms of sexual fidelity, I suppose," he said pensively. "But then I know hardly anything about succubi, only what I was taught: that they supposedly feed on the chi of those they have sex with ... which has always seemed an odd sort of survival trait to me."

"How so?" Lauren's interest was sparked.

"Chi is simply life force. I do not see how it can differ materially when one is sexually aroused and when one is not. Furthermore requiring such specialised food in such specialised circumstances does not seem to promote the likelihood of species survival. It is not as if succubi are stuck in a particular ecosystem where that kind of specialisation might be necessary. They may go everywhere."

He was absolutely right, Lauren thought with a jolt. How had she never considered this? She filed it away for further cogitation because Kitring was reverting to the original subject.

"So how much does she need?"

No one had ever asked that before, not for specifics. "I'm afraid that's a confidential matter," she said. "I should have told you she was also my patient."

"I only meant to ask if she needed so much that even one fae could not suffice her," he said mildly. "You don't have to tell me the answer, but if it is yes, then your being human should not have been an issue to anyone. Remember that many fae also work and shop and do household chores. They have to feed and they have agendas to fulfill. They need to reserve some of their energy for other things than a succubus partner. If she needs more than they can spare, a commitment with her would have to be tailored to fit even if the partner were fae. You do realise that open relationships can be very variable in terms of the feelings involved?"

"A valid point, but that wasn't really the problem. It was hard to have equality in the relationship."

"Which means ... what exactly?"

Ah, the catechism was beginning. Good. "I didn't have freedom of movement or of association. I still don't with the Dark. Back then it meant sneaking around. It meant possible death for me if we were caught. It meant that if we were at my place when we had an argument she could up and leave and I couldn't follow wherever she went, whereas there was really nowhere I could go to be alone when I needed space if she were determined to find me. That was ... disempowering. It's not so much that I wanted to drop out of the contact, because up until the end, I didn't. But the fact that I _couldn't_ even if I did want to cast a shadow over me. I just didn't realize going into it that it would be a consideration because I'd got so used to not being free. I thought I'd already plumbed the depths of what that meant and I was wrong."

"You felt as powerless in the relationship as you did about the rest of your circumstances?"

She nodded.

"Well, I do believe you felt that way and I can completely understand why but it does not sound like it precipitated the break up. You speak more as if it were the background for whatever might have triggered the final decision."

"Bo's at a different stage in life from me. It just all came to a head one day."

Kitring said nothing but he looked faintly exasperated. Which she deserved. She was exasperated with herself. If she wasn't going to give him an answer she should have said so at once. He wouldn't have been offended. She'd wanted this whole conversation in the first place, so it was ridiculous to be evasive. Her mind just seemed to do that now whenever she had to talk about something that hurt, like a mental reflex, a bad one. It made her anything but straightforward in speech.

"The human ideals Bo grew up with told her she wanted a longterm monogamous relationship. But she only found out she was succubus a few years ago and she's never reconciled the two. This should be a time for her to fully realise what it means to be her and I think her subconscious wanted and needed that. Also, she is an important person among the fae and the work she does helps a lot of people. And she had her Dawning. So she had a lot going on."

Kitring said evenly, "That is not an answer to my question. You are putting up a case for her before you even tell me why one is needed. Also, you are being mealy-mouthed. I do not like to have to guess at your meaning. "

Dammit, she was. No wonder she was confused. Lauren muttered, "Sorry, it's become a bad habit."

"You must have a reason for it," he said equably. "I am not asking you to apologise or change, only not to do it _now_. You are trying to explain something. The habit is working against you, not for you."

Lauren's jaw tensed with the effort of saying it. "She didn't really love me. She may have believed she did, but she didn't."

"Do you ... care to tell me the basis of this conclusion?" he asked with the air of treading lightly on dangerous ground.

"It became obvious I wasn't important to her other than for scientific and medical help and for sex." Lauren said tightly. "She spent little time with me otherwise even when our constraints allowed it, and she dismissed every single substantial request I made of her from the very first to the very end because I was never enough of a factor for her to modify her conduct. It was also evident that she cares, in a romantic way, for at least one, maybe two, other people we both knew and saw on a daily basis. And ..." her voice faltered, "... there were times when I felt that I - my very life, even - could not reliably be weighed in the balance against her immediate concerns."

Kitring said nothing immediately as he absorbed this.

"I wouldn't have accepted the other people from a human. I thought I had to make allowances because of her fae nature ..." Lauren trailed off.

He frowned a little in thought. "Being a succubus would affect her biological requirements - did it affect her feelings as well?"

"I didn't think so to begin with. But now ...," she heaved a sigh, "now I'm not so certain."

He said nothing.

"She ... she's also young," Lauren added weakly.

"Hmm ... I am not sure I perfectly understand the nature of your commitment. Obviously it could not involve sexual monogamy, at least on her part. What was her promise to you?"

"I'm really not sure anymore. She _said_ she loved me. I suppose at the least it had to be that. So when I thought she really didn't ... "

He frowned again. "Yes, you said you left because you believed she did not. It was not also because you thought she loved these others?"

Lauren thought about that. "I suppose," she said slowly. "I looked on the others as part of the evidence that she didn't love me."

"In polyamorous unions people love more than one other," Kitring said, refusing like any good teacher to let her get away with less than sound reasoning. "It is not an impossible concept."

There was a silence while Lauren thought harder.

"You're right," she said finally. "The fact that she might have loved others didn't mean that she didn't love me. I misled myself but now I've worked it out. If we were to have a relationship, I wanted it to mean we loved each other exclusively. It wasn't acceptable to me that she had feelings for anyone else. So if that is her nature, she's entitled to be that way and I wouldn't hold it against her but I couldn't have a relationship with her. I ... I had so little in my life that was my own..."

"There is no need to justify this need. Many people in more fortunate circumstances have it," he pointed out. "So now it is clear. Her promise was to love you. You are not certain if it also encompassed loving only you but it is what you require nonetheless. Therefore if she loved others too, you would also have left eventually, if not because she broke her commitment then because what it turned out to be was not what you needed it to be. But in reality you left because you believed that the love for you wasn't there in the first place, whatever she may or may not have felt for anyone else."

"Yes, that's exactly right," Lauren said with relief.

"Because you had those other reasons for that belief, reasons not involving the others, which indicated to you that she did not value you as a loved one should be valued?"

"Yes."

"And the fact that you did not feel whole made you less able to deal with the situation."

She nodded. "I was hurt and indignant and feeling fractured, but mostly I had become despairing and angry, with everyone and everything. It didn't feel right and I didn't like it because I'm not a naturally angry person. It made me a little afraid of myself, afraid that I was furious enough to be unjust, and I didn't want to take it all out on Bo just because she was a convenient target when she didn't deserve a large part of it. If we'd started arguing about the situation that's what would have happened. I wouldn't have been able to differentiate the frustration I felt about her from the rest. In my head, yes, but not in my heart. I wasn't even sure I was all that stable anymore: I might have blown up unrestrainedly, like a demented hag, and then she and I would both have hated me for it afterwards. I was so tired too. Tired of everything. Tired from holding everything in. Tired of having to. I couldn't, I just _couldn't_ , stand the prospect of an argument. And what was I to say anyway? Point out everything she did that I was unhappy with like ... like some sort of _shrew_? I never... I never thought that as an adult I should ever have to have a conversation like that, to have to enumerate things that seemed so obviously callous and disrespectful to me. In the end I broke us up without a real explanation and let her believe it was all on me. And now I feel bad about that too."

He nodded, divining that this had turned into a venting moment and called for nothing further from him.

Silence prevailed for a little while.

He resumed the conversation with level calm. "Lauren, those other reasons you had ... no one likes to have their wishes thwarted. When it happens regularly by the same person, they are bound to think it reflects how that person feels for them. And if Bo did indeed put your life at risk for the sake of something or someone else ... well, that is the literal opposite of holding you dear, isn't it?"

It was, of course.

"Normally one would think the two were mutually exclusive ... but exceptionally ..." he paused. "Is it possible that she had no choice?"

"She took my chi to save a friend," Lauren explained. "Without asking. She's killed humans before, taking their chi. She learned control but I don't think she was in control on that occasion. She'd just come out of her Dawning. If she had asked, I might have consented - at least I would've been prepared - but she didn't. I tell myself she might not have been conscious of what she was doing at the time, so she can't really be held responsible, but when I wanted to speak to her about it, she had other things to do so we never did discuss it. I still don't know the truth." But the way Bo had looked at Dyson after that, when she _had_ been conscious of what she was doing, knowing Lauren herself was right there watching ... and then providing no apology, no reassurance to Lauren afterwards ... as if Lauren's already reluctant acceptance of a succubus's need to feed meant somehow that she must accept anything else, everything else ... Her throat tightened.

"I don't know if the things you believe are correct," Kitring said, "but I can see why you believed them and I imagine no one would wish to stay in a relationship if they thought the foundation for it were absent."

In other words, Lauren thought dismally, she hadn't been irrational despite her emotional state at the time. Her mind was clear now, but as expected she wasn't feeling any less wretched. The memories were making it hard to hold on to her self-control.

"I am sorry you went through all of that when your circumstances were already so difficult," he said very gently.

It disarmed her as nothing else could have. Mere partisan sympathy, however welcome it might be to other people, was something Lauren could do without. Self-sufficient for so long, she had never wanted cosseting. But Kitring wasn't trotting out blindly supportive platitudes just to make comforting sounds. In fact all he was doing was confirming that what she was feeling was reasonable for someone in her place who knew what she knew, who believed as she did. But this unsentimental, reserved yet true appreciation of her position was a validation she hadn't known she needed, and needed so badly, from a person with no axe to grind, a person of unimpeachable rationality, most of all a person of decency she liked and respected.

The dam she had built as reinforcement for her defensive stoicism in the face of opposition cracked under the weight of genuine understanding. Then in the silence between them, it crumbled bit by bit and faster and faster until it gave way completely and she finally broke down and wept for all her sorrows.

She cried for poor Nadia's undeservedly meaningless death. She cried for the loss of her family and friends, and for the family of her own she would never have. She cried for the life she might have lived, for the bleakness of her future and the pit of despair she had fallen into when she'd realized the hope that had revived in her by having Bo was so terribly false because she'd never actually had her. And then for good measure, she cried some more just because she needed to.

Undismayed, as if he had experienced a whole train of younger sisters who habitually cried in his presence, Kitring helpfully dumped a box of tissues in her lap and did not coddle her. His refusal to pity her or treat her like a broken helpless thing just because she was crying her heart out allowed her her dignity and made his possibly the only company a person of her independence could have found acceptable while in this state.

At the end of it, when she snuffled into silence, she felt lighter, even renewed.

"I guess," she hiccupped at last, "that was a long time coming."

Thankfully, he didn't say anything trite or magnify any awkwardness she might already be feeling. He just grunted an approving sort of acknowledgement and matter-of-factly said, "We should get lunch soon."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 17

In the afternoon they got a room in a motel and while settling in, Kitring asked idly, "How does that iron ring feel? Not too uncomfortable?"

"It's fine," Lauren said. "I've got used to it. You want the shower first?"

He shook his head and she went in, only to re-emerge a couple of minutes later.

"It won't come off," she said, perturbed.

Kitring looked up quickly and came over.

The torc was open at the back, across which stretched a simple hook arrangement. It had fastened easily yesterday but now the hook wouldn't come out. In the bathroom, after the first attempt, she had turned it so the hook was in front of her and then looked in the bathroom mirror as she tried again to unhook it. No joy. It remained firmly in place as if welded.

Now she asked Kitring to try.

"Hmph."

"What?" she asked.

"It zapped me."

" _What_?"

"Not strongly, but like a warning, quick and sharp. I don't think it wants to come off."

"It's an inanimate object," Lauren objected. "It doesn't have wants."

"Well, it seems unusually purposeful for an inanimate object." Kitring shook out his fingers.

Lauren was worried. He might be in danger just from being with her now. She vacillated a bit because it went so against the grain to break a confidence, but in the end, she told him everything Evony had said about Rangumen's Torc.

"If you like, I will look at it more closely. I have a magnifier on my Swiss army knife," he offered.

"I don't think that will help," Lauren said, frowning. "There's no markings on it. I turned it all the way round slowly just now while I was looking in the mirror and there aren't any irregularities. I don't think we'll find a tiny little secret button concealed anywhere that will spring the catch. You can see it's just a hook anyway. It doesn't need a spring or any other release mechanism."

They pondered this for a while. At length Lauren suggested, "Could you try to cut my finger? Just a little."

He began to chuckle. "So that the torc will do god knows what to me? No, thank you very much!"

"All we know is that it won't come off and it gave you a zap when you were trying to remove it. Its protective qualities might be apocryphal."

"And they might not," Kitring's amusement seemed to be growing. "Besides I don't _wish_ to try and hurt you. Not very backward in suggesting me as a guinea pig, are you?"

"Of course I don't want _you_ to be hurt either. I didn't mean you should try anything _lethal_ ," she said. "Just something like a paper cut."

"How do you know it recognises the principle of a proportional response?" he argued back, grinning outright.

Lauren sulked momentarily because he had made a valid point she wished _she'd_ thought of. She'd had to get used to being ignored or overriden by fae in general and that was frustrating, but she really disliked being out-argued and she detested being wrong though she was not slow to recognize it when she was: she might have few material hankerings but she wasn't immune from intellectual envy and competitiveness. It was in part what had always driven her to be the best in her fields of endeavour. But she was also essentially good-tempered and when Kitring only laughed at her some more, she had to smile at her own foibles as well.

"All right." she chuckled. " _I'll_ try."

She dug out a scalpel, antiseptic, gauze and a band aid.

"Here goes," she announced, and cut.

Nothing happened. The sterilised tempered blade just slid across the pad of her finger and left no mark behind.

Lauren took a breath and tried again, pressing harder. Still nothing. In her mind the torc gave off the merest suspicion of a giggle.

Kitring had seen her fingernail whiten on the spine of the scalpel as she applied pressure to the blade.

"Well, so it is not a myth after all," he said. "I wonder how Rangumen took it off to give to his daughter, and how she took it off to send to the historian."

"I'm getting the odd hint of sentiment from it here and there," Lauren told him, feeling a bit foolish about it, "but it doesn't seem to have real communication abilities."

"Hmmm ... you think it might have some sort of intelligence."

She nodded her agreement. "Or maybe some kind of programming, but that begs the question of what it's programmed _for_. And why. And it's very old so even the thought of programming seems a bit outlandish."

"Well, we have no material to help us speculate further and we are both tired, so I am going to get dinner for us. Perhaps something will occur to one of us tomorrow, when we are fresher."

...

"We'll be arriving in Edmonton in an hour or so," Kitring remarked. They had both slept well and had hot and thorough showers and a proper breakfast and lunch. Lauren was still feeling the effects of the last few days but she knew they would dissipate after a few days of normality. Neither of them had come up with any ideas about the torc but since they really had nothing to go on, it wasn't surprising.

She spoke slowly as she nutted out a plan. "If my name just appears on a flight manifest, the Morrigan will phone whatever goons she's got in Edmonton. I doubt that they'll be pleasant company and hardly safe for you if they think you're abetting me in running from her."

"Are you not planning on calling ahead?"

"Yes, but she still needs to see for herself that the torc won't come off and it's not for want of trying. I can't have her thinking I'm not willing to hand it over. She might not be able to hurt me anymore but she might hurt others if she gets angry."

Lauren had charged her phone in the motel room last night but she hadn't turned it on because the Dark could use it to locate her. Kitring had turned his on though, and she borrowed it.

Five minutes of poking at the screen later, she reported, "There's a flight to Toronto from Edmonton in three hours with seats still available. I'll buy in at the last minute and call Evony just before I go through to the gate so she won't have time to get anyone there as escort. I'll ask to her to collect me personally."

Kitring nodded. "We shall make sure we have a way to stay in contact.

Lauren was comforted by this. She wasn't looking forward to saying goodbye.

"After all," he went on cheerfully. "This is the most interesting thing that has happened to me in years. I don't wish to lose track of what happens. And of what _Evony_ does."

Lauren hadn't missed his sardonic emphasis on the Morrigan's name, which was as good as a question. "I've blocked her from using her fae powers," she said rapidly. "But no one knows. Almost no one. She still has political authority so I've still had to be careful, but she needs me to find a way to remove the block. This is why I wasn't too afraid of her personally even before the torc. We even have a weird sort of not-quite friendship thing going."

Kitring took a second to digest this and then guffawed. "You rendered the leader of the Dark impotent?"

"She wasn't pleased," Lauren admitted with masterful understatement, "and I only told you because you don't want anything to do with the fae so you won't do anything about it."

"That's right enough," he said. "Go on, tell me how you did it."

"You remember what I told you about Taft's lab?"

He nodded.

"Well, after the Dark picked me up and the Morrigan put me to work, I didn't feel like my safety was guaranteed. She might have changed her mind at any time about me, especially if she could replace me. The fae live so long that eventually any of them with the inclination can be good scientists and good doctors. I'm actually surprised there aren't more."

"I'm not," Kitring said. When she looked at him for an explanation, he went on, "Think of cameras, information technology, the proliferation of genealogy enthusiasts: it's getting harder for fae to hide our long lives. Training to be a scientist and a doctor today means photos for IDs and yearbooks. It may mean DNA records. There can't be enough fae to insert into human records institutions in _every_ country in the world, big or small, so there are probably only a few safe paths for fae through the higher education systems in certain countries. Post-graduate training in fae science and medicine would have to be fulltime among the fae so you'd have to disappear from the human world. To avoid having human friends from school who might look for you, the years of tertiary education would have to be years of self-imposed reserve from the humans all around. And don't forget having to hide one's feeding. It would be very solitary and hard, Lauren. Not many would volunteer for that and I expect it would be impossible for quite a few depending on their appearance and how they feed."

Lauren looked at him, enlightened. "Yes, I see that now. But the older fae ..."

He nodded, "Before this modern age, the world's population used to be much smaller. People lived closer together and were much more entwined in each other's lives. Friends and family knew everything about you and your daily habits. It was common in many places for bedrooms, even beds, to be shared and not just by lovers. So although there was less to hide _from_ , it was actually harder to hide."

Lauren was thoroughly drawn in.

Kitring shook his head regretfully. "Fae also tend to be immersed in other agendas, political or social campaigns within the fae world that I do not care to understand. Many wouldn't be interested in higher studies. Of those that are, some will be average and some will be good, yes, but there might not be enough of them for the statistical likelihood of a genius emerging. The fae population cannot be that large to begin with. Consider a typical ecological pyramid."

"Of course. Prey always outnumber predators considerably. Not all fae feed on humans but you're thinking that enough do to constitute all of you as a class our predators. So there should be several times as many humans as there are fae."

He nodded. "It's all very embarrassing when you consider our long lives, as you say. The attitude of superiority affected by so many is usually unjustified when you look at the contribution they make to the world. And having to hide from humans everywhere? That's an oppression and no mistake. Many more fae might be able and willing to go for higher education if not for that constraint. Sometimes I wonder why the fae establishment insists on staying a secret in this day and age when it is obvious that cooperating would offer advantages to all."

Lauren considered how as a fae alone in the human world, he had no chance of a real relationship, his situation a counterpoint to hers, and then let that whole line of thought trickle into her subconscious. Aloud she asked, "What education have _you_ had?"

"In my early years my family taught me Latin and Chinese and what was then the Norman language. Then they trained me in logic, on the principle that with language and logic one can learn anything. After that I had to learn about all things fae. It was a lot of studying. When my parents were last active in the world, about the only universities that existed were Oxford and Cambridge and a few in Europe. My mother advised me to attend one when I left home, which is why I eventually headed towards Europe rather than stay in Asia. When I ended up in England, I felt like staying put for a while. At the time, everything was taught in Latin and the upper classes still used Norman French, but you needed the local Anglo-Saxon vernacular to get about as an ordinary person and its use was spreading. So that was how I started using what was to become English and then it spread all round the world so I was glad to have learned it. Anyway, they let me into Oxford after I'd passed all the right tests."

"Wow," Lauren breathed.

"Yes, for me it was wonderful," he acknowledged. "But that experience is how I know that human friends try to keep track of you afterwards. And we have digressed considerably."

"Sorry," Lauren said. "It's just so interesting hearing your perspective. I tend to be immersed in theory and applied science so it's refreshing."

"Well, you were telling me how you applied your science to the Morrigan ..."

"Oh yes. Well, as I said, I didn't know about the educational difficulties. I believed that Evony would sooner or later find people who would make me replaceable and once she did, she would revoke the special dispensation and suck me dry of Light confidential information. Then I would be dead and she would go after the Light."

"And Bo as well?"

She shook her head. "I don't have secrets about Bo that Evony would need to go after her. She'd have done that anytime she wanted to; having me around wouldn't have made a difference. But yes, I did what I did out of concern for myself, Bo, and also those who would have been her victims in a moment of careless rage. I don't really think that way about Evony anymore, by the way, but that's another story... Anyway, after Taft, the whole turning humans fae question was on her mind and of course turning fae human was a natural extension of that. Taft did get there and he was bad enough; can you imagine the _Morrigan_ having that knowledge? Or the Ash?"

"I don't want to," Kitring said frankly, turning into the airport lane.

"Mmmm ... So I wasn't going to work on _that_ in the Dark facility. I mean, I could hardly put anything related to it on the Dark computer network where they could access it or anyone might hack into it. Besides there were only a very limited number of ways I could introduce anything into her system. She wasn't going to sit still for an injection or a surgical procedure, and that's what Taft's method required. In the end, I introduced something into her wine that caused the development of an impermeable layer over her extremities. Impermeable to her fae power, that is. So she's still fae, she just can't melt people as she used to do. I was also thinking that it would have been a sort of murder to have turned her human and taken so much of her life away ... like ... like ... well, it would be like deliberately infecting someone with HIV. You don't kill them right away but you certainly shorten their life expectancy and make it a lot easier for something else to kill them. In fact that _is_ first degree murder here in Canada. If she'd become human the other fae would have turned on her and she'd have been dead very quickly and then who knows who would be the next Morrigan and how they would treat me? So even if I had been acting out of pure self-interest with no ethics involved, it wouldn't have been the smart thing to do. If it had even been feasible under the conditions I was living in, that is. But I was glad not to have to really harm her. I just wanted her claws sheathed."

Kitring nodded in approval. "You said almost no one knows. Who does?" He reached for a parking ticket.

Lauren grinned. "Vex. He's a Dark Mesmer and fought with us against the Garuda. Vex is ... a bit of a character. He and Evony have a love-hate relationship and they can really get on each other's nerves. Evony lost her temper at him one day and forgot she no longer had the use of her powers. She tried to melt him in her apartment and of course nothing happened. She didn't call security because she didn't want anyone else to know but she called me, although what she thought _I_ could add to the situation I can't imagine. When I got there, Vex was laughing so hard he was crying and Evony was fuming." She grinned even wider at the memory and Kitring smiled as he parked the truck.

While she bought her ticket he entered his number into her phone contact list under the name 'Bryce Kettering', possibly the name he used for bank accounts and official records or possibly a complete red herring. Lauren didn't have to be told that if he received a call from her number and was addressed by that name, even if the caller was herself, he would know to be cautious.

She said, "Well, this is it. I'll have to call Evony immediately and then get on the flight."

"I'll stay until you go through the gate."

He stood with his head against hers to listen in as she called Evony.

"You'd better have a good explanation," was Evony's cross greeting, but Lauren could detect an undertone of relief.

"I didn't run away if that's what Mindos told you," Lauren said.

"I didn't think so. You were in a low population zone with a rucksack full of hiking crap. Not the best opportunity. But you _have_ been out of touch."

"I've got the torc. I'm on the next flight to Toronto arriving in four hours. Here's the flight number." She let Evony take it down. "Evony, will you come and collect me yourself? I have a lot to tell you. There's a problem with the torc and you need to see it personally to understand fully."

"What problem?" Evony said at once, ignoring her last words.

"I'll explain everything when I see you. My flight's boarding now and if I don't go I'll miss it. See you in a few hours." Lauren hung up hastily and switched off her phone.

Kitring drew back to give her an encouraging smile. They hugged. Lauren cried a little. She would miss him but at least it wasn't goodbye forever.

"I might only be able to look at your text messages at night," she sniffled, "and my phone might be monitored. I wish we'd had time to stop and buy another. Oh wait ...!" The sniffles stopped.

He nodded. "Indeed. You see that you can do that now, in Toronto. The torc changes things for you. Radically, if you will but allow it. I understand that you worry about the Morrigan threatening others to keep you obedient, but if you bow to that pressure for every single thing you will be a slave to ransom for the rest of your life."

"I know." She wiped her nose.

"If it protects you from all harm, have you considered that you may not just be protected from direct physical attacks? You might also be immune from any fae's supernatural effects on you if it is the biological precursor to you being their prey, whatever their actual intent."

The last of Lauren's tears dried as if by magic as her intellectual interest burst into activity. She stared at him. "I hadn't got there yet. I've been mainly thinking only about the direct attacks. But you're right that it's a definite possibility of course. Again. How do you _do_ that?"

"It is a gift not given to many," he said grandly, so that she would smile again. She did.

Last call for boarding sounded.

"You must go. Do not be sad, Lauren. We shall not be strangers. And as for your recovery, I know you still have some way to go with it, but _festina lente_ hmmm? Make it proper and complete."

"I'll do that. You've been wonderful and I'll always be grateful. Stay well, OK?"

His smile and wave as she went through the gate were what she carried in her heart as support for the uncertain future. Her mind, though, was occupied with his last soft words.

"The fae may still have their powers but if I'm right, they will no longer have an unnatural advantage over you. The playing field would then be level for you, Lauren, against anyone."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 18

"Evony, why did you send me to the Yukon?"

Lauren had told her the whole story in the car from the airport, letting her believe that Kitring had been a human hiker from the vicinity who had come upon her while she was resting on the trail, shown her the way to the valley and then departed.

On their arrival at the Dark compound, Evony had ordered a troll-like creature to unhook the torc without hurting Lauren. It had laid one stony finger on the iron ring, grunted at being zapped, persisted and then had been pitched like a cannonball straight into the nearest corner with so much force that bits of its granite epidermis had fallen off.

Now, freshly showered, Lauren was sitting down to a late dinner with the Dark leader.

Evony raised a perfect eyebrow. "Questioning a command decision already? Getting used very quickly to having that torc, eh, doctor?"

"I always questioned the choice, Evony. You just didn't pay attention to my concerns. Besides, you have to admit that if I hadn't gone, we wouldn't have this situation now."

Evony hmphed in an aggrieved manner.

Lauren kept gazing at her quietly.

"Look, you went, got the damn thing and now we're here. It's a good thing for you, isn't it?"

"I only meant," Lauren said patiently, "that if Mindos and the others had decided to take the torc themselves, I couldn't have prevented them. It would have been all too easy for them to have got rid of me. You would have lost us both. To put yourself to that kind of a risk isn't just unlike you, it would be inexplicable even in someone far less intelligent."

Evony huffed but she couldn't deny the point. At last she confessed, "I had a stupid vision."

" _What?_ "

"I saw the torc and you. Just that. It recurred. A lot."

"When?"

"The first time was when I first touched the map."

"That was why you brought it to me instead of a lab tech. And why you knew the map referred to the torc!"

Evony nodded. "After I appointed you to go to the Yukon, they stopped. You being human, I thought it just meant you would be the one to find it, right up until you told me in the car that it wouldn't come off."

"Evony, are you saying you now think the torc was _meant_ for me?"

"Hard to see what the visions were about otherwise," Evony shrugged.

"But it pre-dates me by centuries. Why would it even be meant for a human?"

"I did say that this never occurred to me earlier for exactly that reason," Evony pointed out, "so I"m hardly likely to have the answer. There's been nothing to indicate it would stick to anyone; this is the first I've ever heard of it doing that."

"You know I never meant ..."

"Oh, don't bother," Evony waved off the attempt at an apology, "it isn't the first game I've lost."

"And you trusted Mindos, Brinno and Brick with me because ..."

"I did a big favour for Mindos's family some years back," Evony said. "Big enough that I knew she wouldn't dare to take the torc herself. It would have turned her whole family against her and she would have feared that I would bring vengeance down on their heads. Brinno and Brick are her distant cousins."

"Do I want to know what's happened to them?" Lauren asked worriedly.

"Stop being such a goody two shoes, Lewis."

"I'm not. I promise you that I'm still not happy with them but I need to know if my choice to leave them behind got them killed."

A wicked smile.

"Evony?" Lauren said faintly. She had gone pale and swayed slightly.

"Oh, dammit no, they aren't dead! ... Oi!" Evony leaned forward and briskly smacked Lauren's cheeks, forgetting all about the torc. "Take a chill pill, Lewis, you better not faint," she warned.

This ungentle rousing was indeed very effective. Lauren recovered at once. Evony suddenly blinked, looked at the torc, at her hands and then shook her head and sat back.

"Sorry," Lauren muttered. "I'm fine now. And at least now we also know that if I should ever require medical intervention the torc probably won't prevent that ... So are they really not dead or did you just say that to stop me from passing out?"

Evony heaved a put-upon sigh. "If you _must_ know, I threatened to turn them over to the succubus."

"Evony! You can't have!"

"Of course I can. And I did. Threaten I mean. It worked a treat!" The Morrigan gave a cat-like smile. "You should have seen them sweat. I thought Brick would leave with wet trousers. After all she has to be useful for _something_."

Lauren looked at her in outrage and took a breath, but Evony went on, "... and if you start telling me all the ways she was _useful_ to you, I shall deliver my cooking to you for a week."

Lauren closed her mouth immediately. She couldn't be forced to eat anything she didn't want to of course, but her reaction was involuntary. She had stopped in next door one morning to deliver a case file and found Evony experimenting in an idle moment. There had been egg on the _walls_ and she was sure she had never seen omelettes quite that shade of chartreuse before. Evony had blamed it on the chives but chives are a _deep_ green. These omelettes had looked like bilious cat vomit.

The Morrigan smirked victoriously at her revolted expression.

"And so," Lauren said, after a pause to scrub the image of the omelettes from her mind, "the three of them are now ...?"

"They are conducting a detailed census of remote Dark fae, starting in Antarctica," Evony said in her superior fashion. "Don't be absurd, Lauren. Why would I reduce my own troop strength just because they were foolish? Foot soldiers are often foolish or they wouldn't _be_ foot soldiers. They didn't actively attempt to harm you; they wouldn't have dared."

Lauren breathed a sigh of relief. "What do we do about the torc, though?"

" _I_ don't know. I suppose you want to conduct test after test after test ... but don't get carried away. You still have other work to do, if you remember."

Lauren frowned at her hands. "I do ... Evony, why aren't you more angry with me for what I did to you? Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it a lot," she added hastily.

"All's fair in love and war," Evony said simply. "You saw me as an enemy where I did not see a war at all and that was my failing. I'm still fae. I still have my original lifespan and strength. I could still have killed you any time all by myself. But your medical work for the Dark is effective and my job is to make sure Dark fae stay alive if they don't attack me or break the cardinal rules; any beef I have with you is personal. And of course I needed you alive to work on removing the block. Now it's the torc that's the real game changer for you and I accept that that was not deliberate on your part. So we're starting out again with a clean slate, just somewhat more equal."

This unexpected graciousness endeared her to Lauren as kind words could not have. The doctor was beginning to see that Evony _did_ have a code of honour even though it wasn't one that would be recognized as such by most humans, since it apparently included not punishing Dark fae who killed humans so long as the killing did not threaten the secret of the faes' existence, and ordering the killing of the human families of fae who presumed to _have_ a human family.

But the Morrigan did what she said she would and had never to Lauren's knowledge broken a promise. This was of course principally because she had never made one that Lauren knew of, but still it meant her word, when given, could be taken seriously. On top of that, while Evony was to be taken lightly only at one's own peril, she had never come close to actualizing the danger where Lauren was concerned. She'd used the power of her office as an implicit threat, yes, but humans did that to other humans all the time. It was as if Evony, while generally ready to capitalise on an advantage, would have regarded it as an _unfair_ advantage, cowardly and beneath her, to use her powers on a human, whereas Dyson for example, had had no such scruples utilising an unfair advantage over her, although to give him his due he had never threatened violence. The Morrigan treated everyone with the same air of entitled menace: Lauren was a recipient of it without discrimination. And finally, Evony had never used hostages, against Lauren or anyone else. Even now, when that might be only way to stop her doing whatever she wanted, Evony hadn't threatened anyone else to keep her in line. Or maybe she just hadn't been pushed to it.

"Evony, there aren't actually many tests I _can_ do. My blood pressure and temperature are normal. I might not be able to draw blood to test although I can try. I can't exactly examine or experiment with the torc while it's on me and it's dangerous for other people to try, as we saw with Ermintrude ... oh, I hope she's not too upset. I told her the stone bits would re-form in just a few days and I gave her a silica supplement, but still, it must have been distressing ..." She saw the impatience mounting on Evony's face and hurried on, "Anyway Trick might the only one who can help."

"You will not consult that ... gnome," Evony ground out. "This is Dark business. Our archives have always been available to you. Use them."

"All right," Lauren said peaceably, inwardly cursing herself for having kindled Evony's irritation before mentioning Trick: so much for her people handling skills ... "but you need to consider what to do if they don't yield anything. Rangumen's daughter was Light, remember? Oh! Is that why you don't want the Light to know, because they might have a claim on the torc?"

Evony sniffed. "Much good it will do them with it attached to you. But yes, if they do have information, they may withhold it unless they get you back. I can't exactly stop you from going, now can I?"

Lauren shuddered. "There's a limit to how insatiable my curiosity is. I'd rather live in ignorance, thanks. And I called you and came back even though I had it, remember? I am still doing what you ask even though I don't have to."

"Why?" A mollified Evony was not a docile Evony, if such a being even existed.

Lauren hesitated.

"I mean, you could have just taken off back to the succubus," Evony pointed out. "I've heard she's been asking about you with all the Dark fae she knows."

Lauren frowned. She hadn't known that. Her last memory of Bo was of being abandoned to survive on her own at Taft's. "Actually, I couldn't. Evony, I had to explain to you about the torc and I had to do it personally so you would know that I hadn't been dishonest. If I had disappeared and called you or written you with an explanation, you would still have sent people after me, wouldn't you?"

Evony didn't answer but Lauren was certain. The Morrigan had wanted the torc too much to just let it go.

"Wherever I went, you would have found me. You did before. The torc may protect me but it doesn't make me all powerful. Its protection doesn't extend to others who might have been hurt in your attempts to recover it. So I wouldn't have been able to go back to the human world and have a family, or in fact anyone close enough to me to be entitled to an answer as to why I don't take it off for a shower or to go to bed. I'd have ended up as lonely among humans as I was with the Light for years. And I couldn't go to Bo because really, how would I live? To practice in my fields of expertise I need a lab and a clinic or a hospital set up. I don't have those resources on my own and not working would not be any sort of life I want. I might have had to settle for it if I had needed Bo's protection but I don't. I'd only have gone back to her for love alone and she doesn't love me even if she does care. I couldn't face going to live in that suffocating little circle, not being a real part of it, and having to watch ... I mean, all the while rotting away on my own, doing nothing useful. Their physical company isn't enough. They're not _my_ friends, they're Bo's. _You_ may not truly be my friend but you've tried to show more understanding about what I might need or want in months than they ever did in years. I know where I stand with you and what I can rely on you for. It may not be everything, but I couldn't rely on _anything_ with them except being used in the guise of lip service being paid to 'friendship' that only ever went one way."

Suddenly feeling that she had devolved into bitterness and not liking it, Lauren stopped. Evony was quiet, probably a bit taken aback at the genuine emotional outburst that had been triggered by what Lauren was sure she had thought a purely tactical question.

"Sorry," she said awkwardly at last, "I shouldn't have dumped all that on you."

Evony shook her head. "I'm just glad you thought ahead before you decided what to do. So, now that I understand why you're here, what are your plans? I imagine you won't want to continue being a good little minion doing my bidding and only my bidding."

"No," Lauren agreed. "You may take it for now that I'm not leaving the Dark: I've no reason to, on the contrary, I do have reasons to stay. For the rest, may I take some time to think? I haven't had the chance because I've been making up a serious sleep debt since getting out of the woods."

"Doctor, not only can I not stop you but if Mindos and her cretinous cousins were responsible for all that weight you've lost and the hollow look in your eyes, I rather think I owe it to you. Besides I can't have you fainting all over the place while you have Dark lives in your hands, so by all means take time off."

For some reason Lauren couldn't identify, something she had said had caused a blunting of Evony's usual edginess. She was too tired to think about it though.

Chapter 19

"Vex, what the hell's happened to Lauren?' Bo gave him a look that meant business. He, on other hand, looked like he regretted not staying out of town longer.

He held up placatory hands. "Nothing! She's fine."

"She's missing!" Bo shouted hotly. "How can she be fine?"

"I just saw her at the Dark compound with Evony. How can she have gone missing?"

"What? She's back?"

"I don't even know what you're talking about and I don't want to know."

"Vex, a few days ago I heard that Lauren was not at work."

"Well," Vex shrugged, "I wasn't here and Evony didn't ring me about it. Maybe the doc had a cold."

"She's got these little flecks in her eyes," Bo said.

Vex rolled _his_ eyes.

"Listen! When she's tired or worried, they go dim, hard to see. Were they like that?"

"Newsflash, crumpet: one, I don't look into her eyes like that, and two, I saw her from _afar_! You want to moon about her, go somewhere else. I can do without sudden onset nausea."

"I need to you give me her number and keep me informed about how she's doing." Bo gave the Mesmer a firm brook-no-argument look.

"Shove it," he said rudely, evidently not getting the memo. "No more Garuda, no more Bo blood in me, remember? I don't answer to you and I have better things to do than favours for you."

"The whole reason Evony hates me is because I got you free!"

"Not like it was for my sake, was it? You just wanted me to go into danger with you. There's no point giving you the number anyway because they'll block your calls. They control her phone, you know. Call the lab."

Bo sighed. "I did. They wouldn't put me through. Come on, Vex."

"I can't do anything about the phone. As for the rest, I ain't doin' it for free, darlin'."

"If you want me to stay friendly and help you out the next time you get into a bad situation, you will."

"Evony's not likely to give me any more trouble." He shrugged again.

"Yeah? You think you're not going to piss anyone else off? I'm surprised people aren't lining up to take you out," Bo jabbed snidely. "You can bet you'll need help sooner or later and when you do, you won't want to be spending time bargaining with me."

Vex tilted his head, considering this.

"I'm not calling you with a daily update like a gossipy aunt," he announced at last. "You can take it the doc's fine if you don't hear from me."

"My help when your life is at stake is worth a lot more than that."

"First," Vex said, "Lauren and Evony get on just _fine_ so you don't need to worry." He wiggled his eyebrows insinuatingly but this didn't get a rise out of Bo. She just tapped her fingers on the table. Disappointed, he went on, "Secondly, I have no reason Evony'll believe for hanging around the doc."

"Then make one up! You're smart enough when you want to be."

"That's because I have a reason for the things I want," Vex snapped. "I don't have a reason to want what _you_ want."

"Think of yourself in a straitjacket with a knife at your throat and me lurking behind the fella holding the knife," Bo encouraged.

"I'll think about it."

"Vex," Bo eyed him with disfavour. "Lauren spent time on you and did her best to help when you lost your mojo. You endangered her and all of us when you pulled that trick with the injections of my blood. You owe her."

"She also has a mean right hook," Vex grumped, "for which she owes _me_."

"You provoked it," Bo flashed right back.

They stared at each other pugnaciously.

"If you had any decency at all you wouldn't need me to ask you to watch out for her."

"Well, I _haven't_ any decency at all."

"Vex."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, just go away, Bo." Vex was fed up with this argument.

But Bo was on a mission. "I've tried fair bargaining, persuasion and appealing to your better nature. Since you don't have one, how 'bout this? I can hound you all day long," she warned. "And I will. I will hang about and make a nuisance of myself. You don't want to see a succubus doing her worst on the hottest night of business at a Dark fae club. I can sway them all into going over to your competition. I can do that every weekend night from now on."

"All right, all _right_! I'll make up an excuse to check on her."

"Every day," Bo insisted.

"For pity's sake! Fine! Just sod ... the fuck ... _off_!"

Bo smiled. She knew that all this posturing was ultimately just a front. Vex would probably have done as asked anyway but he wouldn't have been able to live with himself if he hadn't asserted his independence, made things difficult and tried to get something out of it. In reality all she had been doing was nagging him into submission. But when all was said and done (and a lot more had been said than done), now she'd got what she wanted, it had been sort of fun.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 20

The first day after her return from the Yukon Lauren spent mostly asleep or eating or stretching or sitting patiently sweating in a hot bath with generous handfuls of epsom salts added.

On the second day, she spent much of the time pacing and thinking and looking up a lot of different things on the internet. She had an idea for the future. It was a good one and she was excited, but when it got to the point that her mind was going in smaller and smaller concentric circles because she was fretting about details, she decided it was time to let the idea lie fallow for a while.

Evony's resistance to the idea of contacting Trick was weighing with her. The Dal might be neutral territory but Trick was not a neutral person. He was firmly Light. Not only was calling him about the torc while she was with Dark a big deal in itself, but if the Light did lay claim to it, real trouble could result. No, consulting Trick could only be done when Evony was prepared for the potential fallout.

Monitoring or not, she would have called Bo if Bo's number hadn't been blocked on her phone. She'd first discovered that in the early days with the Dark. Circumventing the block wasn't easy and back then it would have been worth the risk and effort only for the most urgent of reasons, which hadn't arisen. She would find a simpler way to stop Bo from needlessly running herself ragged asking after her. She wasn't worried about the longer term. By now Evony would have realised that the doctor could just walk out to the nearest phone vendor. The reason Lauren had been in purdah was that Evony hadn't wanted to lose her; imposing unnecessary restrictions wouldn't encourage Lauren to stay with the Dark now she had a choice. Between the Dark's inability to enforce these restrictions on her any longer and the motivation to keep her content, Lauren would very soon be able to contact anyone she liked. She didn't have to make a fuss about Evony putting it at the top of the long list of Dark business the Morrigan's office dealt with daily; that would just make Evony think she was plotting something. She could be cool and give it a couple of days.

Temporarily stumped as to what to do, she searched for some means of distraction.

Thus it was that she did something she had never done before: she looked through the Dark entertainment listings.

Many years ago, long before she found the fae, she had picked up a flyer for Opera por Barrios while backpacking in Spain. Intrigued at the idea of free opera for the poor, she had taken a bus to the Monasterio de San Jerónimo in some farflung neighborhood of Seville and taken her place amongst barbers and builders and costermongers dressed in their Sunday best. There were no curtains, there was barely a stage and she'd been prepared for disappointment. Until the music began, whereupon she had been entranced. Without curtains, scene changes meant a ridiculous number of intervals, during which the audience left their seats, mingled, drank wine and chatted about the events of their day, reproducing a temporary small village in the austere surroundings. No one had discussed the opera but Lauren hadn't been fooled. Opera to these people was like television in Canadian cities, an ordinary person's entertainment. All of them had known all the arias, humming or nodding along all around as she sat revelling in the atmosphere created by people who went to opera for love and not for show. It had been one of the most wonderful experiences of her life.

After all these weeks with the Dark, she was beginning to get a sense of it, to understand a little better what to expect. So when she saw that a short season of _Faust_ was being presented, some long absent piquant streak prompted her to invite Vex and Evony to attend with companions of their choice.

On the phone, Vex grumbled that opera was poncey but there was a certain alacrity to his acceptance of her invitation that made her think he only complained for form's sake.

"Vex, did you tell anyone about Evony's powers? I want to be prepared if there's going to be trouble."

"I told only two people, ducky, and they gave their blood oaths to preserve the secret. One of 'em was your girl and the other was the ex-Ash. "

"What? _Why_? Evony already hates Bo enough as it is."

"Insurance," Vex said. "If Evony sent a whole crew of thugs after me, well, I only have two hands, you know. There's only so many people I can deal with at once. I told her that if anyone she sent got anywhere close to offing me, I'd release those oaths if it was the last thing I did. Those two have no interest in protecting her position. They would talk, the Light would know and it goes without saying that the Dark would come to know as well. Bo would see to that. Evony'd be gone in two days flat."

"For all you know, they might not talk even if they feel the oaths being released," Lauren objected. "Neither of them would want a war, and that is the first thing the Light would think of."

"Nah, there wouldn't be a war. The mere danger of it would see to Evony's ousting by her own – the Dark would restore the status quo to prevent a war being provoked by the perceived weakness of their leader. Hale would know that and he'd tell Bo. They'd talk."

Vex was canny, she had to allow. She moved on.

"Look, Vex, Evony isn't sensitive about you talking to Bo. She knows you're not going to leave the Dark but she's just getting to used to believing that about me and my phone's still blocked for time being, though it won't be for long. So can you tell Bo I'm OK? I heard she's been asking around."

"Already done, ducky. I was someone she asked. Aren't you two a pair? I feel like an agony aunt. Or a go-between."

Lauren refrained from saying the two of them weren't a pair anymore. "Vex, you also need to tell her we'll be able to be in touch soon and do it quickly, please, or she might do something risky when she doesn't have to."

...

When she turned up at Evony's office to collect her, Evony wasn't alone. Apparently her last meeting had run a bit late. She had been dealing with a Dark fae scavenger called Pietra, a plump, rather jolly looking woman, who was curious about their plans. It turned out that she'd never been to the opera and she petitioned so earnestly to go that Lauren could not in good conscience refuse, though Evony's rather wicked smile told her she might regret this. Quite how they then accumulated a small cavalcade of various Dark fae who had never been to an opera before in all their long lives Lauren wasn't quite sure but here she was, with Evony on her left, Pietra on her right, Vex behind her and various excited Dark fae chattering all around.

Evony was indulgent, smiling faintly at her people and not lifting a finger to bring them to order. It was a Dark venue, after all, and the performers were all Dark as well.

The lights went down, and everyone shooshed each other into silence. A short way into the first act Pietra nudged Lauren and asked what was going on.

"Mephistopheles is suborning Faust to a life of evil," Lauren replied. She kept her voice low but she needn't have bothered because this was promptly passed on to the others in a series of very loud whispers and hums of approval, after which everyone more or less settled down. In the darkness of the theatre, Lauren didn't have to contain her smile.

During the second act, everyone bobbed their heads merrily to the _Song of the Golden Calf_. Lauren was even more amused when out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Evony actually mouthing the words. Of course the melody _was_ catchy, but she had a feeling that the celebration of veniality had a lot more to do with it.

Then Mephistopheles had his first set back and Lauren realized that the people around her were booing. An agitated Pietra complained to her, "This makes no sense! They're not even holding their swords right!"

"It's for the crosses formed by the hilts," Lauren explained.

"But that nuts!" Pietra opined with a dissatisfied air. "You're supposed to point the tip at your enemy! Look at 'em. 'S ridiculous. No one should be frightened by a bunch of guys holding their swords like idiots."

Lauren forbore to reply. The scene was already over. On her other side, Evony was grinning evilly and she could hear Vex chortling behind her.

The third act bored the Dark fae, who started eating popcorn, although where they had found any Lauren couldn't think. Then Faust's seduction of Marguerite began and eating was suspended as everyone craned forward in anticipation. Without surprise, Lauren heard someone cheering Faust on and Pietra clapping with approving excitement.

At the interval, Evony gave her a smirk and a raised eyebrow before pootling off somewhere and everyone else congratulated Lauren on a good choice of entertainment. It was a strain but she kept a straight face as she advised them that the ending was tragic and that they should wait before passing final judgement.

Evony returned with a troop of waiters bearing champagne and Lauren decorously took a glass as everyone else guzzled quantities of it.

The rest of the performance went much the same way but Lauren was twitchy, watching the reaction of her companions. She wasn't disappointed. When the 'hero' was killed, everyone cheered, then they were all surprised that wasn't the end. Weren't these things _supposed_ to end in triumph? Lauren started silently giggling. Vex must have seen her shoulders shaking because he leaned forward and blew in her ear, which was no help at all.

They got to the real end and the dismayed silence of her company when Mephistopheles was defeated by the forces of good was noticeable, especially after the curtain fell. Lauren started worrying that they might riot but suddenly they started clapping and whistling enthusiastically. There was even foot stomping.

Pietra turned to Lauren and said seriously, "We can all see why you said it was a tragedy. That was really something."

Lauren couldn't stand it. She burst into uncontrollable and completely unladylike whoops and could not stop. She had to be bodily hauled from the theatre by a grinning Evony and a puzzled Pietra. When Pietra asked Evony what Lauren meant when she choked out "better than Seville", Evony shrugged and said, "I have no idea, but we must allow Dr Lewis her eccentricities." Lauren, laughing even harder at that, was unable to explain.

Later, just as she was about fall asleep, she remembered. In Kinshasa, nine years ago. On the way into town from the airport, she and Nadia had spotted some kids playing football. Longing to stretch their legs after hours and hours on the plane, they had got their driver to stop, pulled on their hiking boots and run to join in. The kids had merrily welcomed these foreign adult strangers who just wanted to play. Nadia had scored a goal and there ensued a huge serious discussion about whether she'd been offside. In the end, their driver had refereed and ruled her onside and there had been cheers of "Nadia Maradona!" from her diminutive team. It was the last time Lauren recalled having all out belly-laughed like that before this evening, before they drove into the rainforest and never came out the same.

...

Talking to Vex had reminded Lauren that he ran a club, and while she didn't particularly like it, there were others. And now she could go to them. She could go to other human establishments. And she could do this regularly. Her short month in Calgary seemed ages ago now. All of a sudden she became hungry for any sort of interaction with her own kind.

If she gave fair warning that she wanted to go out periodically for humancentric activities because it was required to maintain her mental and emotional health, she didn't believe Evony would raise more than token objections. It wasn't as if there was any likelihood Lauren would form close ties with other humans. Dragging anyone else into knowledge about the fae and the consequences of that knowledge would be unconscionable. As she'd pointed out to Evony, the torc protected only her. Lauren could have casual acquaintances among humans, even casual sex, but close friendships and more were out of the question.

And so the day after the opera, when Evony woke her bright and early to ask about her plans for the future, their long wrangling discussion over breakfast included her coming and going to and from the human world.

They were busy the rest of the day putting things into motion for the new project and then she was swept off to the firing range to dust off her basic training and get licenced to carry. It had been Evony's condition for not making a fuss about Lauren's human world adventures. If a human mugger got to her on one of her excursions, whatever the torc did to protect her might raise questions no one wanted raised. If she held off the mugger with a gun, however, he would think 'badass bitch' rather than 'freaky shit'. So Lauren went without protest even though she disliked guns intensely. Evony might prevail on her to carry one, but she couldn't force her to actually use it.

She was beginning to feel weirdly at home with the Dark. At the opera, no one had looked down on her and she'd asked Evony about that today, expecting that the answer would have to do with being in the company of Evony herself.

Instead, Evony had shrugged. "Unlike the Light, most of the Dark really don't care, Mindos and co notwithstanding. They are indiscriminately antisocial towards humans and other fae. It's got nothing to do with seeing humans as lesser beings. It's generally an irrelevant distinction though, for humans: it hardly matters if they're killed by a sociopath or a snob since they're still dead."

It wasn't irrelevant to Lauren, now that she had experienced that difference and given her present invulnerability. She was, she acknowledged, much better off than she had been with the Light and would have been even without the torc. She could have initiated the whole opera excursion without it, for example. It just gave her the courage to be herself, the confidence to create opportunities to do things just like that.

She also thought she had an inkling of Evony's deal with her, now she'd stopped making assumptions about the Morrigan. When she considered all of the Dark fae she had met, Kitring's thoughts on higher education for fae seemed pertinent. Like nearly all fae Lauren had met, Evony had her moments of inexplicable pettiness and silliness, yet she was smart as a whip, knew the resources at her disposal back to front and, though Lauren might deplore the ends to which she deployed them, did so effectively. Lauren guessed that Evony had spotted in her a rare person of similar intellectual quickness, as knowing in the sciences as Evony herself was in the arts, and had, consciously or not, gravitated towards the closest thing she could have to a kindred spirit in all of the Dark.

The doctor understood loneliness in its every manifestation and her response to Evony was inevitable. The rule against fae-human relationships still made a fae partner for Lauren vulnerable and to subject a human partner to enslavement was unthinkable. The torc didn't change the prospect that she would be alone until she died. At best she could stave off the burden of resignation by taking whatever daily comfort she could in fae friends and human acquaintances. She could at least have both now, which was more than she had had with the Light. So while she marvelled at the unlikeliness of two people with such disparate values being even slightly _simpatico_ , Lauren could think of much worse fates than having Evony in her corner.

That night she concluded that she was in the best position in which a human alone among the fae could hope to be and that given the nature of life, which ensured that no one's circumstances were perfect, she had much to be thankful for.

 **PART 3**

Chapter 21

Bo excitedly hollered, "Kenzi, I need help! Lauren's going clubbing tonight and I'm gonna go and catch her there."

"Whoa, OK, succu-sis, I'm listening."

"You remember Vex said Lauren thinks we can be in touch soon? Well, it hasn't happened yet, but he was in Evony's office today and he heard Evony on the phone with her. She's now allowed to go out to human places after work and she's going tonight."

"That's all good, right? So why do you need help?"

"How do I do this, Kenzi? I mean, I guess I can't fall at her feet and declare undying love, huh?"

Kernzi cringed, "Uh, duh! Yeah, Bo, don't do that. Dumpees being weak sauce and pathetic just makes dumpers want to scram."

Bo had in fact been seriously considering it and she was disappointed that Kenzi had affirmed her first instinct not to."So then what?"

"Well, the other thing to not do is go bulling in and insisting that she talks to you about what _you_ want to talk about because that would just be more of the same not-listening-to-Lauren shit you pulled before, right?"

"Right," Bo said, but she looked more worried than ever.

"I mean, I get that you want to say you're sorry but she might not want to hear it right now. It's been months and we don't know what she's had to deal with." Kenzi frowned thoughtfully. "Vex's messages tell us you still matter to her but that's not the same as being a priority: we don't know what's on her plate at the moment."

Bo nodded. "That's why I have to go. Tonight she'll be away from the Dark. No one will be hovering over her. We won't have to watch what we say. If she needs help she can tell me. I know Vex said she's fine but I don't know how much she trusts him. She may seem fine to him but she might not tell him if there was trouble he couldn't see."

"Yeah, but remember she's not expecting you. For all we know, she might have a plan for tonight, something important that would be messed up if you show up."

"Then I'll hang back," Bo decided. "I'll let her see I'm there and she can decide what to do."

Kenzi nodded.

"But if everything really is OK and she comes over, what do I do?"

Kenzi rolled her eyes affectionately. Only Bo would worry about there _not_ being trouble. She had fought the Garuda and made big important decisions about really dangerous and difficult things all the time, it was unlike her to be so ... feeble. But then this was Lauren and Bo only ever got nervous where Lauren was concerned. After the missteps of the past, she knew she couldn't just swan in for business as usual. She must be downright insecure. She smiled at the anxious succubus, who was now actually wringing her hands.

"Relax, Bo. Take your cues from her. Let her talk about what she wants to talk about and catch up. Find out how the land lies before you find out how the doc lies, know what I mean?"

Bo huffed. "I'm not gonna try and jump her bones, Kenzi. I know she dumped me. I don't wanna risk her getting _more_ pissed at me."

"What I _meant_ is, find out what her living situation is now, what her concerns are, before you start asking how she feels about you," Kenzi said patiently. "And don't do the take-me-back talk yet unless she brings it up or she might shut down under pressure. You gotta feel her out, see how pissed she really is. And whatever happens, keep the lines open: you can't expect to convince her you're all new and improved in one conversation so the important thing is to get to be around after to show her and keep showing her. So you come back and tell me the sitch and we'll figure out what to do. Apologies are just weak-ass pretty words, Bo. You don't really think 'I love you and I'm so sorry' is gonna cut it in this case, do you?"

Bo shook her head sadly. "No, I just thought it'd be a start."

"Mmmm ...not if she's not ready to hear it. Doing it right is a lot better than just saying it right. If you want her to believe that you'll be paying attention then start that way. Pay ... attention ... to ... her."

Bo twiddled her fingers. "I guess I knew that. I just needed to hear you say it 'cos, you know, sitting back and not taking the initiative isn't normal for me."

"Yeah, but that's the whole reason you went wrong before, because you took the initiative to get what you wanted all the damn time, right? Look, just because you can do something doesn't mean you oughta, y'know. We humans are always at a disadvantage with fae. All of you can do a lotta things we can't stop you from doing. You have to stop yourself. If you don't start doing that, Lauren might never take you back. Who wants to feel like they have no power in any relationship? Look at us now, f'r instance. _I'm_ human. You can ignore everything I say. You're stopping yourself from doing that and instead you're listening. You're giving me power in _our_ relationship. It's the whole reason we _have_ a relationship."

Bo considered that. Then she grabbed Kenzi in a hug. "You're the best."

"Yeah, I am ..." Kenzi said, earning herself a knuckle rub on the head. "Ow."


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Let me assure readers that your interim reviews do not fall into a deep dark well of nothingness. Several of them have already been very helpful, not to the plot because, as I said,the story is finished except for editing, but they prompted improved ideas about how things should be presented, so thank you.

* * *

Chapter 22

Lauren had been working overtime on her new project so she arrived at the club she'd picked feeling good and ready for a break, self-consciously checked in the gun that Evony had harassed her into carrying, then wasted no time finding a dance partner. She turned out to be a hilarious woman who said she worked as a mime and stand-up comic and who kept Lauren in stitches so they could hardly dance, so eventually they gave up and went to have drinks instead. That was when she felt an oddly familiar supernatural tingle and automatically began looking round for a fae in the vicinity.

Bo was directly across the floor, having materialized seemingly out of nowhere like a mirage conjured up by the sweltering energy all around. The tingle remained quite noticeable without growing stronger as it usually did with Bo's approach, but it didn't occur to Lauren to wonder about that because she was fully occupied with disorientation at seeing her ex in these very human surroundings, in the midst of this new life she had wrought for herself. But it _was_ Bo, magnetic in presence as always, drawing eyes to her from all around. Instead of coming right up to join her, the succubus stopped when their eyes met, waved shyly, gestured towards herself, then the coat check area and melted away into the crowd.

Unused to such a lack of forwardness from her former girlfriend, Lauren blinked hard and needed a moment to recover, then brought her conversation to a natural end and said goodbye.

At the coat check, Bo was waiting patiently, politely fending off some admirer who was hanging about with a hopeful air. Lauren amused herself with the thought that if she had needed convincing that Bo was here, this would have done it.

Bo rolled her eyes at Lauren and jerked her head towards the exit, plainly wishing to be rid of her hanger-on. Lauren nodded and went to the counter for her things. A minute later, Bo was with her, eyes huge as they stared at her gun being holstered.

If this had been a movie, they would have caught sight of each other a good distance apart, a distance not filled with gyrating human clubbers, maybe an open sunny field of flowers, and then started on a soft focused slow motion run towards one another which would have culminated in an embrace of promising fervour.

This not being a movie, Lauren, overcome with nerves suddenly, squeaked with supreme dorkiness, "Hi, Bo!" and then cursed herself for perennial uncoolness.

Instead of displaying her usual social ease, Bo just whispered a greeting in return, fidgeted, gave a nervous smile and managed to look simultaneously happy and apprehensive.

They stood there like an idiot tableau.

Then Lauren told herself it was absurd for them to behave like virtual strangers and she willed herself forward to kiss Bo on the cheek. It seemed to break the spell and they both relaxed.

"You have impeccable timing," she smiled. "My phone blocks are coming off tomorrow and I was going to call you, but instead here you are! Wanna go someplace quieter, where we can hear each other?"

Apparently encouraged by this welcome, Bo lost her remaining tension, smiled, nodded and leaned against her for a moment, for all the world like the affectionate Doberman Pinschers Lauren had come across in her younger days who'd all leaned on her just like that. "I'm _so_ glad to see you. We've all been so worried. There's so _much_ for us to talk about."

Involuntarily Lauren tensed and knew that with the Dobie-lean, Bo must have been able to feel that.

Without missing a beat, Bo went on smoothly, "But there's a lot that can wait. Will you tell me everything that's happened to you?"

So they walked to the nearest open diner and Lauren told her tale, glossing over Kitring, whose secret wasn't hers to share. When she got to the part about the torc not coming off, Bo's eyes got wide.

"So you're protected against everything?"

"Until it decides to come off," Lauren replied. "Who knows when, if ever, that will be. But Bo, you mustn't tell anyone yet, except maybe Kenzi."

She gave Bo a firm look and then recalled that the succubus had never responded to that before, or to pleading, or to reasoned argument. She felt the old tightening inside her and looked down for a minute to hide her dismay and gather herself.

Her mind still shied like a panicked horse at the very thought of trusting anyone other than Kitring to get close enough again to hurt her. The past in its totality had wounded her too badly, not so much Bo, who had really only had the misfortune of being the last straw; but Lauren had been too vulnerable so the lacerations had gone too deep for the flinch reaction to have faded just yet. However she now had Kitring's friendship, the unexpected sense of community with the Dark, the strangely reliable amity with Evony, and the confidence that possession of the torc imbued her with, all foundation stones for her mending she had never anticipated having. So although she wasn't all the way better, she was still much improved. Bo's sudden appearance had caught her unprepared, but Lauren wasn't lacking in internal resources anymore.

When she looked back up, she was calm and her expression was carefully neutral. "I'm working on Evony so it should only be temporary but if you could hold off ..."

Bo's expression had changed too but the doctor couldn't read it. "I won't tell anyone except Kenzi, and she won't talk," she promised earnestly. "Lauren, I wasn't good at listening before but I'm listening now. You only have to ask."

Lauren kept her face still so as not to be rude by showing surprise. This _sounded_ good, but Bo always sounded good because she was always sincere. Well, Lauren could give her a chance. If events proved this assertion to be unfounded, she could write it off then as a false aspiration. She could afford to do this; she'd be keeping a safe distance, placing no real dependence on Bo; she shouldn't be too badly affected by it. And if it proved to be true, then Bo would have deserved the chance.

Bo bit her lip, looking nervous.

"Thank you," Lauren said with a small smile and a pat on Bo's arm to smooth the moment over. "Look, I expect to be able to consult with Trick eventually. Evony didn't want anyone to know before because she was afraid someone else would get to the torc first, but now it's stuck on me so it's safely with the Dark. I think she's persuaded that I'm not going to leave so if the Dark archives don't yield anything, I think she'll give the OK for people to be consulted even outside the Dark. She wants to know more about it as much I do. Paranoia is just a bit of a habit for her and in this case, it might be justified if the Light get up in arms about my being in possession of it."

"But why are you even staying with the Dark and letting her tell you what you do?" Bo asked.

Lauren answered swiftly to forestall any possible offer to go to Bo instead, not wanting to deal with, or worse, display, the feelings that would rise at such an offer. "Because the Dark has vast resources at its disposal, resources I need and either won't know about or won't have easy access to if Evony doesn't remain onside. But also, she hasn't been the way she was with you. I put the block on her powers when I was still afraid of her but the fact is, I made assumptions about her that were wrong. She hasn't ever treated me badly even before anything happened. From the start, she was much better to me than the Light ever was."

Bo furrowed her brow. "OK, I can understand that, I think ... it's just hard to make a picture in my mind of what it looks like."

"I'm not sure I can explain it. Her attitude to you in the beginning was hostile on principle because you chose to be unaligned. When you made that video of her, it became really personal and Evony does personal very viciously. But she's never stooped to using hostages against me, which means there's lines she doesn't cross. She's never tried to use her fae powers against me even at her angriest and she could have because melting power aside, she has fae strength. She could have personally hurt or killed me anytime before I got the torc. Plus, well ... I don't like to be arrogant, Bo. It gets people's backs up and they stop being cooperative. Just because no one can harm me now doesn't mean I should do whatever I like whenever I like."

"I get it," Bo said smugly, "Just because you can doesn't mean you oughta."

"Exactly," Lauren smiled although Bo's satisfaction just then was a bit weird. "It's completely understandable that you don't like Evony at all. But Bo, ... you know, all-out hate can be an indulgence, or a trap for yourself. It leaves no room for recognizing redemptive qualities and in their absence ... well, call me a romantic if you will but there's not much of a story then, and everyone has a story."

Bo said thoughtfully, "I really get that, Lauren; I reckon I've benefited from that kind of thinking myself. So I'm not saying you should defy Evony. I just don't like the thought that she might ask you not to see me because I've missed you so much. So has Kenzi. I doubt she'll lose her cool enough say so outright but you'll know it for sure when you see her again. And Dyson's been wishing to speak to you. He didn't get a proper chance to thank you at Taft's."

She hesitated a moment. "I owe you a lot of apologies, Lauren. We have a lot of catching up to do so I won't go into them now or we'll get distracted and I can tell you don't want to talk about all that just yet anyway. But since it's come up, about Taft's, I didn't know where you were ..."

"I left," Lauren said neutrally, "so it's just as well you didn't look for me."

She'd known they hadn't stayed to search for her. By the time she was trying car keys in the parking lot, the place had been empty. They hadn't been pressed for time that she knew of, so the obvious conclusion had been that they hadn't wanted her, that she was her own. Bo couldn't know this but that had been a turning point.

In that cold and solitary passage of time as she moved from room to room through the facility and kept finding no one to lend a hand or offer moral support even though she _knew_ they had all been there, her whole mindset had changed. From being an independent person who thought she had at least one friend and some allies, she'd become an independent person who was completely alone in the world. This apparent abandonment was why she'd covered her tracks going to Montreal; it was why she had told Kitring she wasn't sure if they were still friends. This mindset she'd now operated with for months wasn't going to go away overnight just on anyone's say-so, not even her own. A verbal apology or even any number of good reasons for leaving her behind wasn't going to let her shake off the consequences immediately. That mindset had already changed a little because of Kitring, because of her new views about Evony: if there was reason for it to change altogether, it would in due course. They could go into all this some other time, as Bo said. Things had turned out well for her after all, probably even better than they would have if Bo had found her then. It wasn't as if she had ever thought of herself as Bo's responsibility anyway and that, too, was perhaps just as well.

"We searched and searched for you afterwards," Bo said earnestly, evidently sensing her ambivalence. "For weeks. I would have even if you hadn't saved Dyson."

Lauren gave her a nod that could mean anything and said brightly, "OK. Now, why don't you tell me how everyone is?"

Bo started out a little uncertainly but that faded as she warmed up. By the time she finished with a hilarious story about Trick's troll having a stomach upset, they were both back in the groove and were relaxed and smiling again.

"I'm opening a new clinic on neutral territory," Lauren said. "Evony's funding it out of the Dark budget but it'll be open to everyone, humans and fae of all affiliations. That's why we can meet, because I won't be stuck in the Dark compound anymore. I'd appreciate it if you and the others would spread the word among the Light."

"That sounds impressive," Bo said. An impish look came into her eyes. "Especially the part where you got Evony to fork out for it!"

Lauren chuckled. "Oh, I just explained that it would be good for everyone, including the Dark, because diseases aren't sensitive to political divides. By and large a remedy or a treatment is equally useful on both sides. The more patients a doctor sees, the more data that doctor has for statistics and cross-referencing, the more effective that doctor generally becomes. And the different body structures and biochemical make up of different species might give the people treating them good ideas about all sorts of things like constructing prostheses for amputees and species-specific medications or treatments. Now that I can treat humans regularly again, I'll have even more data for cross-referencing, and I can help them as much as the fae. Everyone benefits."

She regarded with amusement Bo's slightly glazed eyes. "Actually, Evony got much the same look you have now. I even gave her examples though I'll spare you the experience. Anyway, in retrospect, I suspect she eventually agreed not so much from conviction as to get me to shut up."

"You wore her down," Bo said, grinning. "I did something like that not too long ago. It can be kind of fun."

"I know, right?"

They both sniggered evilly.

"And," Bo added, "I know I've said this before but it bears repeating: I love it when you geek out."

Lauren blushed. "I don't want to make a habit of boring people."

"You can make a habit of anything you like with me," Bo rejoined.

Lauren blushed a little more but only said,"We've been here for hours and it looks like they want to close up."

Bo looked disappointed but obediently dialed back on the unsubtle flirting. "All right, but while I get the check, can you put the address of your clinic, the name and the opening date into my phone?"

Outside they finally did hug and Lauren felt it again, that undeniable physical chemistry, their bodies seeking, finding, adhering to each other. That had never been a problem for them, she thought ruefully.

"Listen," Bo said, "we'll talk about us at your time and at your pace. But I'm letting you know now that I want to, please. I've ... I've learned a lot since you've been gone. I know I did a lot wrong before. And even if you can't forgive me for the past, I'd like a chance to prove that I'm a better person. I'd hate to think of you operating on the idea of the old me."

"I've changed too, Bo. It's been good for me, but I'm pretty sure there's things about me now that some people might find hard to take. So maybe we should both learn who each other is now. Find a new footing between us."

Bo smiled, "All right, but that doesn't mean the apologies go by the board, Lauren. You're owed. Please don't try to let me get away with not giving them to you. Unless you actually really hate the thought of listening to them."

Lauren nodded reluctantly. She didn't want to be ungracious but she wasn't sure it would be healthy for her to relive her previous distresses now that she had finally got past the hump.

"I'll think about it, Bo. It's just ... living in the present seems to be better for everyone."

Bo said gently, "It can also be too easy, and aren't those who forget history doomed to repeat it? I don't ever want to be the old Bo again for everyone's sake, not just yours. Like I said, at your time and at your pace. You don't have to rush it, just not avoid it forever." She did the Doberman lean again and said fondly, persuasively, "You like to do that, y'know, avoid talking about hard things."

"I do," Lauren sighed. "You're quite right. It's partly because I have things to apologise for as well. I wasn't exactly good at telling you things clearly. Or at all."

"Oh, please, don't even," Bo came back upright and interrupted before Lauren could launch further into her own guilt trip. "Lauren, what do you think you did wrong that wasn't the product of your circumstances, huh? Or a result of how I behaved with you?"

Lauren was silent for a moment.

"You _see_?" Bo's tone held a faint note of triumph though why she should take joy in amassing to herself the weight of sole culpability Lauren couldn't think.

"I once saw a poster," she said slowly, "of a yogi on a surfboard."

Bo stared. The ends of her lips began to curl up.

"He was standing on one leg on this surfboard, on a big wave," Lauren went on. "The caption on the bottom said, 'You can't stop the waves, but you _can_ learn to surf.'" She raised her eyes to meet Bo's squarely. "I didn't surf, Bo. I didn't rise above my circumstances. I can't use them as an invariable excuse for everything."

Bo said indignantly, "That's because you weren't _in_ the surf, Lauren. That poster was talking about the _normal_ difficulties of human life. A whole damn ocean fell on your head! No one could have surfed under those circumstances. No one else could have done as well as you did. No one else would have been anything even approaching normal."

Lauren had no immediate answer to that. With a mounting sense of horror, she felt her lips move into the beginnings of a pout and tried valiantly to stop. Being out-argued about this was not the point! In fact it was quite, quite irrelevant!

Bo had never had occasion to see this before but she seemed to know her Lauren anyway because, as Kitring had, she instinctively took exactly the right tack as she gloated, "Oh yeah, I won this one. Live with it, Lewis."

"But ..."

"Ah ... ah!" Bo gave the most infuriating grin and pointed a deliberately provoking finger right at a cross-eyed Lauren's nose, so that Lauren now discovered that it was possible to experience, simultaneously, both the uncharitable impulse to snap at it and the diametrically conflicting, almost irresistible, urge to burst into giggles.

"Can we say you have things to work on as well as I do but we have to disagree about how bad you should feel about them?"

Lauren gave an irritated little growl.

"Oh, that's cute!" Bo said, cheerfully impervious. "You've never done _that_ before."

Lauren scowled at the ground but it certainly wasn't serious and they both knew that. She could already feel the scowl tugging itself into a grin.

Bo chuckled, leaned forward and pecked her on the cheek. She hovered there a moment and then leaned back.

"Bo?"

"Yeah?"

"I've missed you too, a lot."

Bo glowed.

...

That had been as a good a reunion as she could have hoped for, Lauren thought on the way home. The odd moment of tension was to have been expected since they hadn't really talked about the past. She was glad her vague half-formed notion that Bo might have been angry at her was wrong. And she _could_ tell that Bo was different from before. Steadier, more insightful, less prone to that impulsiveness Lauren had never been able to rein in. Less for Lauren to worry about. She owed Bo clarity and resolution to the break up, and Bo would have that, not at the expense of Lauren's emotional health but as soon as she was able to handle it, they would talk as Bo wanted to.

If anyone had asked her what those warm, melting, meaningful gazes had signified, Lauren would have said with the voice of experience, wry, affectionate and indulgently amused, that Bo just did this and she was hardly alone in that. Creating implications without committing to anything definite verbally kept you willing to wait, kept her options open, and she was entitled to do that. In fact in this case, Lauren had hardly encouraged her to say anything more definite anyway. The key to self-preservation was, again, no real dependence. You didn't take the flirting seriously, enjoyed it in a spirit of lighthearted fun. Not too seriously at all.

Lauren wasn't angry or bitter now, she was just realistic and self-protective.

Because she _remembered_ what it was like to be actively and definitively in love with Bo and think that Bo loved her back. She remembered the joy they had taken in each other, how alive they had been in every moment together. She remembered what delightfully charming company Bo could be, and how the succubus could harmlessly irritate the hell out of the people she cared for so an observer's throat would ache with the effort of holding laughter in. She remembered those intense passages of complete mutual understanding between them when words would have been clumsy - and the pain of discovering she'd been wrong about that understanding all along. She remembered the sweetness of character and rightness of principle that had made her really fall for Bo in the first place - before Bo's valuation of her from one day to the next began to seem too fickle to parse.

It would be easy, being physically invulnerable now, to forget that being in love with Bo was dangerous. Lauren was neither vindictive nor unforgiving but she _was_ a survivor. They knew each other too well, liked each other too much, not to be friendly - but she had to armour her heart.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 23

"I come bearing gifts," Lauren announced when her tentative knock at Evony's door was answered the next evening. "Is it too late for you to be up?"

Evony looked at the board game she was holding out. Risk. She began to smile and let Lauren in.

"No drinking for me," Lauren said. "I'm going to need my wits if we're playing."

"No fun," Evony pouted. She pottered off to the kitchen while Lauren set up the game. She rarely sought Evony out without a professional reason, but talking to Bo about her had forcibly put to the forefront of her mind that she owed Evony more than just grudging resignation to her position.

"I've already had drinks this evening," Lauren explained offhandedly. "So I've had my limit."

If Evony was gratified that Lauren had chosen to come and spend leisure time with her when she had the choice to do human world things, she didn't say anything. Lauren let the implication percolate in silence.

And indeed Evony was cheerful all evening as she handily beat Lauren at the game and gloated uninhibitedly as Lauren drank her mineral water in a playful sulk.

"We have to find a game that I can challenge you at," she said. "This is awful for my ego."

"And how will that be fun for me?" Evony glittered at her.

"Scrabble?"

"Perish the thought."

"Chess?"

"Sorry, honey, I'll beat you at it with my eyes closed."

"Who says?" Lauren was indignant.

Evony lazily drew out a folded chess board from under the coffee table, untied her scarf and held it up in one hand.

"Shit," Lauren said in all too apparent dismay.

"Bets, doctor."

"Oh, all right. If I lose, I'll eat whatever you cook next." Lauren closed her eyes and grimaced.

"Hah. I'm not going to the trouble of cooking if I win. Think of something else."

"The next time I treat a will o'the wisp for flatulence, I'll ask him to let you watch?"

"Nice try, but no."

"We go to _Orfeo_ , my treat."

"Your dime is my dime, Lewis."

Lauren threw up her hands and fell back against the couch cushions. "I'm out of ideas."

"You're supposed to be a genius at thinking outside the box," Evony chided.

"Apparently less of a genius than you thought," Lauren sighed. "What if you lose?"

"Hmmmm ... I'll get you tickets to all cultural events for the next three months."

"No, no, no. You'll just put it on the budget."

"I know!" Evony sat up, holding up a finger excitedly. "If you lose, you have to sit through a lap dance from Vex. If you squirm even once, you'll have to turn the tables."

"Oh ... my ... god! ... You're actually serious! ... Okay, done." Lauren shuddered, hoping Vex wouldn't agree to it so the bet would be frustrated. With her luck though, he would probably be delighted at the prospect. She shuddered again. The Morrigan was grinning.

"Fine. Then if you lose, you're to be Bo's assistant for one day."

"W _hat?"_ Evony's grin disappeared and she actually shrieked.

"Come on, Evony, the loss of a bet must entail mild suffering."

" _Mild_? What you're suggesting isn't _mild_ suffering. My liver is curling at the thought."

"Don't be melodramatic."

"No way!" Evony crossed her arms in emphasis. "A lap dance doesn't last a whole day. I refuse to be subjected to a worse penalty than you."

"But you're confident of winning," Lauren goaded.

"Lewis," Evony narrowed her eyes.

"Half a day?"

"NO! Vex is not your enemy. I will not be subjected to that succubus's whims. Are you seeing her again?"

"No," Lauren said. "I may have the torc but I'm still human and she's still fae. You think I want people attacking my patients? They can be hurt even if I can't. People torch abortion facilities in the US because their principles are offended; they don't just attack the doctors even though that would be bad enough."

"Yes, please don't get your patients killed. They _are_ Dark and my responsibility, you know."

"Stop worrying. Living under threat is not a desirable way of life," Lauren said. "Besides, I remember what you had Vex do to Lou Ann and her family; I'm not in a hurry to experience your sentiments on this point." Her memories of that time must have caused the sour note in her voice.

Evony's gaze was penetrating. "Taking that a bit personally, aren't you? I don't recall that it had anything to do with you."

"But it does, doesn't it?"

Evony shrugged but Lauren knew she was relieved not to have one more thing to worry about. She'd witnessed several examples of the many, many headaches the Morrigan actually dealt with on a daily basis. In retrospect it shouldn't have surprised her that Evony was a strategic game player _par excellence_.

Then Evony's next words left her gobsmacked.

"Actually, the elders were responsible for that. I've had human lovers. I've even had children by them. Honestly that rule is honoured more in the breach than the observance. Lou Ann pissed off the elders because of what she did for Aoife, hiding the baby."

"They'd punish a child for the sins of its parent?" Lauren's pending outrage didn't allow her to rejoice at the implied permission to have a discreet relationship with a fae, but it went to the back of her mind as an important headnote.

"Noooooo, they wanted the child with the Dark. I wasn't the Morrigan at the time all that happened so I never really gave two hoots. But the rule was conveniently in the elders' favour when it came to Lou Ann. Leniency in all other cases is just that – leniency: a lucky privilege, not a right. So if you're thinking about it, don't piss the elders off. Myself, I really don't care what you do."

And the permission was no longer just implied.

"Okayyyy ... anyway, back to the bet ..." Lauren hadn't really expected Evony to accept the penalty she'd suggested. "How about you be my assistant for one morning at Dark Medical before the clinic opens? And you have to be nice to the patients."

"Done," Evony said quickly, no doubt to prevent Lauren from further flights of invention.

Lauren lost the chess game almost embarrassingly quickly. Evony crowed of course, and then called Vex. Lauren's luck ran true to form and Vex came running with glee as Evony must have known he would. During the lap dance Lauren, deprived of the ability to squirm by her trenchant determination not to have to give one to him, relieved her feelings by screwing up her face into varied expressions of disgust and for once, swearing like a trooper, and Evony laughed so hard and so continuously that even her perfect fae complexion turned red. The three of them ended the evening in great good spirits, Vex bearing Evony off with him to his club and Lauren pleading exhaustion to excuse herself from accompanying them.

Chapter 24

The next day Lauren went to the clinic in the late afternoon for a walk-through with an electrical contractor and lingered there afterwards, imagining how it would look when it was all ready.

When she came out to go home, a couple of women were looking up at the sign that proudly flagged the opening day of the Marquise Private Medical Centre, and she smiled at them in passing.

"Excuse me ...,"one of them said, and Lauren stopped and cocked an interrogative eyebrow.

"We heard that this clinic will treat ... _fae._ " The last word was hissed in an undertone.

Lauren nodded, inspecting the two curiously. "That's right."

"From any side?"

Lauren nodded again.

" _How_?" the other one said.

"The Morrigan's funding it but she's guaranteed that the records will be confidential."

They looked doubtful.

"I'm guessing you're Light if that worries you," Lauren said.

They nodded.

"The fae doctors have sworn a blood oath to keep the records confidential," Lauren explained softly. "The internal network and database aren't connected to the internet. We have a whole separate network and dedicated terminals for web searches and external emails. Any fae who registers as a patient gets a contract in which our obligations are spelled out in writing and if your doctor is fae, he or she will give you a blood oath in person if you ask for it."

They looked less worried now.

The first one who had spoken piped up, "We heard about this at the Dal just now and came for a look-see. You know, we were curious."

It was good to know Trick was onside and spreading the word, the Dal was fae gossip central. "We have a special budget for security," Lauren said, closing up her sales pitch. She wasn't good at this. "... and not just on the cyber side but physical security too, because this place is on neutral territory. I suppose you need to find out if the Ash is going to be unhappy if any of the Light fae register here."

"It's miles from the Light compound," the second woman said. "This place is more convenient for us so I hope he'll be OK with it."

Lauren smiled at them. "Well, I hope we'll see you here."

"Yeah," the first woman said. "Hey, sorry, but _you_ obviously will be working here, right?"

"Yes," Lauren said brightly. "I'm looking forward to it."

"So are all the staff Dark?"

"So far," Lauren admitted. "But that's because of how it's started, as the Morrigan's project. When it's established, we hope the Ash will be amenable to sending staff our way and maybe funding part of it too."

"That would be ground-breaking," the second woman breathed.

"Yeah," Lauren said as she considered the truth of that. "You would have thought that after the Garuda, something like this wouldn't be such a big deal."

As soon as she said 'Garuda' both the women looked at her alertly.

"I mean, we had both Light and Dark together against it ..." Lauren thought about it some more. "Well, maybe not."

"No?" the first woman prompted.

"No, it was a force consisting of Light and Dark fae but beyond not punishing their people for cooperating with each other on that team, I don't think it can really be said that the Light and the Dark, as institutions, cooperated. Then there was a Light-Dark police project but that hasn't continued. So maybe it will be harder than I hoped to get the Ash involved in a constructive way."

"Well I hope it works out," the first woman said. "I'm so over having to be against the Dark like a kneejerk reaction just because they're Dark. I've never understood how institutionalising a divide is supposed to promote peace. It's like the green and purple Drazi," she said to her friend, who smiled. "How can some people can spend all their lives on that as if there weren't anything else to do?"

Lauren stared them in utter delight, tickled pink. "You're Babylon 5 fans? You're so absolutely spot on. It IS _just_ like the Drazi."

They all grinned at each other.

"Look," said the first woman, "in the spirit of things, I don't care if you're Dark. If we're going to start cooperating at all, I don't mind starting small." She stuck out her hand. "I'm Kristin and this, coincidentally enough now you've mentioned B5, is Lise."

"I'm Dr Lewis," Lauren said, shaking the proffered hand and then Lise's. "But please, you can call me Lauren."

They froze, both with their mouths slightly open.

"Ummm ... I'm guessing you've heard of me," Lauren said awkwardly.

"Yes, sorry for the fishfaces," Lise recovered a bit. "You're ... you're human, right?"

Lauren nodded and waited for them to withdraw in disdain. But they didn't. Instead they continued to gaze at her with evident fascination while Lauren looked from one to the other, unsure whether to feel amused or steel herself for an elucidation that might be crushing.

"Goodness," Kristin said finally. "We're being so rude. But it's just ... we never thought we'd come across you just wandering the street. I mean, the way you were talking about the Garuda sounded like you had personal knowledge. It should have clued us in but honestly, I thought it would be too big a coincidence for it to really be you."

Lauren smiled. "Trick didn't tell you I'd be working here?"

"Oh, he did. That's apparently a selling point to most of the Light fae, you know. We're relatively new arrivals in town but even _we_ know that. We just didn't think anyone would be here because it's not open yet. Or maybe just workmen. Not you yourself. I'm babbling."

Lauren laughed.

"Do you have a business card for us?" Lise asked.

Lauren fished one out and handed it over. "It's one of the few things we've managed to get done early."

"Look," Kristin said, "would you want to eat with us? Right now, I mean?

"Sure," Lauren said easily. "That would be fine with me. But I wouldn't want you to be in trouble with the Ash."

"We'll be all right. We're not even really important or powerful fae, so he might not even ask us about it. If he does, we'll just say we were fact finding since the opportunity presented itself, in case there was anything he ought to know, and found nothing dangerous to the Light," Lise shrugged. "He'll just believe we did this for a chance to suck up to him."

Lauren began to really laugh. It seemed to her to be a year for finding fae she liked. She wondered where all these decent ones had been before. She felt so comfortable with fellow sci-fi fans that she said this aloud when they sat down to dinner.

Kristin repeated to her what she'd told Bo about fae who lived in colonies.

"So that's why. It all makes sense when you explain it." Lauren felt hopeful. Kitring, Kristin and Lise had not lived in colonies and she liked them all. There could be a lot more decent fae around. Maybe keeping the fae secret from humans didn't have to be cast in stone forever, and what Kristin had said earlier about the Light-Dark divide being self-defeating made sense too ...

Lise put down her fork and drew a breath. "In the interests of full disclosure so you don't feel ambushed or threatened, Lauren, we're just going to tell you right now that we know Bo because I was kidnapped and she helped get me free."

Lauren blinked her surprise. "Oh wow, are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine. It was ages ago. They just sedated me but it went through my system and it hasn't been a problem. But I'm telling you this because we want you to know upfront that we've heard about you before today and not just from Trick or the Light fae. It's why we reacted the way we did when you introduced yourself."

"Okay ..."

Kristin said, "We don't interfere in people's lives, Lauren. We're not gonna gossip and engineer anything. We're telling you so you know we're not trying to take advantage of you."

"Thank you." Lauren didn't know what else to say. What was she supposed to do with this?

"What we feel we can properly say is the objective fact that just in the short time we've known her, Bo's undergone some radical changes. She isn't the person she was before. Now what you do with that is up to you."

"Okay," Lauren said, hoping for more. But the two of them were buttoned up now. If she wanted to find out what those changes were, she'd have to find out on her own, which she'd intended to anyway: Bo had said much the same thing about herself and they'd both agreed to not to make assumptions that the other was the same as before. Besides, Lauren was, as always, curious.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 25

Bo was humming blithely as she bobbed between the coffeemaker and cereal boxes.

Kenzi gazed at her thoughtfully. Bo had reported back on her meeting with Lauren and her impression that the doctor had been 'nice and not obviously pissed but not ready to talk about the past or about being together again', which they had both agreed was a lot better than the situation could have been. The two of them had put their heads together to make a plan for a dual apology of sorts from both of them, which they also hoped would make Lauren amenable to giving Bo another chance.

Bo had been soberly aware that she had a lot of serious work to do so this sudden lightheartedness was odd. Kenzi took a punt at the cause.

"Bo, did you go see Lauren last night?"

Bo shook her head. "Not like that. We didn't meet up but on my way home from delivering that case file to Hale I saw her from the car just by chance. She was coming out of an art gallery. I pulled in but then I saw she was with some woman I didn't know so I waited a minute just to see that everything was copacetic and then I came home. But Lauren looked great!" She jigged a little.

Kenzi stared at her. "So Lauren was out with some other woman?"

"I guess. We're not prying, Kenzi."

"No, of course we won't. That wasn't what I meant. Did she see you? I mean, your car's banana yellow!"

"At night all cats are gray," Bo pontificated.

Kenzi rolled her eyes. "So she didn't see you. And she was out with someone else. How come you're so ... " she made vague dancing gestures.

Bo looked at her jerking hands in puzzlement and Kenzi gave an internal sigh as she stilled them. "You're not ... you know, upset?"

"About what?" Bo looked honestly baffled and the same feeling was growing in Kenzi herself.

"Hello?" She snapped her fingers by the side of Bo's temple. "Anyone home in there?"

"Rude!" Bo pushed her hand away in annoyance. "What are you going on about?"

Kenzi re-phrased. "How can you be so happy when Lauren was out with someone else?"

"That's not what I'm happy about of course. I'm happy because Lauren looks happy. She had this great smile and she was walking different, lighter, you know? It's like she's more the way she supposed to be."

"Yeah, OK, that's good, Bo ..." Kenzi frowned, still confused.

"Don't you see? Lauren's happier because she really is in a better place. She's as free as any aligned fae. In fact, if she can see Light and Dark and human patients, she's freer than most."

Kenzi nodded and made a 'go on, go on' gesture.

"I couldn't have got her there on my own, Kenz. I'd never in a million years have let her be taken to the Dark for one thing. If she'd stayed with me, I could've made her happier if I'd been a better girlfriend, sure, but I couldn't have given her everything she's got now even I'd been the best girlfriend in the world. She'd still have been claimed by the Light or if I got to claim her somehow I couldn't have given her a whole lab and clinic. We'd still have had to contract with the Light so she could do the work she loves, and they would've put the same rules on her, just under contract instead of indentured servitude. The kind of freedom she has now wouldn't even have been in our conception."

"OK. I understand all that, Bo, and I'm glad that it's so great for her, but that wasn't my question."

"The point is that I realise really and truly now what she meant about all the other things she went through affecting her badly. She wasn't just fobbing me off. Well, she might still have been, but if she was, she was fobbing me off with the truth. I might be a lot to blame for the break up, but I'm really not _all_ to blame."

"Ahhhh... I see. You're happy not just because she's happy but also because she might be less mad at you than you thought."

Bo sighed. "OK, yeah, in simple terms, yes. It doesn't make me less wrong but it means the road back isn't so uphill, you know? It means she might not have written me off permanently."

"Cool. ... And the 'someone else' doesn't bug you?"

"It's not serious, Kenzi. I could tell from the body language. They hardly knew each other at all. And remember we're broken up."

"No, I know she _can_ see other people, but I thought you'd still be ... jealous even so."

Bo stared at her and Kenzi for just a moment felt a sensation akin to swimming in mud.

Then Bo said, "I'm a _succubus_ , Kenzi. I have sex with different people all the time. Why would it be a big deal to _me_ if someone else does that too? I mean, of all people! I have no idea how their evening ended. Maybe they just had supper and talked about art. But even if they slept together, Lauren's entitled. She's been living in fear for a long time, Kenz, and she wasn't able to let it show. Now she doesn't have to be afraid anymore, it must be a huge relief. I kind of think about when she first told me what I was and I was free of the burden of ignorance and fear of myself for the first time in years. You can't blame her for wanting to let loose a bit and test what it's like to be free after so long."

"I don't at all. It's just ... I mean ..." Kenzi floundered for a second then gave up. "It's too early ... my brain isn't working ..."

Bo said kindly, "Kenzi, sometimes people just need to have that kind of physical closeness with someone else. Just for a while. They might not need it to feed but it can fulfil other needs that might be just as important. You know that, right?"

Kenzi nodded. "I'm not criticizing Lauren for it, Bo. I'm asking about what _you're_ feeling."

"Oh! Well, have you ever seen me jealous?"

"Hmmm ... there was Nadia ...," Kenzi trailed off because Bo was shaking her head.

"Nope. I was envious of Nadia. I wasn't jealous of Lauren. Totally different thing."

"How?"

"Google it," Bo advised and poured herself another coffee.

"Noooo, I know I can do that but I want to hear _your_ take on it, Bo."

"Okay ..." Bo rested her forearms on the table. "Lauren is not a thing to be owned, no matter what the asshat Ashes thought. Right?"

Kenzi nodded.

"So, I don't own any part of her, body or soul, and I don't want to. I love that she's smart and independent and doesn't let anyone tell her what to think and it's especially hot 'cos she's pretty much always right, see?'

Kenzi decided to forego the eye rolling and contented herself with another nod.

"So I'm not gonna put some sort of invisible cage round her. No one should do that to another person, but Lauren especially has suffered enough of that for several lifetimes. That's jealousy, it's what you feel for something you own. I _envy_ anyone else she sleeps with because of course I'd prefer it if she slept with me, sure. That's natural. But I would never be jealous of her. If I had been, I wouldn't have wanted to free Nadia, I would've wanted to keep Lauren all to myself. Well, I'd like to think I'd have done it anyway because it was the right thing to do, and not just for Lauren: Nadia deserved it too. But we're talking about feelings now, right, not actions?"

Kenzi frowned as she tried to work this out. Bo tried again.

"You ever hear the story about the traveller with the coat and the sun and the wind?"

"Eh?"

"They have a competition to get the coat off him. The wind tries to blow it off by force and he just wraps it tighter around himself. The sun makes it nice and warm and he feels good so he takes it off of his own accord. We talked about this in school when I was a kid," Bo said reminiscently. "I remember it 'cos it was more interesting than bible study - nine years old, you know..."

"Not dissing the story, Bo, but the point is ...?"

"Look, I may want Lauren to love me, but the way to do that is NOT to prevent her from seeing other people by beating them up or getting into a snit about it. That would be like just another cage I'd be putting her in. Plus, would you like someone who beat up someone else you like just because you liked them? That would be really creepy, right?"

"Yeah, but I never thought you'd do that. I just thought you'd be down like you were when Nadia woke up. And OK, I get now that it wasn't jealousy. But still ..."

"Nadia meant a lot to Lauren, Kenzi. She was Lauren's family before the fae and then her only family for five whole years before I showed up. Five years takes a second to say and it's easy for us coming in at the end of it to dismiss, just saying it. But think about how long that really is; like I said it's a quarter of your life." Bo paused to let Kenzi think about it.

After a few long seconds, Kenzi nodded slowly and Bo continued.

"So Lauren had been loyal to her to years. Now maybe after so long with Nadia unconscious, the love couldn't be what it was, but Nadia was important enough for Lauren to stick by her and maybe give the old love a chance to be revived and renewed or changed or whatever so it'd work between them again. If it hadn't been for the Garuda that could well have been the result. So yeah, I was down then because I didn't think I had a chance with her. But whoever Lauren picks up on her evenings out now isn't the same. At least not yet. And so long as she's still talking to me, I get to try and convince her to come back to me. If she does, even if she doesn't want to commit yet, I'm gonna be the best lover possible so she doesn't _want_ anyone else to begin with, and the best possible partner so she won't be tempted to _love_ anyone else because no one else would matter. I'm gonna make it so she wants to decide in my favour, like the traveller deciding to take his coat of instead of having it forced off. Be the sun, not the wind."

Kenzi sat up straight as full comprehension dawned. "Wow, Bo. That is seriously evolved. I didn't know you had it in you."

"Ouch." Bo glared at her but it was without real heat. "I had a headstart on this, being a succubus. I'm not so evolved otherwise, but we _are_ talking about sex kinda stuff here, Kenz. Besides, it doesn't just apply to sex. Think about Vex and why he's friendly with us now, for instance."

"Still, wow!" Kenzi said admiringly.

Bo's eyes took on a calculating look, "Anyway, I'm gonna make sure she's sooooo loved up she won't want or need anyone else. I'm gonna earn all her love, Kenzi, every bit of it. That's what I'm gonna do." She nodded firmly in emphasis.

"Good for you, Bobo!" Kenzi sparkled at her.

"Plus, I have a cunning plan. I mean a cunning plan _within_ the plan."

"Yeah ...?" Kenzi said suspiciously, uncertain from the look in Bo's eyes whether she really wanted her to elaborate.

"Yeah," Bo grinned. "See, I figure she's had so many years of other people telling her what to do, she must hate it. You can see it, too, in the way she was and the way she is now. If I hadn't been such a self-involved ass before, I'd have got this a lot sooner."

"Okay ..."

"Well then, guess what it's gonna be like in our bed from now on if she takes me back," Bo gave her a wicked, wicked smile.

"Oh ... AHHHH! Ewww! Errrrgh! Noooo! ... You did _not_ just _do_ that to me!" Kenzi scowled and shook her head vigorously to dispel the image.

"Hah! You only say that 'cos you don't know what you're missing. I tell you, when Lauren is on top, I come and _come_ like there's no tomorrow! There's _no_ downside to this." Bo rubbed her hands in anticipatory glee, ignoring Kenzi's gagging. She remembered vividly how utterly turned on she got when Lauren hovered over her, the way she looked when she gazed down at Bo, a human facing a succubus in bed with absolute confidence. She re-lived with a purr in her chest how Lauren would alternately tease and please with her mouth and her hands ... and those times she made Bo arch up so with wanting ...

Bo gradually came out of her lascivious reverie only when she realized that Kenzi was suddenly quiet. She wasn't even there anymore. Bo looked around in confusion and found her all the way away at the front door, one hand on the doorknob and one hand wrapped around Geraldine's hilt. She was staring at Bo with a mixture of wariness and amusement.

"Kenzi, what are you doing? What's wrong?"

Kenzi looked at her with careful attention, put Geraldine down and marched back to the table. "Your eyes went blue, Bo. I thought it wasn't supposed to happen just like that."

"Really?" Bo felt a moment of alarm.

"Noooo," Kenzi drawled, "I just run away and point sharp things at my best friend for fun _all_ the time."

But Bo had thought about it and her alarm had subsided. "This was the first time then, since the Dawning, but I was still me, Kenzi. I didn't become some evil witch like I did before and I didn't disappear or pass out at the end. So don't be worried. I'm not. I was in full control, so the blue eyes don't matter."

"You sure you didn't feel different?"

Bo nodded. "Absolutely. No one was in danger this time. I wasn't afraid or desperate. Well, not in that way anyway." She licked her lips.

Kenzi gagged again. "Stop that! Just stop thinking about sex with Lauren when there's just me here! That is soooo ... skanky!"

Bo turned up her nose. "As if! It is perfectly normal and natural to think about sex. Guys do it most of the time."

"Yes, but you don't have to _indulge_ when I'm the only one around. Think about her in your room or something, somewhere I'm not. Gross!"

Bo sniffed. "Anyway, I can ask Lauren about this blue-eyed stuff when her clinic opens."

"Yeah? You're gonna tell her _why_ you got them?"

...

"... Oh, shit."

Kenzi grinned vengefully at Bo's lemon-sucking look. "That'll teach you to overshare. _Don't_ tell me any more of your cunning plans for her."

Chapter 26

Lauren's clinic opened and it was shaping up well. The first day brought enough registrations to keep everyone busy and the staff were pleased.

The very first people to walk in on the second day were Lise and Kristin, who said that the Ash had seen fit to give the OK to any of his people who wanted to register here. Word got round the whole clinic and there was a palpable air of satisfaction and anticipation.

They didn't get time to celebrate the news though. An hour after the two Light fae left, a major traffic accident occurred nearby. From inside the clinic the sound of screeching tyres and the succeeding bang of impact were audible, made worse by more similar sounds succeeding them and a short interval of horns blaring. By the time silence returned, everyone in the clinic was on alert.

One of the doctors went out to see what had happened, his phone clutched in his hand. Minutes later he called in and, while Lauren got things organised in the clinic, stretcher bearers hurried out. It wasn't long before the injured started coming in moaning and in a few cases, screaming, and triage began with all hands on deck. Within the hour, the relatives started arriving in a panicked state and Lauren's people at reception, handpicked as they were for experience, were swamped by sheer numbers.

From inside the operating theatre, Lauren couldn't hear anything, but she could sense the facility becoming overwhelmed from the way staff were coming and going and the harassed look on their faces as they whispered urgently to one another. It wasn't a full hospital; it was only a clinic, a very well-equipped one certainly, but still small and with staff numbers accordingly. She was working on the most critical cases and couldn't let herself be distracted but a kernel of worry started growing in her heart.

Then all of sudden everything changed. Doctors and nurses stopped rushing in and out. Everyone got to work continuously on their respective patients undisrupted. Lauren finished what she was doing and let a colleague close up so she could go outside to see what was going on.

In the private room they'd hurriedly cobbled into a makeshift ward, the less injured were not clamouring for attention but lying peacefully awaiting their turn, each looking like they were on the good drugs.

She passed into the waiting area. For all that it was crowded, it was calm, everyone sitting quietly with a vague sort of smile. Lauren took one more step, her head still swivelling, and froze mid-step.

For there was Bo, applying her touch to good effect and persuading the last of the agitated relatives to settle down and let the professionals do their jobs. The staff at reception, now freed up to stay on the phones arranging patient transfers to other hospitals, just grinned at Lauren. Now she knew why there was order instead of chaos, and that the cause was benevolent, Lauren didn't have time to gawp. She cast Bo a grateful look, got a wink back, and let the succubus carry on doing her thing while she herself hurried back to the operating theatre.

When it was all over and the casualties had been sent off home or to the appropriate hospitals for longer term care, the clinic staff cheered a blushing Bo. Lauren waited until the fuss had died down, then drew her into her own consulting room.

"Bo, I don't know what to say. Thank you seems inadequate. We were able to do our best for everyone because of you. How on earth did you even come to be here?"

"I wasn't intending on it," Bo admitted. "Kenzi and I have been tied up on an urgent case the last coupla days or we would've come by yesterday. This morning we were headed out to interview a witness and we heard about the pile-up on the radio. It was so near the clinic that I figured you'd at least get some spill-over casualties and it sounded like it would be pretty messy. So Kenzi dropped me off a few blocks away before the traffic got too snarly and I hoofed it the rest of the way here. The witness is human and not a suspect so Kenzi's safe enough. She hasn't called so she's probably OK, but I should go join her now."

Lauren used her intercom to instruct reception to call a cab and then turned back to look at Bo seriously. Once upon a time she might have gushed 'you were amazing' like an airheaded fangirl, as she had when Bo had been plagued by a Mare. It sounded nice but was in fact completely unhelpful and virtually meaningless. Not now. Even grown-up Dr Lewis had discovered that people don't really stop growing up at any stage of their lives. She wanted her thanks to mean something, to be substantial.

"Bo, you stopped the less injured from aggravating their wounds, and the relatives ... well, when people are so upset and they're all together, they can set each other off. They may not mean to do any harm but they're not their everyday selves. Sometimes you get cases of hysteria or even violence. We'll never know what might have happened if you hadn't shown up, but your help may have had a much more profound effect than seems obvious. No one on the staff was kidding about how grateful we are."

Bo blushed again but she looked very pleased, which was what Lauren had intended. Gushing was just flattery. This was better.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 27

Regular work resumed for everyone and Bo went off in the cab called for her but Lauren continued to marvel about this whole episode all day. It was still on her mind the next day when she stopped for a break, stepped out of her consulting room and almost bumped into Bo. Again.

This time the succubus was uncomplainingly mopping up some spillage on the floor.

She saw Lauren's surprise and said, "It's not convenient for anyone else to do this just now and I didn't think you'd want the hazard remaining for long."

Lauren spent a couple of seconds convincing herself of what she was seeing and then smiled gratefully. "I thought you were on a case."

"I am," Bo confirmed. "But it's Kenzi's turn for stakeout right now. I had a few hours free. Kenzi's gonna come by later too when we change over; she wants to say hi."

"You keep doing this and we're gonna have to pay you," Lauren joked.

"Oh, Kenzi'll take payment in doughnuts, I imagine," Bo said. "I don't need to be paid. It's sort of rewarding. Does my heart good. Show me where to go with this?" She gestured at the bucket.

Kenzi did come after Bo had left for her turn at stake out and gave Lauren a hug so tight and so long that the doctor was left in no doubt about her sincerity. She had also, wonder of wonders, brought a box of the aforementioned doughnuts and proceeded to ingratiate herself with the staff with their help, allowing Lauren first pick after the doctor had sworn with her hand on her heart and her most serious poker face that she would never, ever call the goth 'sweet' again.

Dyson came by the next day and registered, asking specifically for Lauren to be his doctor. In her consulting room, he smiled at her as she prepared to take the base line readings that were the basis of preliminary patient care.

"Nuh-uh." He shook his head.

"'Nuh-uh?' What are you, twelve?"

"You can do that tomorrow. First we do shots, just you and me. Tonight. If you're free."

"You want to get me drunk and then have me assess you medically when I'm hungover? That, to you, is a good idea?"

He grinned. " I'm only talking a coupla shots. I'm not buying you enough to get you drunk so if you do end up hungover, it'll be on your own dime."

"Your generosity is overwhelming."

"Ah, come on, Lauren, don't be a wuss," he wheedled. "It'll take an hour, tops. Promise."

"If you're expecting me to say something hideous like 'them's fightin' words', you'll be waiting a long time."

"Lauren."

They smiled at each other and Lauren gave in. He probably felt he owed her for Taft's and one had to be gracious about receiving thanks.

However when they settled down at 8pm in the quiet back courtyard of a bar whose owner Dyson knew, he didn't say anything about that to start with. Instead, he put the shots to one side and looked at her soberly.

"Lauren, this isn't about anything to do with you and Bo. You're both adults and you know what you want and what's best for you."

Since it hadn't even occurred to her to think this was about Bo and her to begin with, Lauren was appropriately mystified.

"This is just about you and me," he went on. "Ah done done you wrong, doc, and mama Dyson's li'l boy is sorry."

Lauren blinked. After a long pause, she said, looking a little green, "That's a dreadful attempt at, what is it, Southern American?" She shuddered theatrically. "I'll forgive you anything if you'll just please stop."

"Seriously."

"I _am_ serious. My ears hurt just from that two-second sample."

"Lauren, I am trying to apologise for having been a tool to you from the time Bo came into town."

Lauren sipped her glass of water. "Not that I'm not happy about that, Dyson, but I have to wonder what's brought this on."

He sighed. "Lauren, I'm not the best man around. Everyone knows that. I've been selfish and somewhat mercenary for a good part of my past, and given it's a long, long past, that's a lot of bad thinking habits right there and it's not something I can easily change. But I'm trying. And the reason I'm trying is that a while ago, Bo gave me a well-placed kick in the nether regions, and she was right. She didn't tell me to do this; I decided to apologise on my own but the impetus to do it came from the realisations that kick brought on. Think of this as part of my twelve-or-however-many step rehab programme. The thanks for what you did at Taft's lab come next but I owe you more than shots for that."

Lauren groaned. "I wasn't particularly mature in my responses to you, which hardly put a damper on our mutual ass-ishness. But fine, you've apologised and now I'm apologising too and I'm willing to accept for now that you mean it and to see how it goes. I'm starting afresh with Bo and I guess I can do no less with you." They looked at each other earnestly for a minute then she smiled. "Are the shots to seal the deal? Can we get on to them now? All this unaccustomed mawkishness needs to be drowned in the good stuff."

He chuckled and pulled the shot glasses in front of them.

...

Much to Lauren's surprise, though once again she was too gracious to say so, Bo and Kenzi became something like dependable appendages to the clinic. They simply appeared now and then to help out when case work permitted, doing menial work or standing in at reception to free up the trained staff for other things or bringing in meals if that was all that was wanted. The clinic had a capable janitorial staff but even they couldn't be everywhere at once and in a medical facility, everyone took the attitude that there was no such thing as too much cleaning so when Bo and Kenzi took it upon themselves to make sure the break room at least was spic and span, as well as cleaning up any mess they happened to come across elsewhere in the clinic, not even the janitors begrudged them this. The staff knew to call Bo if there was a difficult patient to control and for some reason a sedative was contra-indicated. Under her influence, even the most intractable complainers would eat what was on their trays with lamblike docility instead of flinging it at the orderlys and generally raising hell. Kenzi could be counted on to bicker most satisfactorily with patients like cranky old Mrs Rabinowitz, who would submit to any procedure so long as she was pleasurably occupied trading snark for hugely enjoyable snark with the cheerfully cheeky Russian.

The day that Lauren found out that the two intrepid investigators had learned to make hospital corners from youtube, she went home and cried.

She had been a bit confused, wondering why they were doing this. The cynic in her, after years of only being asked for help while being offered almost none in return, had wondered if all this was a temporary suck-up just to make sure they were in her good graces for whatever reason, and waited for that reason to manifest itself. But now it was apparent that they had been so determined to be of real help that they had prepared themselves, determined enough that they hadn't let their lack of formal higher education stand in their way. This wasn't a token gesture of showing willing. There was no reason for them to have gone to these lengths just as a gesture. There was no reason for them to have done this unless they meant with all their hearts to demonstrate that the support that came with their friendship did not in fact go only one way. They wanted as much she did for the clinic to be a success so that it would continue providing her with the professional life she wanted. She was so touched she hardly knew what to do with herself, hence the tears, happy ones this time.

And the longer the two of them persisted, the more she was persuaded this wasn't just a flash in the pan, the more chinks in her armour started developing apace.

The trend did persist. Bo didn't hang out at the Dal these days so much as she seemed to hang out at the clinic. She still consulted with Lauren on her cases sometimes, and Lauren would find a flower or an apple on her desk every so often, but frequently Bo would arrive without drawing Lauren's attention. The doctor would come upon her trying to cheer up a depressed patient, doing one humble task or another, or just napping on the couch in the break room while Kenzi challenged staff on a break to kill robot hookers on the TV monitor with relish aforethought. Sometimes she would hear from staff that Bo had come and gone without her even knowing the succubus had been there, and Bo or Kenzi would drop by in the evenings with little treats for anyone pulling overtime even if they weren't Lauren.

This didn't happen all the time of course. Bo was still busy with cases coming in as her reputation continued to grow. She still spent time with Trick, usually applying her special brand of scapegrace irritation which left him torn between wanting to shake her and wanting to laugh his socks off, and Kenzi would faithfully report it all to Lauren (and Mrs Rabinowitz) as an ongoing source of hilarity. But it happened enough that Lauren ceased to be surprised to find Bo there, and the staff began to treat her and the goth something like mascots, respectfully of course, but with genuine affection. The clinic became a place that all of the staff and their two regular adjuncts found warm and welcoming despite its serious business.

Dyson would stop in just in case they needed help with traffic flow outside the clinic, seeing to it himself if they did. Hale came too and apologised, hat in hand, for his high-handedness towards her which had triggered her flight from the Light. Thereafter he offered his abilities as an alternative sedating influence or for wound cauterization if normal methods couldn't be used. One of them might end up playing cards with a bored patient or buying coffees for the staff. None of them would accept any reward for services rendered or even let her make a fuss of them, and since she had started helping on police cases again, it all felt very ... organic. Now when she was among them all, she no longer felt like a helpless only adult among a bunch of unruly adolescents. Instead it seemed to her like the way things ought always to have been.

Weeks passed in this way.

When Dyson and Hale impudently moved a foosball table into the break room and stood by grinning at her flustered but pleased reaction, she knew they were there for the long haul.

Shortly afterwards, the day came when, on arriving at work, she found that a minor car parking boo-boo had created a small traffic jam outside the clinic and looked round _expecting_ to see Dyson or Hale or a patrolman they had sent dealing with it. She found Hale there and they waved at each other, and she realised as she did so that her mind had ceased to be allergic to trusting in others. She was beginning to trust in them all and she suspected strongly that Bo, their social spearhead, was somehow, even if just by example, the ringleader of this collective change of heart and behaviour. The succubus wasn't vainglorious enough to admit any such thing so Lauren didn't ask, but another chink in her armour was formed.

Having them all around regularly also made it possible for Lauren to see that Bo and Dyson's interactions were definitely platonic now, and that Bo's special melting devoted look was reserved for her and her alone. As its sole recipient, the meaning behind it was no longer ambiguous. So Lauren knew what Bo wanted without having to be told explicitly and she appreciated greatly that the succubus was not relying on their mutual physical attraction, however powerful it might be, as a persuasive factor. It hadn't, after all, been capable of sustaining their coupledom before.

Something important had shifted inside the doctor over those weeks. Her longstanding deep-seated resignation to having no long term prospects for love or family had previously been held in temporary abeyance only for the few months of qualified bliss she'd had with Bo, but now that resignation was becoming less concrete. Lauren wasn't sure it was a good thing for her just-mended psyche to have hope but it wasn't as if she could help it.

Two things now occupied her mind.

First, what she hadn't told anyone yet was that she believed Kitring had been right about the effect of the torc, although in an aspect that probably hadn't been on his mind. She had noticed that when Bo was near, she no longer experienced the slightly foggy unreal sense that used to accompany her sexual attraction to the succubus. The attraction was as strong as ever and she still felt that supernatural spinal tingle. But previously, Lauren had had to stuff her nose with mentholated ointment so the pheromone haze was somewhat manageable when she had to work with Bo close by; she didn't have to do that anymore. Now she felt a very human sort of attraction that had no unnatural effect on her, as if the torc somehow reduced the effect on her of Bo's abnormal pheromone output to one that corresponded to a very high human level but no more. Bo couldn't help her pheromone production, which was probably one of the things the chi she needed was expended on. That aside, she would never have dreamed of using her powers to Lauren's disadvantage, and Lauren had always trusted her implicitly in this, but she had been _conscious_ of it, of Bo holding back. And no one as independent as Lauren could like a partner having to do this for her sake, or conversely, fail to recognise what those powers could do if Bo ever felt like insisting on things being done the way she preferred, if she got too impatient with Lauren wanting to draw things out, for example. She never had and Lauren had always particularly liked this generosity and restraint in her, but in some way the fact that now she never could was freeing to them both.

Bo would still have her fae strength and her long life and Lauren was still human, but when they were private together, the torc ensured that she and Bo would relate to each other not as human and succubus but as two humans. Lauren's mischievous streak made her wonder how Bo would react to this, but she knew Bo well enough to be fairly certain that the succubus, so far from minding, would probably gleefully welcome the challenge of reducing Lauren to putty without any supernatural advantages at all. And Bo would no longer have to be so careful and so worried all the time about hurting her.

But that was putting the cart before the horse. Previously, Bo had been all assiduous attention too, just in a different way, until they became a couple when all of that had changed. Maybe it would again if Bo got what she wanted and started taking it for granted once more. Even the cynical part of Lauren was gradually being persuaded that this was now unlikely: so far being friends was working out well; the give-and-take really seemed mutual this time round, at least on the professional front. There was a stronger foundation for believing that Bo would be as constant and as giving on the personal level too. Lauren wasn't reflexively flinching anymore, but she had learned to be careful. So while she wasn't quite ready for more than friendship just yet, she _was_ ready to consider it and to work towards it.

Which brought her to the second thing on her mind: she was presently in a condition to talk about the things Bo wanted to talk about. She was no longer fearful of the pain of reliving the past. Her current reluctance to initiate it stemmed solely from the feeling that it seemed somehow so ... _irrelevant_ now. It had been the better part of a year since Taft's, two to three months since their reunion, and Bo was already showing every day not just that she knew where she'd gone wrong before but that she understood how wrong it had been.

Maybe the previous relationship _had_ been a mistake but still a necessary one on the way to where they were now as the people they were today, both much different, better, and better off, than before. Did the question of whether Bo had or hadn't really loved her then really matter when she was doing a bang-up job of convincing Lauren that she loved her now? For all these weeks _without_ sex, the natural language of a succubus?

Where Bo had been a well-intentioned person who had made a lot of mistakes, she now made far fewer mistakes because she tried hard every minute of every day and never let up. From general gossip and by implication from things that Kenzi and Bo talked about, it was apparent to Lauren that Bo was gaining respect daily from the people she dealt with, not just for her powers and abilities and principles which represented what she could and would do for people, but also simply for the whole person she was now whether she did anything for them or not. Lauren was so proud of her that if she'd put it into words, she'd have sounded like a ditzy fan club president, so she didn't. Bo deserved the dignity of proper respect, not to be fawned over as if Lauren were some undiscerning idiot. So she didn't pander or flatter. She showed her respect instead, in how she talked to Bo and conducted herself with her.

It was precisely considerations like this that made Lauren feel that, while her problems with the relationship in the past had most certainly not been petty, bringing up the old list of complaints now _would_ be petty, maybe even a little spiteful. Even when her concerns had been live, her refined sensitivities had instinctively balked at the whole idea of calling Bo to an accounting, as it were, and she'd said as much to Kitring. In future she must not let the laundry list accumulate but insist on discussing anything troubling as soon as possible. For now, resuming their relationship would only be feasible if they were clear and in consensus about the sensitive issues once and for all , but couldn't that, _shouldn't_ that be done in a more graceful way, in keeping with the dignity they had each earned by living their lives the hard way? Bo was doing all the right things consistently: this could only be because her head was in the right place now, and Lauren was sure no one knew exactly how much unseen thought, humility and effort that must have cost; it was yet another reason to treat Bo's self-respect with care.

Bo had been keeping her feeding well away from Lauren's work, spending enough time at the clinic left over after her own work and Trick-time that by implication, Lauren was quite certain that at times, if not always, the feeding must be almost direfully efficient. Where before the doctor in her had known it as a necessary evil, it was now just ... necessary.

Just to be sure, she tested her own bullshit meter.

...

...

Nope, even if they were in a relationship right now, Lauren was sure that (A) having done it twice, she wasn't going to allow herself to a be martyr for love again and (B) the knowledge that Bo had to feed, that Bo did feed, wouldn't hurt if Bo kept being discreet and also being convincing about the divide between feeding and feelings. Lauren wasn't kidding herself.

She had noticed the occasional pinched look on Bo's face in the mornings, which went to her heart each time, though the succubus never talked about her feeds. The last time she'd seen it, Lauren had recalled Kitring's skepticism about succubus feeding. Well then, she would start by doing something important for Bo, and that would get the ball rolling, get a conversation started over the next little while that would be both spoken and unspoken, and those sensitive issues would over that time come up one by one and be dealt with ... gracefully. And this important thing was something Lauren would have done anyway, so it would be a thing without being a Big Production, but Bo would realise all the same what it meant that Lauren wasn't going to be gritting her teeth anymore about a succubus's need to feed.

She would beard the lion in its den. Yes, get the ball rolling, it was time.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 28

When Bo was ushered into Lauren's consulting room by a friendly nurse, she was surprised to see the doctor behind her desk with her hands folded and her grave professional mien firmly in place. Bo gamely took the patient's seat across from her and waited.

"Bo, I've begun to think there are things about your biology that I haven't understood correctly or at least thoroughly," Lauren began. "I think it could be important enough that we should pay attention and try to suss them out properly. Is that OK?"

"Sure," Bo said nervously. She was hoping against hope it wasn't about feeding. She didn't want Lauren to be reminded of what her life entailed.

"There isn't anything alarming, Bo. Don't be worried," Lauren soothed. "We're just trying to understand things better for the future. Remember there aren't exactly species specific textbooks on fae biology. We're just going to make sure that going forward you can be certain of what you need and don't need, what you ought and ought not to do for optimum health." She smiled encouragingly so that Bo settled into calm.

"Go ahead."

"OK, you remember the Lich?"

Bo grimaced. "Who could forget?"

Lauren leaned forward, "Bo, when you took chi from him and his undead, none of them was sexually aroused."

Bo stared. "Yeah... "

"But you also remember that you healed from the Lich's gunshot anyway."

Bo nodded. "Lauren, I did think about that. But I wasn't me, remember? I wasn't conscious until it was over. I can't do that to order whenever I want."

Lauren shook her head. "We'll come to that in a minute but it isn't the immediate issue. Until now, you've either pulsed your feeds to get them aroused even if you don't have sex with them or you've fed during sex when your feed is aware of your needs and consents to you taking their chi so you don't have to pulse them. All of us thought that you needed sexual chi. But right from the time of the Lich, we've actually had reason to believe that chi will work for you even if it isn't sexual. I didn't think of this until recently because we were understandably focussed on the blue-eyed persona. But if you healed from the gunshot, it means that chi is just chi. In any circumstances, it'll work on you just as it works on everyone else, which is why Dyson was revived after your Dawning, when none of us present were sexually aroused either at the time you took our chi for him."

Bo inhaled sharply, then went absolutely still.

"You see why this could be important?"

Vigorous nod.

Lauren continued calmly, as if she were discussing the weather instead of a lifechanging matter for her patient. "Bo, when people gear up for a fight, or when they're involved in physical exertion or absorbed in something they're enthusiastic about, adrenaline and endorphins are at work. They make us feel more alive, just like sexual arousal does. More alive means more chi. I think the reason succubi and incubi are engineered the way they are is because the sexual response is a _predictable_ way to get more chi from a single source. You can't know if the next stranger you come across might be excited about hockey, say, or stamp collecting, but you _can_ predict that within a wide age range they'd be excited about sex. Your pulsing power exists to elicit that predictable response, and of course to subdue your prey so it doesn't resist or hurt you. A fae who was excited about winning a lottery, for example, could have as much chi as a sexually excited one. If they weren't willing to give any away, a less principled succubus would only need to use her powers to make that fae compliant and then she could get the amount of chi she would from a sexual feed. In short, succubus feeding has got nothing to do with sexual chi being different from other chi because it isn't different. Not in quality. There's just more."

The doctor smiled gently at Bo's poleaxed expression. "So chi from people who aren't excited, sexually or otherwise, should work for you even though you wouldn't be able to get a lot from them. It'd be like getting a spoonful of rice when you need a whole plate. But it still gives you important options, Bo. It means that people who are friendly but not naturally attracted to you, people in committed relationships, could give you a bit of chi without getting into a difficult position, without you having to pulse them. When you subdued the human security guard at the basilisk lab, you weren't aroused yourself so we know you don't need that to activate the mechanics of feeding. Therefore no one has to spend the time required for sex. You could walk right up to anyone consenting in the middle of a working day, duck behind a wall for five seconds and get a little chi from them without tiring them out much. All you'd need would be people who are kindly disposed towards you. It means if one night there's no one at the Dal you want to feed from because they're all manky or dodgy, you don't have to resort to them. You can pop out to your friends the next day and get a little from each one until you're OK. You might have to travel round town to each of them, of course, and you might need a lot of contributors to make up the quantity plus you'd use up energy getting from one contributor to the next. That could take all day and it's not efficient. It could leave you with no time for work. So I'm not saying you must; I'm saying you can. You just have to try it so we know if I'm right."

In her excitement Bo got up and paced. Ideas were forming in her agile mind. She wanted to establish a regular cadre of feeds who were convenient but she also couldn't just be taking and taking chi from friends every day and not give them something in return. People like Dyson, Hale, Lise and Kristin would probably agree in exchange for being given lunch or dinner once a week and Bo had other friends or grateful clients who might help out now and then, but it didn't sound like that would be enough.

"Lauren, can I run something by you? Just a for instance, not a real thing."

"Of course."

"Just suppose, hypothetically, that I worked here at the clinic, maybe as an orderly or something. If I were to negotiate for less pay but for the staff to all be willing to give me a little chi each day that I come to work, would that be fair? Viable commercially, I mean. Could it be acceptable to fae employers or clients?"

Lauren nodded slowly. "I think so, Bo. You said this was hypothetical. What do you really have in mind?"

"I'm not sure yet. But my work is dangerous and it's not predictable when cases will come in. What if I were to do something else more regular, that wasn't so dangerous? I'd require less chi and I wouldn't have to heal as often. And if I could take part payment in chi? That would be fair, right?"

Lauren's smile was warm. "Bo, you could certainly try. It's not as if you'd be asking for something unreasonable, not if you're only going for a little a day from each person, maybe once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Especially if the work involves being around enough people who could fairly be in on the deal so you could get enough. So you shouldn't work with a whole lot of clients who're pregnant or ill, for example, or children, otherwise you'd still have to feed normally at least some of the time."

Bo settled back in her chair. "So wait a minute. What about the sex part?" She wasn't going to pussyfoot around now. Lauren had given her the courage to take the bull by the horns. The tone of this whole conversation had stopped her being afraid that the doctor would wilt at the mere mention of her having sex with others.

"Well, remember that we need to test that this part is correct first. But if it is, and I think it is, then it means you don't need sex to _get_ chi in small amounts. Biologically, that could mean the sex serves some other purpose. Apart from that instance with the Lich when you went blue-eyed, you've always needed sex to heal when you're badly injured, right? And it's got to be with a fae if it's just one person you're healing with?"

Bo nodded.

"But here's the thing. There's a limit to how much chi you can get from one person, even if they're fae, without killing them, however excited they are. You already feed ordinarily from fae when you're not injured. So when you _are_ injured, it can't be a question of getting more chi just because you need more, not if the tank is of fixed capacity," Lauren went on. Her gaze turned inwards.

Bo looked at her with anticipation. The doctor was in 'the zone'. This was promising.

"... So the Lich incident indicates that you can heal with lots of chi from multiple sources and no sex, but normally, healing can't be a question of needing more chi than your single feed can produce. You might need more than for regular feeding but the amount you need is still within the limit of what a single fae can produce ... but if you can't get more than that from that one fae and it's still enough with sex, that must mean ... the sex somehow multiplies the effect of that limited volume of chi. It _must_ have to do with the way your physiology absorbs or utilises the chi. It's the only logical conclusion ... Hmmm ... maybe it activates certain fae organs to metabolize ..."

"Are you saying," Bo interrupted, hardly daring to hope, "that I don't have to have sex with whoever I get chi from? Not just for regular feeding but even when I need to heal?"

Lauren started a little and then began blinking rapidly. Bo knew what this meant. Lauren hadn't considered that but she was rapidly readjusting her train of thought. She waited on tenterhooks.

"I think ... I think you're right," Lauren said in wonder. "Although if you were far away somewhere when you're injured, you'd still have to resort to whoever's nearby if you want to get home under your own steam. But in normal circumstances, yes."

They looked at each other with a wild surmise, silent within a room in Toronto.

Then before Bo could actually put her question into words, Lauren said quietly, "You can't be totally monogamous sexually 100% of the time, Bo. Not as a guaranteed thing. You can establish a system, between friends and working for part payment in chi, that would mean you could be much of the time. But it would be an elaborate system and people can have emergencies or just be lazy and not show up when you need their contribution. Or as I said, you could be injured far away and need to heal. The regular way you feed now is efficient because it's biologically meant to be and it has to be your fallback. A human who is vegetarian has to go to certain lengths to ensure they get everything that meat would provide nutritionally. That's a system too. What if that vegetarian gets marooned somewhere where there is nothing edible that doesn't contain meat, or the vegetables weren't of a variety that would allow them to maintain good health? For long enough that they'd die if they didn't eat meat?"

She held Bo's eyes steadily. "Systems can and do fail and you'd have to be prepared for that. It wouldn't necessarily be _your_ failing. At the end of day, your health must be the first priority because what you can do depends on it. In airplane emergencies, you always put your oxygen mask on first before attending to anyone else, even your own child. This would be exactly the same principle."

Nothing could dampen Bo's sudden good cheer. She could make a promise. Not a guarantee, but she could make a proper promise to try not to have sex with anyone else. She could discuss with Lauren whatever system she would put in place. And the light was back in Lauren's eyes when she looked at Bo, despite the fact that it was the doctor herself who telling Bo that she couldn't give guarantees. Bo wanted to celebrate, but Lauren wasn't finished.

"Now, back to the Lich. You said you weren't conscious when we were with him. What about when you came out of the Dawning?"

Bo shook her head. "It wasn't quite the same. I remember feeling upset and panicked when I first got out of the Temple. I wasn't even totally sure I _was_ out. It was different from the Lich because I didn't faint and I was sort of present through it all, but it was like I was watching what I did without willing myself to do it. So when I was fully myself again I knew what I'd done, not like with the Lich when you had to tell me. I guess I was conscious but not in control." She looked down, still feeling bad about taking Lauren's chi to save Dyson. But Lauren didn't seem to be troubled about that as she pressed on.

"Kenzi said you've gone blue-eyed since then but now you're in control?"

"Kenzi has a big mouth," Bo grumbled.

"Never mind that," Lauren said absently. "She didn't tell me the circumstances anyway, just mentioned it in passing. Is she correct?"

"Yeah, but I don't see ..."

"I do!" It was Lauren's turn to interrupt in her excitement. "Bo, what if the Dawning changed you and the change didn't kick in all at once, but gradually? Now that time has passed maybe the process is complete. Maybe the Dawning gave you control of that part of yourself and now the blue eyes are just a symptom, or rather a visible sign, of the fae parts of your physiology that enable you to get chi from many sources from a distance becoming active, usable ... You might be able to do that at will after all. All you'd have to do is get into that state. Can you feel it when you do? When your eyes change?"

"Yeah," Bo said reluctantly. "I mean, not the eyes, but I know when I'm in that state."

Lauren waited as Bo had known with dread she would.

She shifted uncomfortably and looked away.

"Does it happen when you're aroused?" Lauren asked gently.

Bo nodded.

"That's fine, Bo. Don't feel bad. This is a good thing, don't you see? That you can do it whenever you want, whenever you need to? It's a huge tactical advantage. It would significantly reduce the possibility of you getting hurt. I know you won't want to do it for regular feeding: it's inconsiderate to do that to others without asking, and it could tire them out enough so afterwards they maybe couldn't fight an attacker off or save their kid from an accident or something, but to have it as a defensive option would be tremendous. You might hardly ever have to heal again."

It _was_ tremendous, but Bo wasn't about to admit that she had to think about Lauren in bed to get to that state. She was certain she'd get slapped for that kind of presumptuous perving when they weren't in a relationship, or at least she'd deserve it.

"I'm not going to be intrusive," Lauren smiled at her reassuringly. "I'm just going to suggest an experiment. I know the staff will be willing to help. They like you."

"What experiment?" Bo was nervous.

"We put you in a room with a window and several volunteers. One of us will be watching from outside with a dart gun and enough tranqs to bring down a horse and then some. You do what you need to do inside your mind to get into that state and see if you can draw chi from the volunteers in the room without going near them. If it works, you try to stop at will. If you can't stop, whoever's outside will shoot tranqs at you until you go down and everyone will be safe. You might have a bit of a headache from the sedative when you wake up, not to mention a sore butt, but then you can go feed in the regular way and anyway, it would be worth it to find out for certain, right?"

Bo glowed. "You'd all do that for me?"

"Of course, Bo. Everyone here likes you. They'd all be willing to help. Several of them have asked if there's anything they can do for you, you know. You help us all so much. We can start right now with the feeding from unexcited people experiment and then if that works, move on the room experiment."

Bo was elated. She didn't know if Lauren's theories were right, but Lauren didn't make guesses based on nothing, and if she _was_ right, Bo had a whole different future possible from what she had thought it would be.

Chapter 29

"Dr Lewis, I am going away for a while," the Morrigan announced. "Europe and South America are calling for my inimitable style. They are sadly forlorn so it will be a long trip."

Lauren waited to hear the reason why she had been summoned from the clinic to be told this.

"Still, someone must run the day-to-day administration of the Dark. _I_ certainly won't be able to."

They looked at each other, Lauren uncomprehendingly, Evony rather wickedly. The Morrigan let the silence stretch as her lips curved into a smile Lauren didn't like at all.

"Dr Lauren Lewis, you are appointed Regent of the Dark for the time being!" she announced with a flourish.

Lauren gaped at her.

"What?! _Why_?" Her voice had gone shrill.

"Because you don't want the job. You'll probably hate it actually." There was relish in Evony's devious grin. "Consider it my revenge."

"You've run mad!" Lauren said with more hope than conviction, because Evony was sitting there looking distressingly smug, composed and most of all rational.

"Evony, I'm not fae. What about my work? Your …. your powers?" Panic was rising.

"In the medical and scientific field, you will continue to work on the restoration project only. Everything else is to be farmed out to someone else until I return."

"How long will that _be_?" Lauren almost wailed.

"Not sure yet," Evony was plainly enjoying her stress and for a moment Lauren shelved her lifelong policy of non-violence and seriously fantasized about slapping her for this _schadenfreude_.

"How can you expect the fae to even accept this?"

"They will. You'll be regarded simply as my mouthpiece. Stop worrying." Although that grin was telling Lauren to worry. A lot. "There's precedent for this. The previous Morrigan but one left her Ward as Regent all the time when she wanted a dirty weekend."

"A weekend is quite different from an extended absence. And I've never done administrative work. I'm not even familiar with Dark business. Or any business, come to that."

"Indeed." The Morrigan clapped her hands together in satisfaction. "Then it will be a salutary learning experience for you. I will be reachable by Skype and email and phone. However I won't take it kindly if all that means is that the duties that should be carried out here are transported over the ether to my location. I'm to be consulted and consulted ONLY. I won't have time for everything. So buck up, Lewis, and saddle up. You have two hours to re-assign your current work. Then you're spending the rest of the day right here and tomorrow I'll be gone and you'll be working in here alone."

Crap crap crappity crap. Lauren's mind was in a tizzy as she rushed back to her clinic, the back of her shirt dampening with the sweat of panic and hurry. Evony was serious but this wasn't just out of left field. It was out of outer space. How on earth had it even occurred to Evony at all? Of all the unlikeliest, most unsuitable candidates for the post of Regent ... surely _any_ Dark fae would be a better choice ...

...

Three weeks into it Lauren still hadn't forgiven Evony for this outrage.

She'd figured out why Evony had done it though. Choosing a Dark fae as Regent meant a possible threat to Evony as the Morrigan if the Regent did a good job. Lauren could never be a threat to Evony's position. If she performed well, she would enhance it. If she didn't, Evony could still appoint another Regent to replace her. Lauren briefly toyed with the idea of purposely doing a bad job so that she might be sent back to the clinic or insisting on it with the implied back-up of the torc to protect her, but then she guessed that Evony's fertile mind would be able to inflict some unholy non-physical retaliation she wouldn't like, and besides her own natural instincts wouldn't allow it. Quite apart from the fact Evony could withdraw funding for the clinic, she owed Evony and she owed the Dark. They had given her a home, helped her recovery just by being what they were. They would not get less than her best.

She was already quite a good hand with numbers and dotting i's and crossing t's since scientific work required her to be careful and methodical, so the purely logistical administrative stuff, while time-consuming, wasn't stressful to do once she'd sorted out the highways and byways of Dark bureaucracy.

The part of the work that had to do with business didn't come naturally but Evony had been a great help as a consultant and Lauren wasn't one who learned empirically. Each lesson she learned was applied further and built upon so that soon she had begun to feel more secure with the commercial approach and had fewer and fewer questions for which Evony's input was needed.

The hardest part of the work was politics and strategy. Lauren wasn't a poor hand at strategy. She'd lost at Risk and chess to Evony not because she wasn't good but because Evony was superb and very experienced. The doctor proceeded by logic which could be plodding but was also reliable. However, the political agendas of the Dark fae could be so petty, so unpredictable and so outrageous that her mind would boggle and logic seemed almost irrelevant. Wanting wealth and power was to be expected but seriously, consumables that enhanced sexual performance? Fertilized plovers' eggs for the dinner table? A reserved car parking space closer to the underground entrance than a rival's? Lauren's tidy mind instinctively classified these as trivial matters the fae could deal with by the by at a lower level of bureaucracy; she might have understood though not sympathized with this. However they turned out to be the agenda behind plots of the most intricate kind by families of the highest social status, and were taken no less seriously by the fae than competition for actual wealth and power. So in fact Lauren's greatest trial was refraining from throwing them out of her office after she'd spent hours working out what it was parties to a dispute might really want, which was never what they _said_ they wanted in the first place.

She really missed the clinic and its attached lab.

Still, Evony had been right about the Dark not despising humans as the Light did and its relevance to Lauren came even more to the fore. Everyone was informal, offhand or even downright rude but they all treated each other the same way. She wasn't singled out for different treatment from anyone else. She was actually relieved by this because no one (including herself) could blame the faes' behaviour on her not having people management skills. Beyond that, it felt like the Dark fae simply accepted her as one of their own. The advantage of being accepted as one of a bunch of people a large proportion of whom were homicidal was debatable, but she _could_ say it was a feeling she had never believed would be possible for her while among the fae.

So on the days when she wasn't channelling Jean-Luc Picard so as to deal somewhat sanely with the pointless political machinations that might otherwise have driven her to distraction, she was reasonably contented ploughing through paperwork and between times, longing for her clinic.

Until she started reading an incident report one day. It concerned an inpatient at the Greenriver Sanatorium who had attempted to break out the day before, causing a considerable amount of property damage and one death – an overzealous orderly had tried to detain her by force. When Lauren came to the part of the incident report that detailed the orderly's cause of death as 'forcible over-extraction of life force', she bolted upright in her chair.

The patient was a succubus named Aoife McCorrigan.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 30

Bo watched with amusement as Kenzi wrote with what she'd sworn was a sharpie with washable ink on the back of a bus shelter:

'Vandals are bad

Vandals are criminals

Vandals should be punished

Vandals must caught first ...'

The little goth had argued that suppressing her klepto tendencies meant she sometimes needed a harmless outlet and had promised to wash it off after a day or so.

As they strolled away with a air of nonchalance, Kenzi nudged her. "Isn't it great that Lauren's no.2 in the Dark? Go team Human!"

Bo smiled. Anyone wishing to get rid of Evony would have to attack Evony personally. Trying anything with Lauren wouldn't just be pointless physically because of the torc, about which most of the Dark knew now, it would be pointless politically.

"She misses being a doctor," Bo confided as she started the car.

She had been half-dreading, half-anticipating Lauren's signal initiating the 'talk', but Lauren hadn't given any such signal. Instead, after the discussion on Bo's feeding needs, she'd begun talking to Bo about a lot of things that weren't about them but which had 'incidentally' included issues which Bo knew must have concerned her in the past about their relationship.

For example, they had discussed marriage as an institution and its value when de facto partners were recognized by law because there'd been an editorial on it in the paper. The discussion had wound its way round to polyamorous unions as a natural extension of the subject and Lauren had said offhandedly with unchanged manner and voice, "You know, it all seems perfectly possible to me, just very difficult because someone can easily feel a bit left out or relationships between individuals get strained and then affect everybody ... But as much as I can conceive of it, I don't think I'd ever want to be in one myself." She'd said this firmly but not looked up, concentrating instead on doctoring her coffee.

Bo understood immediately what Lauren was doing and had received this conversational ball in her court with all the care she might have taken with live explosives. She had said truthfully, "I can't either. Lise and Kristin knew succubi who had them but after hearing a few of their horror stories, I wouldn't consider it. And anyway, ..." she'd paused delicately, "I can only see myself loving one person like that." And she had looked at Lauren right then, hoping her expression was meaningful rather than just besotted.

And that had been that. The conversation had moved on.

Lauren was, of course, sparing her any humiliation for her past mistakes but beyond her initial rush of gratitude for this kindness, Bo hadn't known what to think or feel. Did it mean that Lauren wasn't going to give her an opportunity to apologise and be forgiven? Or that Lauren had already forgiven her? What should she do now?

Kenzi had been as baffled as she, so a week after the feeding discussion, the two of them, after some googling and experimentation, had baked an apple pie and trundled over to the Dal with this bribe for the input of the most mature and experienced person they knew. Well, yes, so it was blatant but given that they'd never offered Trick anything in the past for the information he provided, they were still doing better at the friendship thing than they had been. Trick had chuckled at the slightly sunken pie crust but he'd cut them all slices and it had been tasty and he hadn't lost his good humour when they'd told him they wanted advice.

So they had explained the situation fully as he steepled his fingers, leaned back thoughtfully and looked reassuringly wise. Then they had waited for what seemed a long time as he ordered his mind.

At last he'd nodded to himself and looked up. "I think I do understand. Some people might derive satisfaction from having you apologise but I'm not surprised that Lauren isn't like that. I think in her present circumstances she's too secure in herself to feel any need to see either of you humbled after you've worked so hard on your own to correct your mistakes. You've both apologised by your actions and you continue to prosecute a two-way friendship, so she already knows you've identified where you went wrong and that you're sorry. I think it would embarrass her if you tried to apologise verbally, as if you thought she was so petty as to need that now, after all you've done and continue to do. What she wants to know now, Bo, is what you will and won't do in the future. She's going about it like this because she knows your dignity, yours too, Kenzi, is important to you. It's not a bad thing to learn by example, that if you care about someone, whether as a friend or something more, you guard their dignity as much as you can, as you would your own."

Both Bo and Kenzi had nodded solemnly, absorbing this. Trick had continued, "I know you young people are all about the big gestures, like swooping in to save people's lives. And yes, that's a part of nobility and heroism, and I'm proud of you both for what you do, but it's still only a part. These small quiet everyday decisions, not just about what to do, but how to do it and why, they can mark a person's quality just as clearly if you only know how to look."

"What do I do, Trick?" Bo had asked, feeling a bit overwhelmed and out of her depth.

"You don't take advantage of her generosity," Trick had replied promptly. "It'd be a poor return for it if you were less than honest, Bo. So don't just give her the answers you think she wants to hear because you want her to take you back. You have to take the chance that the new you still isn't what she wants, because if you don't, some way into the future when she finds out the hard way that you haven't been honest, you might not even have a friendship left to salvage."

To Bo's worried look, he'd said encouragingly, "If Lauren weren't going to bother with you as more than a friend, she wouldn't be going to this sort of trouble with these conversations ... I'm just guessing, of course, but I'd lay good money that I'm right."

So Bo had gone back to her conversations with Lauren with renewed hope, resolving to return Lauren's kindness and grace in equal measure as best she could, even if she didn't have Lauren's kind of sophisticated generosity.

Sexual monogamy for Bo might have been a touchy subject but it hadn't been Lauren's biggest problem with their previous relationship to begin with, so the fact that it still couldn't be guaranteed now wasn't a stumbling block to them getting back together. Bo understood that it was these other things they were talking about that mattered more to Lauren, that would tell her whether Bo was likely once again to take too much advantage of her fae nature or be a tool in ways that had nothing to do with being fae.

It would have been ridiculous for Bo to say that she didn't enjoy sex with other people. A succubus was built to love sex in order to survive and thrive. Even humans enjoyed sex outside of a committed relationship or the annals of history and literature wouldn't be filled with stories of adultery. If Bo had attempted to deny it, she wouldn't just have been dishonest; she would have so blatantly dishonest that Lauren would rightly have concluded that she was just being pandered to. Bo had to find the right balance between being unashamed of being a succubus, which she knew Lauren had always wanted for her, and not being so indulgent of it that she lost self-discipline and ceased to be girlfriend material. So during their ongoing talks about her feeding system, with Trick's advice looming large in her mind, Bo had acknowledged the plain truth, that she did enjoy sex with almost any consenting adult; but she was careful to stress the important rider that she was willing to give it up, so far as it was possible, for the right person's sake, giving Lauren her meaningful-and-hopefully-not-just-besotted look again. That kind of honesty seemed to work because Lauren's smile hadn't wavered.

That smile meant that the doctor had no more reservations about the fact that they would never, ever be about feeding, that she wouldn't feel inadequate because Bo didn't take chi from her. It also meant she was beginning to accept that she could take Bo's word in the future about when sex with someone else was going to be necessary, that Bo wouldn't be straying beyond the strict meaning of 'necessary'. She'd worriedly muttered something about monogamy possibly compromising the mental health of fae who were evolved to require sex with different people, but Bo had heard it. Knowing that any effort at succubus monogamy would have to be initiated by her if it were to mean anything at all, she had been experimenting on her own. She'd fed without any sex at all for the last week or so, drawing harmlessly tiny bits of chi from people from afar whenever the opportunity to do so discreetly presented itself. She had ended up adequately fed and still entirely sane if continuously frustrated because of what going blue-eyed entailed.

She wasn't going use this to persuade Lauren to take her back, though. It wouldn't do since Lauren no longer had any difficulty with Bo's need to feed. That largeness of mind must be given its due and Lauren had bigger worries which their conversations were now addressing. But if Lauren did take her back, Bo wanted to present herself as being of sound mind after an extended period without sex. She figured that the fact that she'd thought of trying it, the fact that she _had_ tried it, would surely count for a lot in proving her serious intent to spare Lauren as much anxiety and heartache as possible on that front.

Three weeks ago, Lauren had been made Regent of the Dark and could only come to the clinic in the evenings to catch up with what was going on and to spend an hour or so working on removing the block on Evony's powers. This being the only time they could spend together, they had taken to eating dinner there; Lauren would order in or Bo would bring takeout herself.

As the days passed and it became a habit to spend evenings together just talking like this, what lay between them was growing stronger in ways Bo hadn't expected. Just the other night, while awaiting test results on yet another attempt to restore Evony's powers and eating the dinner Bo had brought, Lauren had started talking about a newspaper article on human politics that would affect Dark fae business holdings.

Bo had of course not read it and normally she would have zoned out and made polite noises at the right times, but this was Lauren, and she was so cutely absorbed in the subject that Bo hadn't wanted to disappoint her. So she'd exerted herself to listen and then surprised herself when, as the people person of the pair, she was able to point out the importance of nuances in the speeches that Lauren hadn't put enough weight on. The pleased look on Lauren's face at coming to a better understanding of the situation was her first reward. Her second was the fact that she had actually come to enjoy the discussion herself and the way her mind had stretched to accommodate Lauren's interest. And the third was that while Bo herself had been surprised, Lauren had not. She hadn't even said anything overtly complimentary, simply thanking Bo for her insights and saying she knew she had been right to talk to Bo about it. It was exactly that, the way she seemed already to take for granted that she could depend on Bo's intellect, that was the best thing of all.

The succubus had been feeling a bit low about the realisation that she hadn't ever been of any use to Lauren at all other than for good sex, which they weren't having, or protection, which the doctor no longer needed. In fact in all the time they had known each other before Lauren joined the Dark, Bo had basically only ever done two things for her, letting her hide from Lachlan which hadn't lasted, and removing Nadia's curse which had hardly resulted in unqualified joy for anyone.

But after this discussion, Bo was hugely uplifted. She'd felt not only Lauren's unspoken respect and confidence in her but a jump in self-assurance in an area in which she had previously felt inadequate. She no longer feared that Lauren would find her dull company when they weren't seducing each other. She no longer feared that she was fit to play only a limited role in Lauren's life.

They'd never talked like that during their previous relationship. They had had to sneak around so much that when they did get to see each other outside a professional context, the element of honeymoon newness and the element of tasting forbidden fruit had combined to make them both want urgently to connect physically and as closely as possible. So caught up in the intensity and pleasure of experiencing that connection had they been that neither had really talked to each other about all the different sorts of things that true partners did.

Bo had never doubted that Lauren had loved her truly and deeply, but with her new-found sense of security that Lauren was actively considering getting back together with her, she could now admit that they had been both been a little in the infatuation stage still. Having been allowed to expiate her guilt by helping Lauren in her work as much as Lauren helped with hers, she felt better able to hold up her head around the doctor, better able to look past that guilt. This and Bo's new sense of security also enabled her to think that the doctor's previous desire and her awe of Bo's supernatural qualities, while flattering at the time, were by no means of the depth Lauren was capable of: indeed looking back, it now seemed unsatisfying compared to the deeper regard Bo was now enjoying. Bo was earning this and realising it meant more, felt more rewarding, because she wasn't gaining ground by mere accident whether of birth or circumstance. Lauren wasn't looking at Bo through rose-coloured glasses anymore - and she wasn't turning Bo away. Their evening conversations had begun to feel normal, like a successful practice run for what a life together would be.

She didn't know how to explain all of this to Kenzi, though. Still, her best friend seemed content with the fact Bo herself was happy and Bo was. In fact she was happier than she ever thought she could be without Lauren in her bed. It was the missing piece to the puzzle but the picture, incomplete as it was, was already richer, more detailed, more satisfying, than the previous complete picture had been.

As she turned off the ignition outside their house, these recent memories made her behind jiggle a little dance of joy in her seat. Her _intellect_! How cool was that?!

"Ummm ... Bo?" Kenzi was regarding her quizzically.

"Yeah?"

"Wassup?"

Bo remembered what she'd wanted to talk about. "I've been meaning to ask you, we've been doing this investigation stuff for years now. You ever thought you'd wanna do something else instead. Something not quite so dangerous?"

They went to the kitchen and Bo started making coffee.

Kenzi took on a non-committal look. "What's on your mind, Boster?"

"We're just talking, Kenzi. No making this kind of decision overnight, yeah? But we have to talk about stuff like this sometimes. Check in. It doesn't do us much good not to be honest with each other. We could end up doing something we both hate because we each think the other one wants it."

Kenzi thought it over. "It's not the danger so much for me. You protect me. But we get taken up for whole days at time on cases and I don't like you having to heal. I know it'll almost never happen now you can carry a gun and do your chi-sucking from a distance but still ..." After Bo had seen Lauren's firearm, she had taken Kenzi to get them both licensed. Kenzi didn't carry but she understood the importance of the safety stuff and the importance of knowing how to use one in a pinch. "... and think of Lauren."

"I am," Bo said. "I don't mind a change, but if we want one, we gotta pick something we both like to do."

"Bo, I can hack for anyone and even if it isn't exactly legal, it's safe. Especially since I live with you. So you think of what you'd like to do and I'll see if I like it too. If I don't, you can do it anyway and I'll help when you need me to and the rest of the time, I'll just hack away. Or we could go part-time on investigations and you could maybe work a couple of days a week for Trick. I bet he could post a rule that anyone coming to the Dal should be prepared to donate a little chi for the benefit of the bar staff. The clinic staff have to work and Trick has more customers than the clinic has staff. You'd be able to get more chi at the Dal and be sure you wouldn't be doing any harm."

And there the discussion rested because just then Bo received a text from Lauren.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 31

Lauren was in a quandary. It would be a serious breach of Dark confidentiality to tell Bo about her mother. But how could she not? Trick and Bo were Aoife's next-of-kin. They might cover all three fae affiliations between them but Aoife's father and daughter ought at least to know where she was. It was the first rule of patient care that next-of-kin be contacted ... if an adult patient wasn't able to state their own wishes.

She pulled up the Greenriver Sanatorium on her computer. It was in Dark territory and the staff consisted of Dark fae and claimed humans. It was fully a Dark facility.

A complete report on Aoife had been emailed to her on request and Lauren read it. She spent another hour or so on general reading about medication for psychiatric cases and determined that so far as she could make out as a non-expert, Aoife's prescriptions sounded more or less correct, even conservative.

She called Aoife's attending for a more personal account of yesterday's incident and a current assessment of whether she was fit to make a decision about whether her next-of-kin should be contacted.

Then she called Evony.

"Look," she said, once she'd explained the situation, ""she's been able to say she wants to see her daughter. Evony, it could be important to know who Bo's father is. We need to let Aoife see Bo. She might not want to tell anyone else. Now, I know you and Bo get on like oil and water, but ..."

"Not a concern," Evony said.

"No? How come?" Lauren asked in surprise.

"First, although I hadn't even had my Dawning when all that crap happened to her, Aoife is now my responsibility whether I like it or not, and if seeing her daughter will help her then she may, regardless what quarrel I might have with that daughter. Secondly, you're right that we want to know who fathered your succubus. Third, she sent me her human's phone with those pictures by confidential messenger and a note that she would give her blood oath that it was the only copy they had left," Evony replied.

"What?" Lauren gasped. "When?"

"A couple of days before the clinic opened," Evony said. "So we're not friends, and I still don't want her coming to the compound anytime she likes, but I won't screw her over just for the hell of it."

So Bo must have taken what she'd said about Evony to heart. That was gratifying, and it had been a smart move on Bo's part, to get the Morrigan off her case.

"So I can tell her about Aoife?"

"Yes, you may, and she may visit but not the Light gnome, father or not. Within those constraints, do as you see fit."

...

Shortly before she had had the Regency thrust upon her, Lauren had collared Evony about living quarters, pointing out that it wouldn't encourage Light patients to register if the head of the clinic lived in the Dark compound. Evony had apparently recognized the look in her eyes that signalled a parade of reasoned arguments to support her request because she'd hastily said Lauren might choose a house from the listings available on Dark territory and (because she _was_ Evony) good riddance if it meant it would no longer be convenient for the doctor to just pop by whenever the fancy took and plague her incessantly with needless and endless arguments in favour of this or that or comments about her cooking. Lauren had grinned even as she had made a mental note to stop by and visit every so often; she couldn't give up opportunities for the occasional friendly poke at Evony.

Now that it was clear that the Morrigan's hackles would not be raised by Bo coming onto Dark territory to see her so long as it wasn't in any part of the Dark compound, Lauren sent a text message asking if Bo could come to her new house at once and that it was important. She left the office once Bo replied that she was on her way.

As she drove she realized just how worried she was about the whole situation.

During experimentation Bo had found it difficult to draw chi from people in ordinary circumstances because unlike in the basilisk lab, she hadn't been afraid for herself or anyone she cared about, but the room experiment had worked well without her having to be shot with tranquilizers. Lauren had been ready to re-think her theories, but Bo had said not to until she'd had a chance to practice more. After three days and a lot of chuckling from the clinic staff as the succubus persistently tried to draw chi from them while they were engaged on the most mundane of tasks, Bo had worked it out. She'd simply done her blue-eyed thing very carefully and managed, from about ten feet away, a limited gentle draw of a tiny trickle of chi from the giggling receptionists, neither of whom had felt any adverse effects afterwards.

Lauren had been called to witness a repeated successful attempt amidst congratulations from all the staff and Bo had been joyfully triumphant. Further experiments were conducted to determine how much Bo needed on a daily basis if she didn't have to heal. So then they had accurate baseline requirements and started working out a feeding system and a separate one for critical healing while Bo continued assiduously practising this new feeding technique.

Apart from that, the two of them had come to really enjoy talking to each other. Bo had seemed bemused at first about their wide-ranging discussions about anything and everything, but then she'd got the idea and settled into it with cheerful and knowing acceptance. In this way they'd gone lightly but definitely over all the hard ground, the 'sensitive issues' that remained important to Lauren, without anyone's poise being compromised, with mutual respect, each knowing full well what they were negotiating. She hadn't been forthright about these issues only because she hadn't wanted to sound resentful about concerns that were no longer applicable, but she was certainly capable of it for the future when the same considerations didn't apply. When discussing the exact nature of their future commitment for example.

Bo might have taken advantage of Lauren's too-convenient silence on matters that hurt in the past, but she had never lied or failed to keep any explicit promise she'd made. Lauren wasn't going to be silent in future and she saw no reason to doubt Bo's word now.

She was sure Bo wouldn't fail to prioritise her as a partner anymore, not when she got a substantial chunk of Bo's time every single day, cases or no cases. The fact that it was Bo who had first seen the implications of their feeding discussion on her ability to be monogamous and that it was also Bo who invariably took the initiative to pursue that goal when Lauren herself had not asked that she do so had gone a long way towards convincing her that the charge of self-centredness could no longer be laid at Bo's door, and this was reinforced by Bo's consistent help at the clinic, even with Lauren absent during the day.

They'd reached the point where Lauren was almost certain that it would work between them. She'd even planned an actual real date and had been planning to ask Bo out on it.

And then _this_ had to happen. She was about to tell Bo difficult things about her mother, the one subject Bo had always been most zealous about and she would have to be disobliging. Even though it was better that something like this happened now rather than later, she wasn't looking forward to it at all.

Chapter 32

Lauren had asked Bo round to her house for the first time! When Bo had learned that she had moved out of the Dark compound, the urge to visit had been strong, but Bo had realised that messing things up between Lauren and Evony could affect the survival of the clinic and that would be unforgivable. It also felt presumptuous at this stage to turn up uninvited even though in the past she had taken whatever opportunity had presented itself to sneak into the Light compound: she didn't have the excuse of necessity now. It had been hard for her to give up Kenzi's phone without copying the compromising pictures of Evony onto the new phone the goth had 'procured', but it had felt like the right thing to do and if Evony was now OK with Bo going to Lauren's house, it had borne unexpected fruit.

Bo didn't know what to expect because it was the middle of the afternoon. Of course she had hopes, but the idea of Lauren the Dark Regent suddenly wanting nookie from her ex in the middle of a working day was ludicrous.

As she had expected, these unlikely hopes were dashed instantly. Lauren met her at the front door with a troubled face. Bo was given no time to admire Lauren's living quarters as she was shepherded by a worried doctor past the living room and through to a study.

Lauren sat her down beside a small table with a bottle of whiskey. One glass was already filled with a double shot of amber liquid. Bo's uneasiness at these preparations mounted as the doctor began to speak.

When Lauren finished, Bo's glass was empty.

Lauren helpfully poured her another double shot and then went still, looking at her hands and letting Bo process.

"So what's wrong with my mom exactly?" Bo asked slowly, too many thoughts revolving in her head.

"She's been diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar disorder," Lauren said sadly. "As near as I can make out, she got away from Taft's injured and weak and then collapsed. Dark fae on the way to Taft's to investigate the scene found her and took to her to Dark Medical around the time I got to Calgary. She was treated for shock and mild hypothermia and only minor physical injuries but she was starving for chi and malnourished. So they fed her body intravenously and restrained her so that her fae appetite could be fed safely. When she regained consciousness, she fed and then was given a standard lucidity test. Her answers got her sent to the sanatorium where they diagnosed her and put her on medication. They've been taking good care of her, Bo. She's getting better. The incident a couple of days ago occurred because her brain chemistry spontaneously altered, which happens naturally although no one knows why. It can't always be predicted. But her prescription has been modified and she's responding well though she isn't quite stable yet. They still restrain her to feed her chi just in case but the regular feeding and the meds have worked together to help her recovery. It's just ..."

Bo waited. She could see that Lauren was distressed and knew better than to add to it.

"Bo, while succubi and incubi can heal from most injuries and illnesses by feeding, mental illness seems to be an exception. I don't know why. If it weren't, well, it's been months and Aoife has been fed regularly. If feeding could cure mental issues she'd be well by now but she's not. It's looking a lot like feeding just ensures that things don't get worse. She may always need to take medication."

"Hey, hey," Bo reached forward and patted Lauren's hand gently. "That's OK. Lots of people do. It's not the end of the world."

"It's different with psychiatric cases because they're more likely to stop taking their meds if they're left on their own. They believe they're fine and don't need it. Then things go downhill and it can be bad enough with humans, but with fae ... Bo, the danger to society is great enough that keeping them institutionalised may be the only safe measure for everyone else. It's really hard because they're able to live normally in the institution while the staff make sure they take their meds, so normally that they can't see why they should be locked up for the rest of their lives and in the case of fae, it's such a _long_ life to have only that prospect ahead of them. Do you see?"

Bo nodded slowly.

"I'm so sorry, Bo. I can't authorize your mother's release right now because she isn't stable yet and it's possible it won't ever be authorized after I leave the Regency."

And then Bo really did see. Lauren was upset not just because of the hardship to Aoife but also, perhaps mainly, because she thought Bo would be angry with her. Since meeting up again after Lauren had joined the Dark, there had been no occasion for them to disagree on a future course of action concerning anything important until now, and here was Lauren stressed into ulcergenic worry. And this was now. What must it have been like for her before? When she'd thought Bo less than devoted to her, when her resources had been few compared to what she had now?

 _No wallowing, she needs the grown up Bo right the fuck now!_

Bo leaped out of her seat and was kneeling beside Lauren before the doctor could draw another breath.

"It's OK, Lauren, really, it's OK!" Bo breathed soothingly. "Of course you need to keep the public safe. That's your job and even if it weren't, it would be the right thing to do. You don't have a choice. I see that."

Lauren's hand was cold, another sign of how upset she was. Bo chafed it gently between her own and smiled enticingly at her. "C'mon, we need a little break. How about you show me round your house, hm? I bet you're proud of it. We can come back to this in a few minutes." She held the back of Lauren's hand, which was now a bit warmer, to her cheek.

Lauren smiled back tentatively, recent experience leading her to trust Bo enough to let the succubus nudge her gently out of her funk. "Yeah, all right. Although I should be the one comforting you ..."

"You already have," Bo said. "Now I understand clearly what's going on, I can handle it even though it's worrying. And if you say she's being well looked after, I trust your judgement on that. It's not as if I can work full time and still be around to see she doesn't get into trouble if I take her home."

A relieved Lauren walked an interested Bo through the living room, the small formal dining area with a french window overlooking a lush back garden, a very homey looking kitchen with a wooden table and chairs in an eating nook and a large island for food preparation, and then three bedrooms, one of which was obviously her own.

Bo stared at the king-sized plush bed and tried to stop herself from imagining being in it with Lauren, but she _was_ a succubus, she couldn't help it.

She became aware that Lauren had stopped talking, and blushed. Her own glazed stare at the bed must have made it obvious what she had been preoccupied with.

Lauren, however, had a pleased look, and Bo took heart, enough to try a little flirting. "Sorry," she said, her cheeks still warm, "but you can't take the succubus out of the girl. And it is _your_ bed, after all. So you'll have to forgive me if I can't exactly help it."

Lauren grinned at her. "Bo, physical chemistry was one thing we never had a problem with. I'd probably have been worried if you hadn't reacted normally." Then she grew serious again. "But now we have to resume. There's more to talk about."

Back in the study, Bo said, "Can you come with me to visit mom?"

"Of course. I'd like to meet her attending physician face to face. He seems very sound. Only I can't be there all day, just a few hours. Is that all right?"

"Really, that's great. I'm not sure I'll be there that long anyway. It's a first visit and I don't know how she'll respond to me."

Lauren called the sanatorium so they would be prepared the following day. When she turned back after hanging up, Bo was slumped dejectedly in her seat.

"My dad, whoever he is, really put her through it, didn't he? And Taft just hammered the nail in."

"There's too much we don't know at the moment," Lauren said carefully. "Perhaps we should just prepare what questions to ask your mother even though we might not get to ask them all tomorrow. It depends on how she is. You have to prepare yourself to let anything awful she says slide off you like water off a duck's back. Don't let yourself get upset until you are out of the room and away from her. I'll be there for you and if you like, we can bring Kenzi too. We'll get you home so you won't have to worry about letting go of yourself once you've left her. All right?"

Bo nodded nervously.

Lauren added a positive note. "It's possible that she'll react well to you and we can make a lot of progress, both with getting her better and finding out more about your father. "

Bo sighed. "What is it they say, hope springs eternal in the human breast?" She paused, then looked down at herself. "... Maybe I need bigger breasts."

She succeeded in surprising a snort of laughter from Lauren, "No, you certainly don't. God, Bo, you are a treasure!"

Bo preened. "FINALLY she sees it."

Lauren giggled and stood up. She kissed the top of Bo's dark head affectionately. "Come on, you want to eat here? We can invite Kenzi."

Over dinner they brought Kenzi up to date.

Lauren said, "Look, you can both stay here tonight if you want and we can all leave for Greenriver together tomorrow morning. But I won't be offended if you'd rather go home. I imagine there's a lot you'll want to say to each other."

Bo, not about to let this invitation go to waste, said quickly, "We can do that here, Lauren. These couches are as good as beds. Kenzi could make like a starfish on them and they'd still be big enough."

Kenzi laughingly agreed with this assessment. "We won't keep you up by talking here if you want to go to bed and we won't even need the spare bedrooms made up. Bo can just drive home for clothes. She'd be back within the hour."

While she was gone, Kenzi asked Lauren a few questions about how best to support Bo tomorrow, which was new. She'd never sought advice on Bo from Lauren before.

When Bo came back, she found the two of them ensconced under a shared rug, the couch's fold-in footrests unfurled so they could stretch out comfortably, watching _Bringing Up Baby_ and cackling quietly together as if they'd always done this.

Ever the opportunist, Bo refused to let them stop the movie and dived in to be piggy in the middle and the next hour or so was a necessary lighthearted end to the heaviness of the day.

As she chuckled along with the others, Bo felt abnormally tranquil despite what the next day would bring. She'd expected to be jittery, to need to pace about or even smash up abandoned cars, but she wasn't. She wasn't even really thinking about her mother anymore.

She wanted very much to something big and dramatic for Lauren, something that would prove her love in a grand way and sweep Lauren off her feet. But there was nothing _to_ do. Lauren's life didn't need saving. The doctor had pretty much everything she wanted and could have in the world of the fae. So either she would have to engineer a way for Lauren to go back to the human world once and for all if that was what she wanted, even though Bo would break her own heart in the process, or she would have to find a way for Lauren openly to have close friends and family and security.

Evony. Bo had to talk to Evony. Nicely. Somehow. Bo had the impression that as much as someone like Evony could like someone, she did like Lauren. She wouldn't want Lauren to be unhappy, or to put it Evony's language, not be in a frame of mind to give of her best.

So maybe Evony would help, perhaps by asking the Dark Elders to make Lauren a formal exception to the rule against fae-human relationships. Then if Lauren and Bo got together, neither of them would have to worry about Kenzi living under threat and Lauren wouldn't have to worry about Bo, which she would otherwise do no matter how powerful she thought Bo was. And then maybe doing something big wouldn't be necessary. Bo glanced at the giggling doctor. Her bright eyes and flushed cheeks said it all: Lauren was happy and she was happy here with Bo and Kenzi beside her, sharing this time and doing nothing big at all. So maybe these many small things really would do instead. Daily things. Persistent things.

Bo wanted to tell Lauren she loved her, and how much. And not just once. She wanted the right to be able to say it all the time, whenever the urge took her. It wasn't just because the words rose into her throat unbidden a lot, although they did. But in the past, when Bo had said it, Lauren had said it back with that special tender look or kissed her so sweetly that Bo's heart filled to overflowing. She wanted to say it so that she could cache all of Lauren's responses to her declarations in her vault of most precious memories. She wanted to cram the storehouse as full as it could get against the day when Lauren would no longer be there to hear.

Bo felt her heart begin to hurt at that morbid thought so she turned her mind resolutely back to the present. What they had was already a relationship that was more adult and more fulfilling than it had been before, with love and affection being shown every day in ways and to depths the old Bo had never considered. The succubus was learning, not that sex wasn't important, but about all the other things that sex could enhance, the reasons why it became so beautiful, so meaningful when there was love as well.

She understood clearly now that living the life she chose didn't mean she got to choose every minute of every day or there would be no room for a partner who wasn't a doormat. Untrammelled liberty inevitably meant encroaching on the liberty and peace of mind of others. That was why there were laws, even in a free society. Well, Bo might not want to be hedged about by laws that made no sense, but if the life she chose could include Lauren, then that was her most important choice, and any consequential limitations on her freedom that might entail were a price Bo would willingly pay with her eyes wide open.

Under the blanket, Lauren's hand crept shyly into hers and held it, not encouraging much more with Kenzi right there, but a definite sign of readiness for something that was not platonic. Bo let their thumbs play together gently, happily marvelling that such a small action could simultaneously be so suggestive and so comforting at the same time.

She relaxed even more. She could see the future now and she was no longer worried. She got now that Lauren's carefulness had itself been a tacit acknowledgement that sex between the two of them wouldn't be casual, which meant only good things as far Bo was concerned. So the sex part of their lovemaking would happen when it happened, and Bo felt in her bones that wouldn't be long now. Part of this certainty was already-singing instinct.

But most of it was because, with Kenzi snoring lightly on her other side as the closing credits rolled, Lauren made good use of the remote to turn the volume all the way down and then turned towards her with a look in her eyes that made the hairs on Bo's nape rise ever so wonderfully. Going with the flow (as if she wouldn't), Bo leaned forward just as Lauren did and they met in the middle. Noses brushed against cheekbones, fingers slid into hair and Bo was overjoyed to discover that Lauren didn't just taste the same, but somehow more so, as if there was more of her in this one kiss than there ever had been before.

A good long while later, for the first time in what seemed like forever, she fell peacefully asleep pressed happily against her love.

...

Stories don't end at some particular point in anyone's life. Well the _told_ stories do, but the real stories, they go on.

Lauren and Bo's stories didn't end just because this narrative is drawing to a close.

Maybe down the road Lauren will be responsible for a reconciliation between Trick and Aoife and he'll be happy and say the appropriately grateful things and all will seem to be well. Maybe not.

In time, Kitring might move to Toronto to be close to the one human friend he didn't have to hide his nature from.

Maybe Bo will speak to Evony and they will work together on the Dark elders so that Lauren might have a proper family without having to be discreet about it.

And Bo's father, there's another thread to be unravelled. The reader might have an inkling where _that_ story goes but possibly things will turn out differently. Possibly.

Maybe the torc has a purpose no one expects, which would be a whole different story again.

But _this_ was always a story of how two people with so much against them made it right to be together, either by working for it directly as Bo did, or by not just sitting back and bemoaning their lot but getting on, as Lauren did, with playing the cards fate dealt, so that they put themselves in the path of passing miracles, a process other people call good fortune.

By now Lauren and Bo both know they are meant for each other. They know how it's going to work. They both have a picture in their minds of what their life together will look like.

What do they teach drivers? You go where you look. Well, there you have it. Everything else is just mechanics. The vision is all, and maybe that's more than most people have.

 _FIN_

* * *

A/N1: I hope you enjoyed this bit of old-fashioned story telling, in which as forewarned nothing terribly remarkable or racy happened, but the characters, with any luck, held your interest anyway.

May those of you who have followed this cathartic journey have experienced as much satisfaction in the reading as I did in the writing of it.

A/N2: No, there is no sequel planned, just in case you thought the coda contained teasers for one. My frustrations with the script writing of the show and its strange ideas about basic ethics and what constitutes credible adults or a credible leader have been pretty much dealt with now.

A/N3: A special thank you to those persistent repeated reviewers of this and my earlier stories. If I ever thought of slacking off on the editing, knowing you were keeping up gave me the right sort of kick in the right sort of place! Yes, I mean you, FrenChi, krdavis14, Bahh, KiKi74, Joannrbb, koskat, Kravn and the rest of you who wrote in. I don't think enough acknowledgement is given to the effect your unremitting efforts have on writers. And to those who rarely review but did so in this case, that was a reward in itself.

The best of the holiday season to everyone who's read thus far.

PS: My own particular favourite part was the homicidal wombat drinking song. I'd like to think you each had a part you particularly liked as well.


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